Kiss Today Goodbye.

After the shock of 2011 and the allegations of laziness and drug abuse and the team being composed of nasty, horrible people, I really thought that 2012 was going to be a banner year for the Boston Red Sox.

I thought that they were going to be a pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps, grow-a-chip-on-your-shoulder kind of group. I thought that they were going to band together and put the past in the past. I was even prepared to like Bobby Valentine. But they were horrible. They were fractious and petty and just bad at baseball. By they end of the year, the only likeable people left on the team were David, Clay, and Vicente Padilla-made likeable by the fact that they showed up at Johnny Pesky's funeral. They rest of them were selfish, whiny, overgrown children.

I wasn't prepared to like the 2013 team.  I was, in fact, ready to step back from the whole thing. They weren't much to look at and I really didn't think that they were going to do much. If they finished above five hundred, it would have been a miracle. But they came in like a breath of fresh air. They seemed to enjoy the game and their enthusiasm was infectious. Granted, it took me awhile to trust them but they made baseball fun again. And I'm grateful.

There's hope in baseball again and you've gotta have hope. As much as I hate hope because hope is behind so many broken hearts, it's a beautiful thing.

Tomorrow is 2014 and with it six-ish weeks until baseball starts again. Can they do it again? Is that magical year a once in a lifetime sort of occurrence? (Can everything go wrong for the Yankees again? Please?) It doesn't seem out of the realm of possibility for them to be successful. To this point, nobody in the division has improved by leaps and bounds.  Only one way to find out.

World Famous.

When a certain large Dominican man makes a list of the top 100 sports people of the year in North America it hardly seems noteworthy. But when that same man appears at number 80 on a list published in a London newspaper, it seems rather impressive. When one little speech can make such a strong impression on people who, by and large, don't follow your sport, you must be doing something right.

Fisheye Lens.

Before Boston won the World Series, Shane Victorino handed his GoPro camera over to Mike Carp. The footage is a lot of fun.

Konichiwa.

Kevin Youkilis has agreed to play baseball for the Rakuten Golden Eagles next season. While he was never my favorite guy, the fact that he never made it to Fenway in pinstripes while bilking the Yankees out of $12 million makes me gleeful. And I really do hope that he can be successful over there.

Honorary Bostonians.

There are lots of people who are from Boston but unless you were conceived within city limits, you're not a Bostonian.  Sometimes the rules can be stretched a little bit.

Yesterday Ryan Kalish went and signed up with the Cubs. And while I don't begrudge him the opportunity, it makes me sad because, unlike Ellsbury, it felt like Kalish was ours. He really embraced the idea of Boston and he seemed like a wonderfully sweet young man. Perhaps he was just sick of Florida (it seems like a natural progression after so many months there) and decided to go spend the bulk of his time in Arizona. (I kid because I love.)

Mike Napoli expressed his undying love for all things Boston during a conference call to announce his signing. I wouldn't have thought it but he turned out to be an extraordinarily likeable person. So more power to him.

And David Ortiz wants to stay forever and ever. They should put him on the Wakefield plan.

Hell's Bells, Ells.

Jacoby Ellsbury has decided to spend the next seven years in the Bronx. I wouldn't have called myself an Ellsbury fan but jeez, man. The Yankees?

He's shown himself to be the cold, soulless monster we've always suspected that he was.

Mr. Unpronounceable.

If I were to go to Poland and try to get by on the Polish that my grandmother taught me, I would likely attract the wrong sort of people. I know 'excuse me', 'come here', and 'give me a kiss.' [This is where the joke falls apart because it turns out that prostitution is legal in Poland but I can't think of another way to start this piece, so we'll all just pretend that it's still amusing.]

Boston has agreed to sign AJ Pierzynski, and his nasty attitude, to a one year deal. Maybe it'll all work out. Fingers crossed.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It just wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Arlo.

I hope every one out there has a wonderful Thanksgiving and a happy Hanukkah for the observant types.

78 Days.

The Red Sox released their spring training schedule today and included the bit of information that Truck Day will be 78 days from now on February 8. Sounds like I can make it.

All I Want For Christmas.

The trailer for the World Series Film.

The Old College Try.

Way back in the day, former best beloved Craig Breslow played in the New England Collegiate Baseball League for the Middletown Giants in Middletown, Connecticut and Andrew Bailey played for the Lowell All-Americans in, well, Lowell. Somebody remembered and the pair will be inducted into the NECBL's Hall of Fame and feted at an awards dinner at the Hyatt in Newport on November 30. 

Go Personal Hygiene!

We've all seen Naples without his shirt on and while that's clearly not something that he has going for him he does reveal an admirable dedication to personal hygiene in this interview he gave at last night's Celtics game. He's keeping the beard clean for the ladies. I laughed.

His Honor Papi.

In the city of Boston 140,680 people care enough about the democratic process to vote in the mayoral election. Five hundred and sixty of those voters voted for David Ortiz for mayor.

Wanted For Crimes Against Fashion.

So apparently, at some point, Shane Victorino went to Alaska, wore an outstanding outfit, and I'm just hearing about it now.

Tallahassee Lassie.

David Ross stopped by (I assume) his daughter's school in Florida yesterday. There really isn't anything interesting in the interview but I'm going to post it anyway because the little spin he gives his daughter when she's going back to her seat is just super sweet. (I think I'm going soft.)

The Fun Drew.

Stephen Drew and his family stopped by the New England Aquarium today and even though I'll admit to knowing nothing about Tim, it still seems safe to say that Stephen qualifies as the fun Drew. After all the youngest typically gets away with murder.

Long As I Can Grow It.

This morning on the Today Show David, Victorino, and the bullpen cop had their beards shaved in exchange for a donation to the One Fund. So good for them.

Will, meanwhile, looks terrible without his.

Poor Theo.

I think that the general ineptness of the Cubs and the hopelessness of running that team must be getting to Theo. I don't remember him being this much of a baby when he was in Boston.

Theo wants to interview Torey Lovullo for his managerial opening. The problem for him is that Lovullo is under contract to the Boston Red Sox. Super duper non-compete agreement in place or not, tradition or not, Boston is under no obligation to release Lovullo from that contract just because Theo wants to talk to him.

And even though the Chicago brain trust is in the wrong in this situation, it's not going to stop them from whining about it.

Take a Lefty, Leave a Lefty.

In unsurprising news, the Sox have picked up the $13 million option on Jon Lester's contract and have declined the $6 million option on Matt Thornton's.

There have been times in the not too distant past where I was certain that Lester was done but right now it seems like a good thing.

Champs.

(Source: Rob Carr/Getty Images North America)

(Source: Rob Carr/Getty Images North America)

(Source: Jared Wickerham/Getty Images North America)

(Source: Jamie Squire/Getty Images North America)

(Source: Alex Trautwig/Getty Images North America)

The best thing about this team, this most wonderful team, was that they made baseball fun again. And for that I am grateful.(Maybe it doesn't seem that way what with my tendency to overreact to the loses but it's true.) I'm glad that they won, not for me, but for themselves. They were a fun group of guys.

And it bums me out that I can't watch them play tonight.

Even Steven.

This team, man. You couldn't make this team up if you tried.

Not Impressed.

One expects, of course, that by tonight St. Louis will have gotten their act together but, jeez man, that was not good. And I'm not even from Missouri.

Never A Doubt.

 (Jared Wickerham/Getty Images North America)

At least that's the story we're going with.

Programming Alert.

It seems that this game should have been advertised as a display of historical ineptitude.

Hits boys. Runs. You are better than this.

Best of Times.

Yesterday afternoon saw a bravura performance certainly from the offense but really impressively from Jon Lester.  He made two mistakes and seemed to be well in control of the game. It was well done and, if I'm honest, not really something I expected out of Lester.

And the offense meanwhile made Moore work. A lot. And so while I did fear, at one point, that it was likely that they were going to be no-hit, they were going to get into the bullpen early-ish and that was only going to be a good thing.

And so we turn this evening to John Lackey who, much like the mole on his face, grows on you. Let's hope, and cross our fingers, for more of the same today.

And for old time's sake, a show tune. Because I like show tunes.

The Best.

Woo-hoo!

Seattle just finished off the A's and Boston will finish this miraculous little season regardless of what Buck and his Kryptonite O's do, with the best record in the American League.

Only Fools Rush In.

(Jim Rogash/Getty Images)

How about this team?

Coming out of spring training, I wasn't really sure that I could trust this team to not break my heart again but it's been a fun year boys. And, of course, you still might do just that. Fortunately, expectations change and the thing that might break my heart now is not winning one hundred games.

So. Pedal to the metal. Full steam ahead. And all that jazz.

Daniel is Leaving Tonight on a Plane.

Alas, poor Daniel. We knew him, Horatio--a fellow of inifinite
outs, of most excellent fastball. He hath borne us on his back a
thousand times; and now, how abhorred my imagination is! My
gorge rises at it.

Daniel Bard was claimed off waivers by the Cubs today.  I like Daniel. I hope he figures himself out. I'm just sorry that he has to go play for the Cubs.

.500!

In the dead of winter, I was not impressed with this team. I don't think that I made an actual win total prediction but I know that I wasn't optimistic. In spring training, it turned out that I couldn't help but to like this team but I was certain that they were going to break my heart. And even up until a couple of weeks ago, I really didn't want to get too invested because they were, in my mind, destined to disappoint. I think that I may finally be ready to trust them.

And barring some sort of epic unthinkable *lalalalalaI'mnotlisteninglalalalala* collapse, I've never been so glad to have been so wrong.

Waiting to X-hale.

(Getty Images)

Last time we chatted, I was none too enthused with this team. There may have been talk of pixie dust mixed with a hint of impending doom. All said though, that was a real nice road trip. You can't argue with the pitching that they got from their starters, the offense was less wretched, and the defense looked a little less woebegone. Plus, they have a shiny new toy.

Not that everything is now gumdrops and lollipops. The bullpen has room for improvement. And you've got the Orioles coming in, a team they haven't seemed to have played well against for almost two years. But a successful west coast trip is impressive and coming away with a series win against the hottest team in the National League is a minor miracle.

Asleep At The Wheel.

So that sucked.

What the hell is Ryan Dempster doing? He's not a good enough pitcher to put men on base just because he doesn't like them. Up by only two, with himself on the mound, the man needs to get some prospective.

And what the hell is John Farrell doing? Does he not know that Dempster is awful? That he's not a pitcher who should be allowed any leash at all?

This team has survived on lucky breaks and miraculous comebacks. Fun to watch but not the foundation of a successful baseball team. This team has been playing well above it's true talent level and appears to be in the process of sinking back to earth.

Of all the American League teams in contention, Tampa is the best team. Hell, even with all their faults, Detroit is closer to a complete team than Boston. One would feel better if they could go on a nice little run but they don't appear to be built to do that; the pitching is too poor, the hitting too unreliable. Throw a lefty against them (other than Sabathia) and they are totally and utterly inept.

And Jon Lester tonight. Yippee!

The Fairest of Them All.

 (Getty Images)

I've enjoyed the pieces Gabe Kapler wrote over at 'EEI. I thought that he was a unique voice; thoughtful, generally clear, and insightful. But the man obviously doesn't have a face for radio (or its Internet extension) and has decided to hire on at Fox Sports 1. Whether one can offer thoughtful, interesting analysis while living in fear of the viewer changing the channel remains to be seen but it's a good move for him. And a loss for 'EEI.

Wow.

Bitch, Please.

So Tampa likes to portray itself as a model organization. And with holy Joe Maddon, the keeper of all that is good and right in baseball, a modern-day St. Sebastian crusading tirelessly against all of the baddies in the game (except for when his players are caught cheating because then it's cool), how could they not be?

But then you have the person who runs the team Twitter account. I can see who this person was in high school: hanging out at the edge of the group, trying to be cool, trying desperately to fit in, and not succeeding. The other day, said individual butted in on the David smashes a telephone incident--uncomfortable for everyone. And tonight we get:

Dear @RedSox scoreboard operator - your standings are wrong. Yours truly, @RaysBaseball.
— Tampa Bay Rays (@RaysBaseball) July 30, 2013

My response to the nastiness varied from "Good for you for pointing out that the game shouldn't be over yet." to a rant that would make a sailor blush.

At first glance, I thought that Boston was taking the high road in their response. But this is a thing of beauty, a stunningly gorgeous subtle take down. Makes you proud.

Don't worry @raysbaseball we look forward to seeing you in Tampa in September for our home games at the Trop.
— Boston Red Sox (@RedSox) July 30, 2013

How d'ya like dem apples?

Fumbling Toward Ecstasy.

Nuts.

Crappy base running. Crappy umpiring. Crappy loss.

Please be better tomorrow.

Zombie.

Well, possums. What can you say?

This team hasn't been able to beat Baltimore in the longest time but this is Scott Feldman. He may have pulled off a magic trick in Chicago but you know better. Win tonight because the Yankees already lost.

Nothing Lasts Forever.

 (Getty Images)

But Dustin Pedroia will be in a Red Sox uniform until 2021.

Good for him. Good for the club.

Too Darn Hot.

Boo.

I mean I suppose I should care: there's little that annoys me more than losing to the Yankees but I just can't bring myself to be too worked up about it. Just win tomorrow.

Welcome.

So last night word came out that Cherington had traded for Matt Thornton. Maybe not the most exciting bit of news but, used correctly, he could be useful to a bullpen that is not living up to expectations. Mostly I just wanted to use the song.

Charming.

You didn't think I'd actually be able to not watch, did you?

Anyway.

All hail the mighty Mariners. Jon Lester was his usual crap-tastic self and the bullpen did him no favors but when faced with a lineup like the Mariners have, what are you going to do? They're gonna score some runs. It's just who they are.

Other than Aaron Cook's game last season, it's hard to remember the last time that Boston played well in Seattle. At least New York and Baltimore already lost. Hey! That's something to like about west coast games.

Wonders Never Cease.

I'm not sure if I made the fact that I hate west coast games clear but it's true. They're the worst.

It turns out, however, that when you've got Daniel Nava playing center field, it's easy to appreciate the fact that the game is being played past your bedtime and you really shouldn't be watching it because you have to go to work tomorrow and if you're late the boss will be super mad. So really just turn it off. It'll be okay.

There's No Cure Like Travel.

You win some. You lose some. And some you give away like candy on Halloween.

There should be more of an effort to win games where the opposing starting pitcher probably ties his hair in an ponytail and then hacks it off with a bowie knife. Just saying.

I hate west coast trips. I hate games that start at ten at night and I hate watching losses that occur at one thirty in the morning.

But whattcha gonna do?

Tick...Tick...Boom.

If today were the day that you had to stop closing, how would you feel?

That was an annoying series. It was especially annoying because it seems to me that philosophically Detroit doesn't really care all that much about winning during the regular season. There is very little depth in that organization and they don't seem to be built for the daily grind of baseball. But why should they try? In their division they could finish with eighty-five wins and have already wrapped up a post season berth in early August. 

And if it weren't for Andy, the team could easily have won three of those games. Although, I don't actually disagree with the use of Andy in today's game. If you're going to drag him around, you're going to have to pitch him sometime. Perhaps a quicker hook was in order, though.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity-Jig.

Not a particularly successful road trip but not that awful either. Still in first place, so that's good. Anyway, back to the fens. And Jon? Great fun, as always.

Better Days Ahead. (We Hope.)

Well, my lovelies, that was sad.

Certainly, a much better game by Dempster but when you've got a Don't-take-the-bat-off-your-shoulder guy, followed by a pair of Please-oh-please-only-make-one-out guys, the offense is kind of rough. But it's got to get better, right? Don't-take-the-bat-off-your-shoulder guy will remember what a strike looks like (not that he was ever particularly good at it: Will was always going to strike out in bunches.) and at least make better contact. Of course, if you do take him out, you're replacing him with Alright-come-on-J--- who isn't exactly setting the world on fire. And your replacement for the first Please-oh-please-only-make-one-out guy is For-the-love-of-baby-otters-please-don't-swing-at-the-first-pitch. And the replacement for the second one (I don't feel like typing that whole thing out again) is not one this team.

And so we turn to John Lackey to be our savior because Jon Lester isn't going to pitch well. And that makes me oh so nervous.

Fashion Police.

Haven't done one of these in awhile but there is something worth mentioning. It's not Jarrod Saltalamacchia, who is, without a doubt, a disaster. I think that he must make his own clothes because where in the world do you buy a camouflage jacket with matching tie?  What designer would create that and think: This'll fly off the shelves. And the giant belt buckle? It's all hideous.

But Jonny Gomes? I wouldn't have thought that a white jacket would be the way for anyone, besides like the ice cream man, to go but Gomes looks fantastic. Who would have thought that hill people cleaned up so nicely?

Confession.

Alright. As horrible as it might be, I'll admit it: Last night, after the team pissed away a six run lead and then Andrew Bailey walked in the tying run, I turned off the television. I just couldn't take it anymore and I suspect that there was some residual end of 2011-2012 disgust in there.

You can imagine my surprise this morning. What? They won? How? I do wish that I could be one of the people who said they saw it but I'm not going to pretend.

I guess it was a good game though.

Boo!

We learned two very important things last night.

1. Having a fake rain delay because it maybe might rain isn't necessarily the best idea that you can come up with.

and

2. Don't take Brett Gardner to a scary movie. (Iggy might not do too well either.)

Good game otherwise. Clay was almost untouchable and Iglesias continued to impress.

Because It's June.

Winning fifteen games is exciting. (Yay!) Losing fifteen games in that same span of time is less so. (Boo!) Sometimes the pitching sputtered. At other times, the offense was stymied. What I can't decide is if it's better to fail miserably in one aspect of your game or to just be okay in many of them. A glaring problem is certainly more easily identified and corrected but there's more hope, I think, if it's just a bout of mediocrity (and not a return to true talent level as I mumbled angrily at the television at the beginning of the month.)

June doesn't really look like an easy month schedule-wise but June is for bustin' out all over. So here's hoping.

Humph.

Well, my lovelies. There's something very un-American about ties. They're practically the embodiment of all things Canadian. And nobody wants to be Canadian. But that's what we're going to have to hope for, isn't it.

Don't Go Breaking my Heart.

You know what team? I really was prepared to let this season go. I was ready to not expect much.

But then you went and had such a fabulous April. I started to trust you. And then you decided to suck. Not cool, boyos. Not cool.

Ain't Misbehavin.

Apparently, Jose Iglesias didn't receive word that this is the year that we're all going to act like actual adults and not just chronological ones. Or maybe he thought that the clause applied only to major league players. It would appear that Iglesias has taken to pouting (and don't we know all about pouting shortstops?) because he is in AAA. 

Having a bad attitude is certainly not going to help his case but we here at Rain Delay Theatre are delighted with the news. We've been looking to produce Richard III for awhile now but were having trouble identifying someone to play our scheming, striving hunchback. But he may have just identified himself.

Sigh.

It seems like every year this team's offense is particularly inept against crappy pitchers. Turns out this year isn't going to be different. Very annoying.

I Fall to Pieces.

So either Clay really was cheating or his supposed maturity that Farrell has gone on and on about isn't all that it was cracked up to be. He always was something of a mental midget.

But, hey Victorino!

My White Knight.

Eck is the best.

Smaller Than Life.

 Minor league baseball games, in general, are great fun. And promotions put together by minor league teams are far better than those put together by their major league counterparts. Usually. To wit: On July 1, the Lowell Spinners will be giving away Jenny Dell bobble-heads. But they have seriously underestimated the very reason for her existence.


The essence of Miss Dell, the reason she continues to be employed is not her sparkling personality nor is it her journalistic integrity, the only reason she continues to appear on my television screen (despite the fact that her voice makes dogs howl) is her boobs. And this statuette is seriously lacking in boob-age.

Of course, if you made it true to life, it would probably topple over.

Along Came Pretty Little May.

While it may have ended on a sour note, that was a real nice clam bake.

They've been a fairly consistent team, without the tendency to blow high, blow low that they've suffered from in the past. So that's good to see.  And really, there's not a whole lot to complain about-- well, that 6,7,8 in that lineup yesterday might easily have been up and down on three total pitches. (They didn't get the you'll never walk alone memo.)

I don't know that I fully trust them yet (There's nothing so bad for a woman as misplaced trust and they might yet implode) but I might be willing to upgrade my faith-o-meter from guardedly optimistic to cautiously optimistic. Don't know if there's really much of a difference between the two but what's the use of wondering?

And I apologize for this goofy post. If I loved you, I wouldn't have written it.

The Power of the Human Mind.

I didn't realize it but last year's baseball has been thoroughly scrubbed from my memory. To wit:

This photo showed up on the Red Sox Twitter account this afternoon. It shows members of last year's PawSox receiving their championship rings. (Which is apparently also a thing that happened that I have absolutely no recollection of.) I looked at this photo and there was an actual beat where I scowled at the computer and thought, "When did Daniel Bard play for Pawtucket last year? Ooh. Right. It was after the attempted murder of various and sundry bluebirds. Spent a lot of time down there. I remember that."

One More Mile.

Such a gut-wrenching week.

What exactly is one supposed to say?

What is one supposed to do?


Runners can be odd ducks: masochistic, solitary, stinky souls. But all of the best people that I know are runners. There's a wonderful sense of community and generosity of spirit amongst runners. You want to talk about the time that your toenail turned black and then fell off? Or how it never really grew back? Or how you ran til you puked? Other runners will be glad to hear about it.  

The spirit of a runner is a lot like the spirit of Boston. Runners are tough. Runners can be single-minded. Runners are determined. Runners are resilient.

The only thing that I've ever really worried about when I go out for my run, is whether the Great Dane will be out. (The dog's not going to attack but he's going to block your way and not let you pass. And really a dog of his stature doesn't need to attack to be frightening.) What do I think about now?

I'll tell you what I did Monday night: 8 x 800, 1 minute rest.

Old Habits.

 (Getty Images)

So, uh, it turns out that there was a baseball game today, like an actual game with a winner and a loser and a record and all sorts of good things, and I completely missed it.

Not only was it a real game but it was against a version of the New York Yankees and our little team not only played really well but they actually won. Amazing. They got good starting pitching and an excellent performance out of the bullpen. They hit the ball, granted some of them didn't hit it very far, and they walked. All in all a nice, apparent, start to the season.

Or, you know, April Fools.

In all honesty, I am trying to steel my heart against this team but they are making it very difficult.

When Athlete Twitter Accounts Go Horribly Wrong.

I think that celebrity Twitter accounts have a place. They can provide a really interesting insight into a completely foreign lifestyle. I loved Ryan Kalish before but following his twitter account has (seriously) led me to the conclusion that he is the sweetest, most adorable boy ever. But sometimes athletes provide you with really, really uncomfortable insights like when Dustin Pedroia posted this:

How about @mrspedroia15 leaving out snacks for me after she left. #wifeoftheyear
— Dustin Pedroia (@15Lasershow) March 30, 2013

Assuming that he just has the order of events wrong (and his wife doesn't actually have telekinesis), he praises his wife as "wife of the year" for acting like his mother. Go, Kelli! Go, Snacks! Now, he's not the brainiest of individuals and maybe there is a good chance that he burns down the rental trying to toast up his English muffin pizza. But it's all very awkward and not really something that I wanted to know about him or their relationship. Or, then again, maybe she enjoys having a slightly overgrown child to go along with her two actual children.  

Spring Cleaning.

I hate this time of year, I really do, but it's gotta get done.

Daniel Bard has been sent away to Portland. The thinking was supposedly that by sending him all the way down to Portland, he'd realize that he wasn't just a couple of good outings away from getting back to the major leagues. Or it might have just been a numbers game.

Meanwhile my poor broken heart is, well broken, that Ryan Sweeney found himself to be just another pretty face and was let go. Now there are no more pretty faces on this team.

Harry and the Pedroias.

I know that the Dustin Pedroia-Big Foot thing is very last week. He changed his Twitter picture, so I suspect that he doesn't enjoy being taunted about it but I just have one thing to say:

On the Wearing O' the Green.

Not really but you need a title and I do like the green jerseys.

Perhaps the luck of the Irish was with the team today as they nearly perfecto-ed Tampa; which, you know, who cares--but it was fun. The more important thing was that Jon Lester continued to look good. Mike Napoli doesn't look decrepit (and perhaps we don't even have to set the bar that low). So maybe we all still wince when a ball flies to left field but knock in a couple of runs and we'll all temporarily forget that the hill folk eat people. I understand that if David continues hurting that it'll be an uphill battle but, damn it, I'm really starting to like this team.

It's annoying because I was all set to que sera sera this season but I find myself dragged back in. If the pitching holds up, if David's not out too long, if, if, if. And, yeah, they probably won't be so absolutely fabulous but in the back of my mind there's that glimmer of hope. And maybe it'll turn out to be a fun summer after all.

Also, Peter Abraham. I don't read him and make an effort to avoid him. I find him extremely unprofessional, snarky, and oftentimes downright pissy. I weirdly enjoyed listening to him talk about baseball today.

Stupid Smarch Weather.

 What better thing is there to do when snowed in then to ruminate on the World Baseball Classic.

1. Who is Karim Garcia?

2. Some of those Cubans are awfully chubby for communists. Also, their catchers' helmets look like re-purposed bicycle helmets.

3. And, since we can't seem to have a post without a song,

Broadcast News.

 (Getty Images)

I've just got to say that I really enjoyed this broadcast. I don't know if the concept was unique but it was really informative and a nice break from the Don and Jerry show. Well done NESN.

I know it's early and only two starts but Jon Lester has looked good this spring. Dare one hope? Mike Napoli wasn't half bad. And Stephen Drew has just as pretty a swing as his brother.

Also, the lower half of Jeremy Farrell's face is exactly like his father's.

Iggy Pop and Other Tales of Spring Training Glory.

Or something like that.

John Lackey wasn't too awful. I mean, yes strikes weren't really his thing today, but he got out of the inning respectably well. For all the work they were supposed to have done on defense, it didn't go so well. But Jose Iglesias crushed that ball for a home run and that was nice to see. The return of baseball (even if it is just shown during the breaks on the Don and Jerry show) is a wonderful thing.
 

I would have gone with the full version of the song but John Barrowman's reaction cracks me up.

Gone Fishin'.

Ben (or Benny as those in the know refer to him) Cherington has used his time in Florida to do a little fishing and has come up with a Carp.

Mike Carp, who was designated for assignment by Seattle, bats left-handed and plays a little first and a little outfield. To make room for him on the forty man, Kalish was moved to the sixty day DL.

The Big Book of Bad Grooming.

The camera adds ten pounds. For these poor souls, apparently, of hair. (I'm  not totally against the idea of men with long hair. I swear.)

(Getty Images)

Word is that Jarrod Saltalamacchia is insecure about his ringlets and so I shouldn't make fun of them. If that were the case, however, it seems to me that he'd just lop the damn things off and be done with it. I suspect that he secretly finds great pleasure in pulling them straight and watching them sproing back.

(Getty Images)

Jonny Gomes belongs to the Hill People. 

(Getty Images)

Andrew Miller looks as if he trimmed his beard with those plastic scissors that they give to kindergarteners this morning. He chopped off part of his moustache and allowed big patches at the back to just grow free. Or something.

Darwin Awards Honorable Mention: Bryce Brentz.

Making it as baseball player is no easy task without adding a couple of extra holes to your leg.

In a genuine Homer Simpson moment Bryce Brentz, decided to clean his firearm without making sure that it was not loaded. And of course the charming knucklehead went and shot his leg clean through. He may be able to make it into a few games near the end of spring training but he's cost himself the opportunity to impress the people that he needs to impress and he's also shown that not being a dumbass isn't something he's capable of.

Mark Your Calendars.

The weather outside may be frightful but in order to bring a little sunshine into your heart and soul, NESN has released the list of games they will be televising this spring. As follows:

Sat, Feb. 23 vs. Rays, 1:30 p.m.

Wed, Feb. 27 at Orioles, 7 p.m.

Fri, March 1 vs. Pirates, 7 p.m.

Sun, March 3 vs. Yankees, 1:30 p.m.

Fri, March 8 vs. Twins, 7 p.m.

Sat, March 9 vs. Orioles, 7 p.m.

Sun, March 10 at Rays, 1 p.m.

Fri, March 15 vs. Twins, 7 p.m.

Sun, March 17 vs. Rays, 1 :30 p.m.

Thu, March 21 vs. Phillies, 7 p.m. (NESN Plus)

Sat, March 23 vs. Pirates, 1:30 p.m.

Sun, March 24 at Phillies, 1 p.m.

Thu, March 28 vs. Twins, 7 p.m.

Sat, March 30 vs Twins, 1:30 p.m. (NESN Plus)

 

Maybe it's not much but it'll do.

There's Nothing on T.V. on Wednesday Night Anyway.

Kevin Millar and Tim Wakefield have joined forces to teach quarterbacks to throw a knuckleball. The adventure was filmed and somehow, someone is declared the winner and gets to go to Spring Training with the Arizona Diamondbacks.


I love Wakey and Kevin Millar is alright with me but I have no idea what to say about this.

Gotta Dream Boy.

With the football finally, finally behind us we can fully turn our attention to the most glorious game of baseball. Players are trickling into Fort Myers; truck day is this week; pitchers and catchers next week. Spring, despite the chill in the air, is in sight.

Where am I going? I don't know.

 I hate to say it because I feel like a terrible jinx but this could be an okay team. If the pitching holds up (and Jon Lester's decline is just an illusion and not an indication that his best days are behind him), there is the possibility that this could be a good team. If Mike Napoli's pelvic bone doesn't collapse in on itself after a particularly enthusiastic swing, there is the possibility that they could be a very good team.

Two years ago, of course, they were going to win one hundred and sixty-plus games in the season and gleefully roll through the post-season. Last year they were a very good team, with a chip on their collective shoulder, embarrassed about the way 2011 ended. And we all know how that went.

Where am I heading? I ain't certain.

The problem is the number of question marks on this team. Has David's ankle healed well enough for him to be what he was last year? Can the youngest Drew be useful? Can Napoli make it through the season without needing a wheelchair? Will he be passable at first? Will our Will strike out one hundred and fifty times this season?

Then there's the question of John Farrell. Did he learn from that disaster that he presided over in Toronto? His teams were sloppy and lazy. I hate sloppy baseball. They were stupidly aggressive. How much of that was the team and how much of that was him? Is he intransigent? Did he push his team beyond their abilities? Did he not recognize their limitations?

All I know is I am on my way.

They might not be much to look at [Aside: Shane Victorino's Hawaiian accent is very cool.] but they're my team. I knew my enthusiasm would return. Have at it boys. And please try not to be embarrassing this season. Thank you.

Coming Apart at the Seams.

The last we heard Ryan Lavarnway had headed down to Fort Myers early in order to get some early work in with Gary Tuck. Now we're hearing that Gary Tuck has decided to retire. So the question is: Ryan, what did you do?

Zing!

Ben Cherington was complimented on his tie before the Red Sox Town Hall. "I was trying to be sexy," he said.
— Brian MacPherson (@brianmacp) January 17, 2013

*Snort* Well, he does have a nice bum. 

Scintillating.

I was under the impression that Terry Francona wasn't an idiot. Guess I was wrong.

Francona's book, Terry Francona: The Red Sox Years, (titles are hard) comes out in a week. In order to create buzz, an excerpt of the book will be released tomorrow and because some people can't wait, exactly who these people are remains a mystery but they must be out there, there was the release of an excerpt of the excerpt today. And today's astounding revelation? Baseball is a business and owners, as businessmen, are super interested in their investment not losing money. 

"Our owners in Boston, they’ve been owners for 10 years. They come in with all these ideas about baseball, but I don’t think they love baseball. I think they like baseball. It’s revenue, and I know that’s their right and their interest because they’re owners — and they’re good owners. But they don’t love the game. It’s still more of a toy or a hobby for them. It’s not their blood. They’re going to come in and out of baseball. It’s different for me. Baseball is my life.”

 Here's a tip, my lovely: If you're going to a good old fashioned bridge burning, don't show up with a magnifying glass and a dry leaf.

If it's meant to be insulting, it doesn't do a very good job because insults generally lose their power when you take them back before you've even finished issuing them. It just comes across as very childish and honestly? I've had enough of childish baseball players. 

I generally liked Francona. I appreciate the work that he did during his tenure here. But the problem is that writing the book makes him a rat and rats are the most contemptible of people. 

Who's Your Nanny?

Maybe not an important piece of news but Brian MacPherson tweets:

Rubby De La Rosa's grandmother was Pedro Martinez's nanny.
— Brian MacPherson (@brianmacp) January 11, 2013

It's six degrees of Pedro Martinez and it is fabulous.

Reason to Tune In: David Ortiz.

Maybe it's not the most forward thinking reason to watch this baseball team and maybe I'll have to turn in my membership card to the "Fans of Logical Baseball" club but I love David. He is a joyful man who loves playing and I love watching David play. Even when things are going really poorly, he's never more than one at bat from getting back on track. (That is true, of course, for every player but I've never groaned at the thought that David was on deck.) Plus, he's good people and good people are fun to root for.

He was having a very good year before the ankle failed him. Hopefully, it heals well and he can get right back into it.

Reason to Tune In: the Bullpen.

Cherington gets a lot of crap for his relief pitcher fetish but the group that he has assembled for this year (assuming health, return to form, mechanical issues that can supposedly be easily fixed) looks to be a solid group. *Knock on wood, turn in three counter-clockwise circles while hopping on one leg, and spit on the ground*

Because it seems inevitable that some calamity will befall Andrew Bailey, trading for Joel Hanrahan makes sense. He's a solid pitcher, the walks might make you a little queasy but there's talent there. I liked No-Neck, he seemed to genuinely want to be here, if he returns to what he was in Houston, he's a good guy to have on your team and is, therefore, a fair price to pay. And modern baseball theory says that you need a closer who isn't going to stub his toe and then miss three months.

If we assume that Daniel Bard was not forever traumatized by the disaster that was him starting, he returns to the role in which he excelled. If he was forever traumatized (well, we'll always have that bases loaded strike out of Nick Swisher at Yankee Stadium), then you've got Andrew Bailey to play setup. And while Bailey's recovering from his stubbed toe, you've got Junichi Tazawa. If Tazawa can come anywhere close to what he did last year, it will lengthen the 'pen by quite a bit.

Then you've got your lefties in Breslow and Miller, who can be useful pitchers. And Freddy. Who knows what's going on with Freddy but two years ago he did well in the role of long man and it seems likely that that's where he'll be this year, so it might work out.

Now getting to the bullpen might be an adventure on most days but they are positioned to work out well. Hopefully.

Good Intentions.

I suspect that everybody's new year starts out with good intentions. I'm going to quit it with the chocolate. I'm going to exercise more. That painful, purply growth on my finger? Totally going to get that checked out this year. That sad, mostly abandoned blog? I'm going to write stuff for it.

But then four days go by and try as you might you just can't find anything to write about; a couple of minor league signings and interest expressed in wily, older players who might be past their prime but nothing super interesting. (Of course, there are those signings and trades that you chose to not have an expressed opinion about at the end of last year but whatever.) So lack of anything interesting to write about and, sad to say, lack of general interest in this team has left the sad abandoned blog in it's sad, abandoned state.

Therefore, I have given myself an assignment: Five awesome things about the 2013 Boston Red Sox. I figure that since I've generally been good at talking myself into things (I've almost almost talked myself into believing that I like John Lackey. Almost.) this might get me excited about this team, in addition to getting me to write something. There might, however, be a delay because first I'm going to have to think of five awesome things about this team. But I'm totally going to do it. Tomorrow or, you know, Sunday. Definitely some time.

And as for the chocolate, there are seven left in the box but I can't very well just throw them out. I did find a rogue Hershey Kiss today, which was very exciting.