Along Came Pretty Little May.

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So a bit of a nail-bitter there boys. But you finish April at .500 and, considering where you started and a meltdown or two along the way, that's not too awful. Hopefully, May will see more good outcomes than bad.

As Lucky as Lucky Can Be.

Gentlemen! A sweep! How very exciting. It wasn't a good win or a pretty win or, even, a game that they should have won but it'll have to do. Can't be too picky.

Clay is either completely clueless or, possibly, the most stubborn person alive. He gets a two strikes on the hitter and it's like his thought process goes: What'll I do? What'll I do? Oooh! I know--it'll totally fool them this time--cut fast ball! The other six, seven, eight, ten, twelve times this game that I've thrown the cutter in this situation it hasn't worked but this time, this time is the time that it'll work.

And then Bobby Valentine leaves him in too long before going to that great LOOGY, Scott Atchison (Yeah. I don't know.) followed by Justin Thomas (Yeah. I don't know.) before finally turning to Matty to bring an end to the inning. I've got nothing against Atchison but why you would bring him in to face Mauer, I have no idea. And then our most fantastic closer loads the bases with a walk, a single, and a hit batsman.

Thank goodness that they were playing the Twins. A competent major league lineup would have hung this pitching staff out to dry.

When the Rain Comes.

You can't win if you don't play but you can't lose either. So yay! Rain.

The Company You Keep.

So, monkeys, that was...something.

Teams that you currently have a better record than: Kansas City, San Diego, and the Cubbies. That's it. Those teams may have players who are saintly creatures that pull their cars to the side of the road to carry snapping turtles across the street but they're not the sort of baseball team that you want to emulate. I promise.

And, while he may be a jackass, it's not Valentine's fault. It seems like every other day he's either getting putrid starting pitching or a bullpen that needs the umpire to give the batter a two strike handicap in order to get an out and then only if they're super lucky.

I was ready to give Clay a pass for yesterday. A noted headcase, how could you expect him to pitch well when faced with his own mortality like that? (There but for six or seven years, less if you continue to pitch like this, goes Clay. I thought the ceremony was lovely, by the way; the different era jerseys a particularly nice touch.) But Fredo? Someone's got to calm that boy down. He gets all hyped up and then tries to be a closer instead of just pitching.

With the exception of Ryan Sweeney's chin, the outfield is not pretty. When they come up to bat I find myself urging them to only make one out and it'll count as a victory. And any time a ball falls in right field, I mumble that JD would have gotten it. But reinforcements are coming! Marlon Byrd! Yipee! *Hangs head in shame.*

Much to my surprise, there are times when Mike Aviles has looked like an actual shortstop. But Kevin Youkilis can barely move and Pedroia seems a step slower. I'm head-over-heels for Shoppach so clearly the man can do no wrong but for Saltalamacchia the whole catching the ball hasn't really worked out and hitting the ball hasn't really worked out. Plus, he could really use a haircut.

But maybe this is the sort of loss that exorcises September's demons because clearly, they haven't gotten over it. Or maybe we should all squeeze our eyes shut and pray for rain.

Bobby V's Seminar in Organizational Communication.

Saying What You Mean, Meaning What You Say.
This summer, Bobby Valentine will be presenting an ongoing seminar on strengthening organizational communications. Topics covered will include: Employee-Employer relations, Supervisor-Subordinate relations, Public relations, and Media relations.

About Bobby Valentine: Known for his outspoken style and brash demeanor, Bobby Valentine has been in baseball for his entire working life. He has partaken of every role on the field, from player, to coach, to manager. His years as a manager in Japan have led to a wealth of knowledge in communicating across language and cultural barriers. His work as a national baseball analyst has given him particular insight into the media and media relations.

Other Information: Free and open to the public. No registration required.

Preview:

Bobby V's Steps to Improved Organizational Communications:
Step 1: Open mouth.
Step 2: Insert foot.

RSVP.

Terry Francona will not be coming to Fenway Park's 100th birthday party.

I like Francona. I get that his feelings were hurt and I understand why he wouldn't want to show up at Fenway ever again. I'm not a particular fan of Larry Lucchino but I also understand why he'd be pissed at Francona for refusing to come. Meanwhile, the whole thing has turned into a soap opera with a level of drama that your average middle-school girl would be proud of.

Justified or not, Francona was shown the door after the team's piss-poor performance last September. Knowing how poorly Larry takes criticism, Francona took a parting shot on his way out of town. If we operate under the assumption that nothing goes on at 4 Yawkey Way that Larry doesn't know about, Larry got his best thirteen-year-old girl on and responded ten-fold by engineering the smear campaign of Francona. And then things went silent.

Spring training rolls around, Francona pops up in Fort Myers, and thirteen-year-old girl style, randomly announces that nobody is returning his calls and nobody has invited him to the party but he wouldn't want to go anyway. So there. The first is just weird because who besides, apparently, Terry Francona has ever expected their old boss (who has just fired them) to call and chat.

Now Francona's got the masses behind him and feeling himself on a roll, tells the world that John Henry finally did return his call. But that it was too little, too late. Henry should have called months ago and Francona didn't really want to talk to him. Why he whined about it then in the first place, I don't know. And silence again.

Today Francona runs to Shaughnessy, of all people, and announces that he was invited to the party but that he will decline the invitation. Fine. I get that. I really do. The response by the Red Sox to his comment that the Front Office didn't have his back was way over the top, hurtful, ugly, unnecessary, and hideous. He is perfectly within the right to stay home and not bother with these people ever again. But he also can't resist sniping that Larry had the gall to call and yell at him about being unfair.

Well, Terry. You are being unfair. You've said that you don't believe the the Front Office was behind the smear campaign but you're the one who keeps taking potshots at the team and then rejecting the olive branch when it is extended.

Never forget that Larry is smarter than you and more conniving than you. Larry is a queen bee and has the role of mean girl down pat. You can't beat him at his own game and you'll only end up looking bad if you try.

A Great Ballclub, We Haven't Got.

Well, boyos. It hasn't been pretty. But there's something to be said for being, for the most part, competitive. And really, where's the fun in winning all the time? Last August, it was kind of boring when you were consistently taking three out of four and steamrolling your way through the league.

But do you remember boys, what it was like to not start off by digging yourselves and enormous hole to climb out of? Let's go back to the halcyon days of 2007. There aren't all that many of you still around from that idyllic time but it was a good start. It wasn't necessarily a year that had the prestige of, say, a 2004 but that team took control of the division on April 18 and didn't let go once. They say ballplayers need to have short memories, so maybe you can't actually remember but can you imagine what that would be like?

It's not too late to right ship. Right now a suitable goal would seem to be to win a second game and then go from there. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

One.

They were going to win eventually. Sooner or later, though sooner was clearly better than later, they were going to win a game. And in all likelihood, they'll win plenty more. But getting one was important.

Double Sigh.

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Josh Beckett could use a drink.

Sigh.

Six Months Out of Every Year.

Play ball!

One Game More.

The end of spring training completely sneaked up on me. I'm going to go ahead and blame the winter that never was but I was genuinely surprised that Opening Day was this Thursday.

Maybe it's just the idea of real baseball (and baseball is fun) but in a reversal, I'm suddenly looking forward to the season. Maybe Jacoby Ellsbury returns to earth, maybe Youkilis can't stay on the field, maybe Daniel Bard doesn't work out as a starter, and maybe Bobby Valentine turns out to be a disaster and is fired by mid-May, or maybe none of those things happen. It should be fun, though.

Not totally appropriate until tomorrow but for Adrian, from Les Miserables:

Tomorrow we'll discover
What our God in Heaven has in store!
One more dawn
One more day
One day more!