Oriolitis.

What the hell was that? The ending was alright but the beginning? Bah. The beginning was terrible.

Hopefully, they're just trying to get all the suck out of them before they get to the play offs and they haven't contracted a severe case of Couldn't-pitch-tee-ball, otherwise known as Oriolitis (named after it's discoverer the recent Baltimore Orioles). The disease is slow progressing and they've been exhibiting an early symptom, Finds-grounding-into-double-plays-extra-fun, since early days. Unfortunately for a team hoping to win baseball games (as a team on the verge of making the post season would be looking to do), the prognosis for Oriolitis is not good. It's just not easy to do when you suffer from those symptoms.

So is there a cure? How does one overcome Oriolitis? Well, Eli Lilly is hard at work modifying E. Coli bacteria for injection but is yet to have any success against Oriolitis-it's quite virulent. The only known course of treatment is to go home and wait until next year and even that's not always effective.

So, fingers and toes crossed that they're just in a little funk right now and that when it really matters, they'll be able to get it together again.

The Not Ready for Primetime Pitchers.

Michael Bowden breezed onto the scene last year and did well. And maybe it's because of the Steve McQueen resemblance and the cute little accent or maybe because well-regarded pitching prospects have done well for the Sox or maybe because their names both start with B and so he was paired with Buchholz in Pawtucket and often mentioned in the same breath but regardless of how it came about expectations were high for Bowden this season. He has not met those expectations.

But that's not to say that he's useless. He has shown signs of being the pitcher he might very well become; he's k'd Jeter a couple of times, he was making some good pitches today and not getting the call. Mostly it's because throughout his minor league career Bowden has been a guy who's struggled right after a promotion before settling down (not that he doesn't battle bouts of inconsistency afterward). The kid has the mentality of a pit bull and he's not done yet.

Hunter Jones, meanwhile, came out gangbusters in April, hit a really rough patch in May, and hasn't been hugely successful in September but if he could get his control back, there would be something to like there.

Dustin Richardson could possibly be the most exciting of all of them. He was a starter until this year, he's not unhittable, and control can be an issue, but his strike out numbers are mind-boggling. In 10.2 innings at Pawtucket this year, he struck out 16.

Small Pleasures.

Maybe it was because I started the game on mute and didn't hear a single word of drivel from the FOX guys but I wasn't particularly disturbed by yesterday's game. And after Matsuzaka loaded the bases with nobody out and the Yankees got nothing? Well, I was perfectly fine with them losing because that was beautiful.

But boyos, do you remember back at the beginning of the season when you played the Yankees like a badly tuned fiddle? Remember running roughshod over them? Stealing home? Grand slams from Senor *tilde implied* Varitek and taking back a six run lead? Maybe you should try to channel that mojo this afternoon.

And as a side note: Victor, I love the enthusiasm but please don't hurt yourself.

Be Better Tomorrow.

I'm having a tough time deciding which is worse: losing to the Yankees or losing to the Royals. Losing to the Royals (except for Greinke) is pathetic. It takes talent to lose to the Royals--they're not a good baseball team and they shouldn't win games. Losing to the Royals is completely your fault (except for Greinke), especially when you give the game away.

The Yankees, on the other hand, are supposed to win games. It's not embarrassing to lose to the Yankees. The only problem is that you then have to deal with Yankee fans. I hate Yankee fans (smug, useless, boring people) but that's not news. Losing to the Yankees is probably worse.

And so we go back to the show tune shtick because it worked in the past. And I really don't want to have to deal with Yankee fans again until October (and preferably not even then). Thank you.

Confessions.

Yankee games turn me into a terrible, terrible person. Earlier today I was thinking that they should try to bounce some batted balls off of the Yankee pitchers. And then I had this amusing image in my head of Sabathia being unable to continue pitching because his fat wouldn't stop jiggling. Didn't really see it going the other way though. Apologies to Lester. Mea Culpa.

Also, Phil Hughes squatted behind the mound before he pitched, much in the way Daniel Bard does. I don't know if he also uses that time to pray but it shouldn't really matter because as I informed him through my television "God doesn't like you."

I feel better.

The Point is Probably Moot.

Ignore Beckett. In the background you can hear the sweet strains of Rick Springfield being creepy about his best friend's girlfriend. So here's my question: Who is the woman in her mid-forties masquerading as a ballplayer? And is he the one singing along (about 30 seconds in)? Because whoever he is he has a pretty good falsetto. These are things that I need to know.

Bird-Brained.

Well, Paul Byrd since the bullpen was so putrid last night it's all up to you. Sadly, you've drawn the unfortunate lot of having to face off against Greinke but somebody had to do it. Technically, it shouldn't be too hard to keep your team in the game--they're the Royals *knock wood* they don't score many runs. Hopefully, it doesn't suck too badly. Anyway, in your honor, I've been working on my puns all morning. (And I know that they're not all puns and I'm cool with it.)

1. Please don't lay an egg out there, Paul Byrd.

--or conversely--

2. Put up a row of goose eggs.

3. Pauley want a cracker? Don't suck and you can have one.

4. Paul Byrd: It's your tern. Don't waste it.

5. Paul Byrd: Robin the Royals.

and my personal favorite

6. Paul Byrd: Taking on Greinke and not chicken about it.

Forgive me.

Poor Victor Martinez.

Jennifer Garner appeared on Jay Leno last night to plug her new movie and as the wife of the ultimate (I would call him a douchenozzle if it wasn't too Southie but since it is, I'll be polite) Sox fan Ben Affleck, she was asked to name the starting line up.

Now, to her credit she did know that they were in KC last night and that they had just come in from Baltimore. And it probably was just a slip from being put on the spot but...

I get how it would be easy to mistake Victor Martinez for Alex Gonzalez. They're very similar players. Similar bats, similar set of baseball skills. And to top it all off, they're both Hispanic, with Hispanic names. They're practically interchangeable. Victor Martinez, Alex Gonzalez, Manuel Ramirez, Pancho Villa. How are you gonna tell the apart?

She did look very pretty though.

When it Rains.

Congratulations gentlemen. You have found a new and particularly effective way to completely ruin a day. A day that didn't start out well but then you come home and the score is 6-0 and you think "This'll be fun." But then it's not fun. Not fun at all.

You do remember that you're playing the Royals right? And that other than a little bit of pitching they don't do really any elements of playing baseball well. Even John Smoltz beat the Royals.

I would say that it was a new low but the bullpen already lost one to the Royals on July 9. But that was somehow extra pathetic. And it may be time to start being concerned about Manny Del.

Or maybe it's Sean Casey's fault. They did lose two out of three to Seattle when he was in the booth.

A Gift.

The Angels muff two double play balls and the Red Sox score five. Ramon Ramirez gets a k to end the next half inning and then the Angels score four more. They tie it in the eighth and then give it right back with two outs in the ninth. Nick Green strikes out twice (once swinging and once looking) with the bases loaded to end the game but ends up getting a walk to tie the game. And Alex Gonzalez ends it with a blast that lands maybe one hundred and twenty feet down the third base line. Meanwhile, Mike Scioscia looks apoplectic (which isn't unusual) and John Lackey seems ready to kill someone.

But even when it's a loss, a win is a win. And you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. So we'll leave it at that.

Banzai! Banzai! Banzai!

Color me surprised but I did not think that we were going to get that. I was prepared for a long night; I had all my talismans lined up, at the end of the first half inning I gleefully shouted "One!", and (honestly) I watched him pitch for the first three innings through my fingers.

But then he goes out and throws six innings barely allowing three hits. He didn't load the bases. He didn't have too many walks. He didn't throw too many pitches. It was nice. It might just be a brief reprieve before old Daisuke comes back but it was welcome.

Ganbatte, Matzusaka-San!

Looking Ahead.

The 2010 regular season schedule was released today and with the Dodgers coming into town June 18-20, I really hope that Manny decides that LA isn't for him and goes somewhere else in the National League (and not to Arizona or Philly) next season. I guess I have yet to give up my occupation as Manny-apologist but his return has the potential to be really ugly.

They've also got three west coast swings next year: Colorado and San Francisco from June 22-27, a hugely unfortunate trip through Seattle, Oakland, and LA from July 19-28, and Seattle and Oakland on September 10-15. That many late nights at the end of July is going to kill me.

Also, I'm not necessarily looking for happy little coincidences but the last time the home opener was against the Yankees was 2005. Just sayin'.

Signs That Times are Tough.

Even gazillionaires are affected by the crummy economy.

John Henry has taken to blogging for NESN (as Don and Heidi were very excited to inform everyone today--Jerry? Not so much) in order to earn a little extra scratch. I won't make fun of him because 1: Clearly, the man is overly intelligent, has an extensive vocabulary, and spells oof in a very French manner, 2: He uses quite a few exclamation marks and I find a love of exclamation marks endearing, and 3: He's a little scary--in a he-could-make-you-disappear-and-no-one-would-ever-question-it kind of way.



Meanwhile, Larry Lucchino was spotted moonlighting as a member of the custodial staff between games this afternoon. Running a baseball team isn't cheap, you know? And every little bit helps.

Says Josh Beckett to the Concerned Masses:

After a bit of forced practice for the off-season (wandering around the house, wondering what I'm going to watch with no baseball on my television) they managed to get enough of tonight's game in. Definitely a good thing because Josh Beckett looked better and the bats were in good form. More runs and good pitching from the good guys tomorrow. Please.

Pin Pals.

Say what you will about Josh Beckett (and I may have said it all) being taciturn and surly, he really does seem to care about the success of Beckett Bowl and helping out Children's hospital. I'm not sure I've ever heard him string together that many words at a time.

Orioles Updates.

I was poking around trying to find out something about the Orioles call-ups when I came across the bit of news that David Pauley, or rather David Pauley's girlfriend, had a baby. She's a sickly little mite so hopefully everything goes well for her in the future. And it's probably a good thing that Pauley didn't get a call-up this September.

As for who they did bring up, they went with pitchers Alberto Castillo, Matt Albers, and Dennis Sarfate (all of whom we've seen before) and outfielder Jeff Fiorentino. We last saw Fiorentino playing for the As in Tokyo spring 2008--he had a pinch hit single off Bryan Corey--in the second game. He was a September call-up for the Os in 2006, as well.

Also, the Yankees seem to have gone on a spree wherein they break the opposing team's best player. Yesterday, Sabathia took out Carlos Pena *tilde implied* for at least the season with a fastball to the hand and in their last swing through Baltimore, they busted Adam Jones' ankle. Caution is advised.

A Quick Note From the Bats to Beckett.

Hey Josh:

We know that you've been struggling a lot lately. We know that even today you weren't particularly sharp but you managed to hang in there. But we thought that you should know that we don't particularly care. Sorry but that's the way it is.

Occasionally yours,
The Bats

What's Next?

First, there was being beaten by being unable to pitch. Then, there was being beaten by being unable to hit. So it begs the question, "What's left?"Being beaten by being unable to field? Will today's game be lost by a single unearned run? Meanwhile, Texas keeps holding on (although Baltimore did keep it together last night) and Tampa would be fading if they could manage to win a game.

A Laugher in Second City.

Kevin Youkilis and I agree on some things.

Well boys, that was fugly. And there's little else to say about that. At least it was quick. Fingers and toes crossed for Wake tomorrow.

Calling all Clays.

Well Clay, no pressure or anything, but it's up to you. If you could do that Clay Buchholz: Made of Awesome thing that you can sometimes do, that would be aces. Thank you.

The World According to Eck.

Boston Magazine has a semi-interesting interview with Dennis Eckersley in their September issue. They hit on the announcing gig with NESN, his vocabulary, kidnapping Joe Morgan, his look, playing golf, Don, steroids, politics, favorite baseball movie, and Jonathan Papelbon. There's nothing too exciting but it's worth a look if only for the picture they included with it.

He does make it sound like he's not done filling in for Jerry for the season:

Re: Working with Orsillo: "He is, absolutely. And I think he's comfortable with me, too. …It's like he can say whatever he wants, because I'm always asking him. In fact, I need to make a point to not do that anymore. Because I'll say something like I'm waiting for him to cosign it, like, "Right, Don?" and he looks at me like, "You're the one who's supposed to know what's going on."

I have grown to really like him, so that's good.

The Lizard King.

For all I know, Matt Garza could be the nicest guy ever. He may embody all of the good things in the world. I have heard things in that vein about him. People who have met him seem to think that he's a nice guy. And at one point last season, they showed him psyching himself up for a game by very enthusiastically rocking out his own self with an imaginary drum kit to whatever was playing on his IPod and it was kinda adorable. But I can't get behind the idea of good-natured Matt Garza.

He spits too much to be a nice guy. One would think he'd be creating hazardous working conditions with the trail of phlegm he leaves in his wake. Someone might slip. And since, short of actual damage to his salivary glands, no one could produce that much spit out of necessity, the spitting must be malicious. He must intend for his opponents to step on a loogie, lose their footing, and go crashing to the ground.

Y'hear that Josh Beckett? You can't let this guy and his tricky, slimy ways beat you. Not tonight.

Sweet Deal.

Watching Jacoby Ellsbury play in last night's game saddened me. My favorite player has almost always been the guy out in center field. I love spectacular catches and the stunning athleticism that goes into them. Torii Hunter, Adam Jones, Curtis Granderson, even Carlos Gomez. I love to watch those guys play. But I don't love Ellsbury, at least not anymore than any other member of the team.

So, why? Why is Ellsbury different? It's more than needing to distinguish myself from the teeny-boppers. It's that he's always struck me as boring. It seems to me that he does the right thing, says the right thing, and goes about without an original thought in his head. It's very (forgive me) Jeter-like; very white bread.

I suppose that it's not really fair. Beside Curtis Granderson (whom I adore beyond words), I don't know if any of my other center-fielders are interesting as people. But that's just the way it is. Skimming the paper this morning, however, may have caused me to rethink my position on Ellsbury just a little. Describing the catch of Pat Burrell's gapper:

"Go. Go. Gadget-Arm."

It made me smile. And he may be in need of an upgrade. I'm thinking seedless-rye. But he gets points taken off for getting the Inspector Gadget theme song stuck in my head, so maybe only whole-wheat.

I am a Little-stitious.

I don't think that I'm alone in having little things I like to do before and during a sporting event. I wouldn't call them superstitions because I honestly don't believe that my doing them will have any effect on the outcome of the game but I faithfully do them anyway. And why not? They don't cause any harm and they give me a sense of control over something I have no control over. Rituals might be a good word.

Jon Lester starts used to be met with a groan and a prayer but not anymore. Somewhere along the line, he became immune to my rituals. It doesn't matter if I have to park somewhere besides my usual spot at work or if I get too busy and have to skip lunch. It's okay because Jon Lester is pitching and he doesn't need my help to win a ballgame.

And that is very cool.

A-Ring-a-Ding-Ding.

I think I get it (or at least can justify it). The theme of Mike Lowell's fundraiser was "A Night at the Copa". The Copa was popular in the 40s and 50s. With those blue eyes, Jason Bay wasn't going to pass for Sammy Davis Jr. or Dean Martin. And what Frank Sinatra impersonation would be complete without an iridescent fedora? At least, I hope that's what he was going for and that that hat is not a part of his everyday going out wardrobe.