Old Socks.

Keith Fo-- I mean Kevin Cash has been hired to be the manager of the Tampa Bay Rays. Good for him.

Ryan Lavarnway has been claimed off waivers by the Dodgers and I hope that it works out for him.

And Andrew Miller has said pfft on being poor and signed a four year, $36 million deal with the devil-er...the Yankees. It's too bad but $9 million per year? For a reliever? I'm glad that my team isn't paying that. Obviously, we can't wish him well which is a shame because he seemed like a nice enough guy. Plus, once you put on blue pinstripes your soul oozes out of your ears when you go to sleep at night and that's a terrible fate for anyone really. May he fall in a hole over the winter and avoid that outcome.

Big To Do.

So Ben Cherington has gone out and signed Pablo Sandoval to play third base and Hanley Ramirez to play a sort of nebulous outfield, regardless of the fact that he already has too  many outfielders. It's difficult to judge the move without knowing how the whole thing shakes out but, as currently constituted, it makes for a very impressive lineup. Get some pitching and this could very well be a team to be reckoned with.

Here's what I want to know: How is Hanley Ramirez almost thirty-one years old? I don't remember growing older, when did they?

Also, Ben Cherington has a creepy smile.

Happy Birthday David!

 (Source: Rich Schultz/Getty Images North America)

Let's all wish a very happy birthday to David Ortiz. Many happy returns to him.

Important Dates.

Some important dates to keep in mind to get you through the dark winter.

February 12--Truck Day
February 20--Pitchers and Catchers
February 21--First Workouts
February 25--Position Players
March 3--First Spring Training Game

High Five!

(Source: Jamie Squire/Getty Images North America)

The Red Sox announced today that Koji Uehara has been signed to a two-year $18 million deal. It might be a little high but it's not unpalatable. If he's awesome again, then that's even better.

Can You Believe It?

10/20/2004.

10/19/2004.

 

10/18/2004.

10/17/2004.

10/16/2004.

10/13/2004.

10/12/2004.

10/12/2004

Notes.

1. Rusney Castillo can be rearranged into: So...clearly I stun. Whether he's stunningly good or stunningly bad remains to be seen. Tune in tonight to find out!

2. Speaking of tuning in, after one of the games in Kansas City, Gary Stiewski interviewed William and I found myself advising Gary through the television: Don't talk to him! I like you. And he might not be able to control himself and he'll get you fired.

3. After the PawSox lost their championship last night there will be plenty of new faces hanging around the yard tonight. Making the trip to Pittsburgh are, Bryce Brentz, Garin Cecchini, Edwin Escobar, Heath Hembree, and Ryan Lavarnway.  At least their paychecks will be a little fatter for September.

4. Let us all bow our heads and pray for a good soaking, consistent, never-letting-up rain storm for the weekend of the 27th. Amen.

Another Op'nin.

Since the end of the 2014 season can't come soon enough, let us rejoice in the release of the 2015 season schedule. Opening on the road at Philly, ending on the road at Cleveland. Let's hope that it goes better than this year.

Dropping Like Flies.

Yoenis Céspedes left tonight's game due to personal reasons. My guess? He personally couldn't stand playing for such a crappy, incompetent team.

A Joke.

Perhaps a little light entertainment because this season is...not. (Note: I didn't write this joke.)

Once upon a time, there were these two racehorses: Moe and Joe. Moe and Joe were born on the same farm, within days of each other. They grew up together, frolicked in the same fields, and were the best of friends. Two peas in a pod. Two pigs in a blanket. Likethis but closer. As they grew older they began their training together and ran against each other every day. Some days Moe would win and some days Joe would win. But they always remained the best of friends. Two peas in a pod. Two pigs in a blanket. Likethis but closer. On the day before their first big race, Moe turned to Joe and said, "You know what, Joe? We are the best of friends. Two peas in a pod. Two pigs in a blanket. Likethis but closer. We shouldn't let the outcome of this race, whatever it happens to be, ruin our friendship." "You know what, Moe? You're right. We should always remain the best of friends. Two peas in a pod. Two pigs in a blanket. Likethis but closer." So the day of the big race came, they were coming down the backstretch and it was Moe then Joe then Moe then Joe then Moe and Joe won. From the winners circle, Joe barely had time to wave at his friend Moe before he was whisked off and had newspaper articles written about him and he was featured on magazine covers. And Moe was happy for his friend. After all, they were the best of friends. Two peas in a pod. Two pigs in a blanket. Likethis but closer. After a couple of weeks, Joe finally came back to the farm where they both lived. Joe was all excited to tell Moe about his big adventure but Moe was a little put out. "You know what, Joe?" he said. "We're supposed to be the best of friends. Two peas in a pod. Two pigs in a blanket. Likethis but closer. And while you were gone, I didn't hear from you once. You didn't write. You didn't call. It was like I didn't matter to you." "I'm so sorry, Moe. I really am. I just got so swept up in the excitement and I didn't really have a whole lot of time to myself. But that's no excuse. We're supposed to be the best of friends. Two peas in a pod. Two pigs in a blanket. Likethis but closer. And that's not how a friend acts. Tell you what. The next time we race against each other, I'll let you win and then you'll see." "You don't have to do that for me." "I don't have to but I want to." "You'd really do that for me?" "Of course, we're the best of friends. Two peas in a pod. Two pigs in a blanket. Likethis but closer." "Well, gee, thanks Joe." "Not a problem, Moe." So the next big race came up and Moe was pretty excited. He was looking forward to getting all the accolades that his friend Joe had gotten. The race began and it was Moe then Joe then Moe then Joe then Moe then Joe then Moe then...Joe won again. After the race, Joe was embarrassed: losing wasn't as easy as he had thought that it would be and so he avoided his friend in the paddock. He didn't want to see how disappointed Moe would be. Moe, meanwhile, waited patiently for his friend afterward. He understood that Joe hadn't meant to win but that the spirit of the race had just swept him up. He wasn't angry at his friend. But Joe never showed. Three weeks later, Joe sheepishly walked into the stables of the farm that they both lived on. Before Moe could say anything, Joe said, "Moe, I'm so sorry. Look I brought you some souvenirs and I got you a celebrity autograph. I really did mean to let you win." "I understand that, Joe. I understood that three weeks ago. But you left without saying goodbye and then I didn't hear from you for three weeks. Not even a little postcard. You were just gone. *Poof* It's a rotten way to treat a friend." "I know, Moe. I know. I was just so worried that you'd be mad at me. I said that I'd let you win and then I didn't. I didn't know if we'd still be the best of friends. Two peas in a pod. Two pigs in a blanket. Likethis but closer. after what I did." "Of course, we would have been, Joe. You don't let a little thing like that break up such a good friendship." "What about now, Moe?" "What about now?" "Can you forgive me? Are we still the best of friends. Two peas in a pod. Two pigs in a blanket. Likethis but closer?" "Oh, Joe. Of course." "You know what Moe? You're the best friend ever. We're better than the best of friends. We're better than two peas in a pod. We're better than two pigs in a blanket. We're closer than likethis but even closer. You know what I'm going to do for you? I am really going to let you win the next race that we have against each other. And then you'll get to go on a world tour and meet celebrities and be on the cover of horse racing magazines. Even if I have to run backwards or stand stock still. I'm going to let you win." "You'd do that for me, Joe." "I'd do that for you Moe because we're the best of friends. Two peas in a pod. Two pigs in a blanket. Likethis but closer." So the day of the big race came and they were in the starting gate and Joe turned to Moe and said, "Are you ready for your big win? Are you ready to go off on a world tour and meet celebrities and be famous?" Moe, if he had to admit it was more than a little excited to get the accolades that his friend had been getting. "I'm ready Joe!" The race started and it was Moe then Joe then Moe then Joe then Moe then Joe then Moe then...Joe won by a nose. Again. Moe was mad. Not just because the horse who claimed that they were the best of friends. Two peas in a pod. Two pigs in a blanket. Likethis but closer. had beaten him not just because that same friend was grinning like an idiot in the winners circle but also because Joe had had an opportunity to let him win, it would have been easy but instead he kicked it into another gear and made a fool of Moe for believing him. But Moe was not having it this time. This was supposed to be his opportunity to shine and his best friend had taken it away from him. He marched right up to Joe in the winners circle, he wasn't letting him get away for a month without owning up to what he did. "Joe!" he said. "I thought that you were going to let me win for once. I thought that that was the plan. I thought that you cared about something other than yourself. I thought that you cared about our friendship, that we were the best of friends. Two peas in a pod. Two pigs in a blanket. Likethis but closer. I thought that that mattered to you." "Moe--" Moe cut him off, "No. I'm going to say my piece. You said that I mattered to you but you don't act like it and it makes me feel really rotten. Not just that I can't beat you, I can except that--" "Moe--" "I was looking forward to that world tour. I wanted to meet celebrities and be on the cover of horse racing magazine. But instead of any of that, I just feel a fool for believing you." Joe was yelling at this point and causing a commotion. A shaggy dog came up to them to try to calm Moe down. "Moe. Joe." he said. "Let's not do this here. You guys are the best of friends. Two peas in a pod. Two pigs in a blanket. Likethis but closer. I'm sure that you can work this out."

Moe looked at Joe.

Joe looked at Moe.

And said, "Hey look! A talking dog."



Also, Clay is the worst and David is the best.

Shy.

Say what you will about him but Ben Cherington is certainly bold.

At this point, Cespedes is probably more reputation than actual talent but he's an above average player with a ton of power, even if he will insist on swinging at the curve ball in the dirt. And this might not be correct, but I feel like David is more successful when he has a Spanish-speaking buddy on the team--and I don't doubt David's ability to make friends, he could probably charm Price if he was so inclined.

Who knows about Allen Craig. If the foot is irreparably damaged, it's not a good acquisition but if he can heal? He's another useful piece. I do think though, that Will Middlebrooks should make a point of trying to trip him whenever he can.

Joe Kelly doesn't miss bats and might be better suited to the bullpen but you've got to have somebody start games. Just before the All-Star break when Victorino was like, "I never expected to play at Futures at Fenway", Cherington probably smirked, "Just you wait."

As for the guys heading out the door, I never personally cared for Jon Lester or John Lackey and I didn't really have an opinion on Jonny Gomes but I will miss Andrew Miller.

There Won't Be Trumpets.

Not for this team.

It seems like once a month they come pretty close to getting no-hit and if some poor schmuck eventually manages to do it, it'll have to come with an asterisk: __________ threw a no-hitter today (or maybe a perfect game, that's always a possibility) against the 2014 Boston Red Sox* 

*Given their woeful season, it probably shouldn't actually count.

And tomorrow they get to go down to Tampa for the battle-of-the-not-quite-dead, though one team is certainly closer to dead now than the other team. Fantastic.
 

You Gotta Have a Gimmick.

It seems to me that Clay is a barometer of this team's ability to succeed. When Clay can put together a good year, the team does well. When he sucks, the team never works it out.

This year we get crappy Clay. It's too bad.

I Know Things Now.

I suppose that it would be stating the obvious to say that this team is frustrating. I was ready to accept that they stunk. I was. But then they win a couple of games (albeit against the White Sox and the Astros) and I'm right back with them. And then they go back to being awful.

They don't seem to be able to play up to their potential but it's been so long, maybe this is their potential. Dustin, as sad as it may be, seems to be finito.  And Jake? I like Jake so it's probably better for him to be shipped off somewhere, who would want to hang around with this lot?

I Guess I'll Miss the Man.

A.J. Pierzynski has been DFA'd. And there was much rejoicing.

Not by me. I always feel terribly awful about these things. I'm just too tender-hearted for this game.

Brush Up Your Shakespeare.

It's been awhile since we've played this game but when you've just been seriously embarassed, it might be time to reconsider the whole baseball as a profession thing. Never fear though, I'm here to help guide these men to more appropriate professions.

(Programming note: Like the last time we played, I will only be covering the Americans--and Xander Bogaerts because I'm under the impression that he had a more middle class upbringing--because then you get into a discussion of poverty and opportunity and that's just a drag. Also, I'll be ignoring our Japanese friends because I really don't know anything about them.)

Mike Napoli: I'd suggest bartending for Nap. He seems like an easy going guy, who likes people. Not a dive bar or a club or some ultra-hip place, but a little laid back bar on a beach, something out of a Jimmy Buffet song, seems appropriate.

Stephen Drew: This one stumped me for a long time. The obvious answer when you think of a Drew is preacher or missionary or something in that vein, and as the fun Drew, I just don't see that for Stephen. What I finally settled on was art restorer. He's got good hands and he's got a good eye and it's a quite job where he wouldn't be too put upon by the outside world.

Dustin Pedroia:The answer to the question, 'What would Dustin Pedroia be if he wasn't a baseball player?' seems to inevitably be...a baseball player. But if forced to choose, I think that he might do well in the world of non-profit fundraising. Find a cause he supports and throw all of his energy into charming people into giving up their cash.

Xander Bogaerts: He's a good-looking kid but not too good-looking. He's polite and well-spoken. He's charming. I think that a career in politics is definitely in the cards for him.

Mookie Betts: Elvis impersonator. If it turns out that he can't sing, we'll let him off the hook since he's from Tennessee and give him a job as a tour guide at Graceland.

Jonny Gomes: The first thing I thought was survivalist but that's not a job. Then I thought ex-military, former Green Beret, but that's a title and not a job that one can take up in their mid-thirties. So, because he seems to care greatly about the well-being of others and little about his own, I landed on firefighter.  And I could see that.

Jackie Bradley Jr.: Bradley Jr. seems like a smart kid but perhaps a little cautious--not the type to run into a burning building for fun. So, I've dropped him in finance and made him a banker. Not in the go-go world of Wall Street but in a large investment house managing pension funds.

Daniel Nava: He's a hard-worker and he's dedicated. He's calm and understanding. He doesn't flip out (at least I don't ever recall an instance of Daniel Nava flipping out). I see an elementary school teacher in Nava.

Brock Holt: Brock Holt could do anything he put his mind to. (Also, I don't know anything about him so I can't think of anything for him.)

A.J. Pierzynski: Pierzynski seems to have a clear idea of right and wrong. He doesn't seem to be afraid of anyone. He cuts an imposing figure. I think that he'd do well as a cop.

David Ross: Soft spoken and self-effacing. Seems like a good-listener. Experience dealing with lunatics and obsessives. I think that David Ross would make a fine psychologist.

Shane Victorino: I'd put Victorino on television but he talks way too fast but he might be able to find work as a radio show host.

Will Middlebrooks: I don't want to seem mean, he seems like a sweet boy, but he's just too dumb to have a job, so I'll go with unemployed.

Jon Lester: Jon Lester doesn't seem to like people or to like dealing with people or really to want to have anything to do with people. I think that he could learn computer coding and his lack of social graces wouldn't be such a problem in his new career as computer programmer.

Clay Buchholz: Clay has really long fingers and may have missed his calling as a concert pianist. I don't know about taking up piano this late in life, so if that didn't work out--I'd think that large hands would be beneficial to a mechanic.

John Lackey: Mime. Really this would be a service to the world because John Lackey should have a job where he is prohibited from ever speaking.

Jake Peavy: If there was anyone on this team that fit into the mold of a preacher, it would have to be Jake Peavy. He seems so very enthusiastic, it's hard not to want to follow him. I don't know where he fits on the God scale from say a Masterson to a Pedroia but if religion isn't his thing he could always be a salesman.

[Skipping Brandon Workman and the rest of the 'pen to get to]

Craig Breslow: It seems pretty clear at this point that Craig should have stuck with medicine.

My Eyes Are Fully Open.

I guess that that answers that: They really are that bad.

At least, we now know the truth.

You can't pretend that a team that loses to the Cubs is just unlucky, that at some point they'll turn it around or figure it out or whatever it might take to be better. There isn't some magic wand that will fix this team.

You can't pretend that getting Victorino back will make some big difference. You probably can't even assume that Shane will be able to not play in 2015. You can't act like Will Middlebrooks will be able to focus and be worth anything whatsoever.

Ryan Dempster may have been the smartest of them all.

They officially stink.

Yesterday, I Loved You.

Today, my darlings, not so much.

Considering this series before it began, you had to think that Boston had the edge. Yes, they've been as woefully inept as the Cubs but Boston is Boston and the Cubs are the Cubs. Sadly, it would appear that that was overestimating this team and their ability to overcome.

But yay! for Stephen Drew at least he could do one good thing for his paycheck.

A Kindness.

Oh, for Pete's sake boys. I get not wanting the Cubs to feel worse about themselves than they already do. They're the Cubs and that is definitely a reason to pity them. I get it. But possums, a hit would be a really, really nice thing. Thank you.

Here We Are Again.

In a hole. Listless. Unable to buy a hit.



At least we've got Pedro serving ice cream.

Prayer For A Season.

God?

I know this is going to sound ridiculous but this girl loves this team.

It's breath has ebbed, it's pulse is low
It's feet are webbed but even so
You must know
That although ours tears are poised to burst
We've kept our faith warm through the worst
We haven't cursed our luck or run amok
To prayer we've stuck
Please reward our pluck
And save this (lame) duck.

(Apologies to the writers of Pippin.)

Of course, the last part isn't quite true but since the duck dies anyway it might work out better this way.

Someone Left the Cake Out in the Rain.

So, let's see if we've got this right, gentlemen.

Defense, from the beginning, has not been your strong suit. You can't hit and now it turns out you can't pitch, either?

Well, that's a fantastic recipe for success, if I ever heard one.

Merrily We Roll Along.

Or maybe not so merrily. I suppose that I could be persuaded that I still care and that my blase attitude about this 2014 team is all a front. But since this team is not willing to put much effort into winning baseball games, I'll convince myself that I won't put much effort into hoping that they win baseball games. Or something.

And as a Boston fan you can't really dislike the A's, can you?

What's The Buzz?

Seriously boys? Making me go to Andrew Lloyd Weber? For shame.

But: When DO we ride into Jerusalem?

Even though all the evidence seems to point to it, I can't help but think that this team can't really be this awful. Can it? They scored one run in twenty-seven innings against a pitiful Orioles pitching staff, it can't continue like that. Right?

Uncle.

Well, that's it. Isn't it, boyos? Asking this team to score three runs would be like asking George Washington to rise from his grave and dance a jig.

The good thing about a crappy team is that it makes for some early nights.

The Impossible Dream.

Humph. You really are terrible, aren't you pigeons? I suppose .500 is going to be impossible this season, isn't it? Pathetic.

Try To Remember.

(Source: Jared Wickerham/Getty Images North America)

 I thought that that was well done overall. I've never denied my love of Manny Ramirez but it was nice to see him make amends. Johnny Damon, on the other hand, when a man can go from seemingly charming by beating arrhythmically on a drum set to completely infuriating by saying, "I feel like if Boston would have resigned me after 2005, we probably would have had a couple more championships." as if he had no agency in the situation whatsoever, I may have to admit that I never really got over him. But most of all, I'm glad that Curt felt well enough to get out there.

One!

 (Source: Scott Cunningham/Getty Images North America)

Evey little step you take. Every little step.

But The World Goes 'Round.

Kicks in the shins, eh boyos? Ah, well. It's just going to be one of those years this year, isn't it?

Much like last year's team, they needed everything to go right for them to be any good. But unlike last year's team, nothing seems to have gone right for them this year. Clay has been terrible. And Felix was worse. The bullpen has been not inspiring.

Will was supposed to not suck but Mr. Easilydistracted was beyond useless. One wouldn't think that going from Will to Brock Holt was an upgrade but look how that turned out. Xander has been kind of okay at short. I love the man but Dustin has been mediocre. Naples was the only one hitting for awhile but then he busted his finger. Pierzynski isn't much of a catcher but at least he's hit a little bit. Maybe David Ross needs to be conked on the head again.

And then there's David. David is wonderful and maybe he's slowed down a bit but what do you expect? The back may be broad but it's not broad enough to hoist twenty-four guys on there and drag them through September without getting tired.

As for the outfield, it's a real shame that Daniel lost his pixie dust and that Shane's hamstring turned into spaghetti. If the pair of them are available then you can use Gomes and Sizemore properly. And then you can feel good about running Jackie out there everyday without worrying about whether he's forgotten what a baseball bat looks like--he is a joy to watch. 

But what are you going to do? Hope for a miracle, I suppose.

Nothing to Hit but the Heights.

Granted, Mama Rose probably isn't someone you should emulate in real life but when you need a swift kick in the pants, there's no one better than Ethel Merman. That lucky star is due, baby.

Every Day A Little Death.

Oh, piglets.

When this game started and they loaded the bases before making an out, I said, out loud, Holy Cannoli! and then they scored five runs and I was feeling pretty good. And then I was thinking that having Jackie Bradley Jr. in centerfield was really unfair--I thought, from the way he went after that ball off Escobar's bat that it was gone but then he caught it easy peasy. And then the rest of the game happened. And went on and on and on and on. And then it was over. Sigh.

Stiff Upper Lip.

Well, pigeons, what can one say at a time like this?

Maybe you'll bottom out and then go on a winning streak and all will be forgiven. Maybe you really are this bad, it doesn't seem likely but the evidence seems to point to this conclusion. Maybe something will break in your favor or maybe you'll find a little pile of last season's fairy dust in the corner. Nothing left to do but keep muddling through.

Once a Day Don't You Want to Throw the Towel In?

Welp. That was terrible.

 I don't know maybe they really are just a mediocre team, or at least they will be as long as they continue running Will ou there. (And yes, I know he tied the game today but he's not very good over at third and he's not hitting.) If he had some value, a la Jackie, there might be something to gain from continuing to play him but he just sucks.    Really if anyone besides David decided to show up for this series, that would have been great

And maybe it would be better if I gave Clay the Felix treatment, where you just expect to lose every game he starts, so that if by some miracle, he doesn't suck, well bully for you.

Anyway. You gotta hang on til tomorrow, though the sun might not actually come out tomorrow. Perhaps that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

One. Two. Cha-Cha-Cha.

"Optimist: Someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it's a cha-cha." --Robert Brault

I'm feeling pretty positive right now. Yes, they were butted up against .500 and lost. Again.

But I'll be honest, they lost two fewer games than I thought that they were going to lose this weekend. So yay! for lowered expectations. A win today would have been gravy but you know, you can't win them all and two out of three ain't bad, etc.

Sigh.

This team is a disaster. Not much else to say beyond that, really. Awful. Disappointing. Listless. Sloppy. Unskilled. Lousy. Clumsy. Inattentive. Frustrating. Those are other options but disaster is the most fitting.

Blooper Ballet.

One thing that you can say about Clay is when he lays an egg, it really is a stinker. He's not giving up four or five over six and leaving you thinking that they were one good rally away, or that his defense could have helped him out. Nope. When Clay sucks, Clay sucks loudly and definitively.

One Foot in Front of the Other.

This is how we run. You might be dripping with sweat. Your lungs might be on fire. Your quads might be screaming at you, refusing to go any further. You might be puking on the side of the road. You might feel your sock filling with blood. Your skin might be chafed and raw. You might have pushed yourself so hard that you can longer walk upright. But you keep going.

There's a life lesson in there. Life puts obstacles in your way but you keep going. Lunatics try to break your heart and your spirit but you persevere. Left. Right. Repeat. At first it gets you through an hour, then a day, and then you look up and a year has gone by.

Lastly, I wanted to draw your attention to the Boston Marathon World Run to raise money for the One Fund.

Curtains.

Well, my darlings. That's one way to spoil a party.

I think you'd have to go back to September of '12 to find a time this team was so utterly dominated by an opponent. It was like Milwaukee *Gold star for me--I spelled it right on the first try* came in knowing what game they were going to play and Boston could never catch up. And Daniel Nava's pixie dust might have worn off (or the strike zone was just too bizarre for words). But generally not fun boys.

Side Note: David Hyde Pierce's Boston accent is weirdly shaky. Sometimes it's pretty good, sometimes not so much, and sometimes he sounds like Niles.

Good Morning Baltimore!

March was just a hopping place around here, wasn't it? No matter.

Summary of March: So Grady Sizemore, who seemed like a long shot, is the opening day centerfielder. David was extended. Vic pulled his hammy. And it's snowing.

Now it's opening day (I know that it's still March) and opening day is exciting.

Happy Birthday David Ross!

 (Source: Elsa/Getty Images North America)

Let's all wish a happy 37th birthday to David Ross.

Happy Birthday Rubby!

(Source: Ed Zurga/Getty Images North America)

Wishing a happy twenty-fifth birthday to Rubby De La Rosa.

Beautiful.

 (Elsa/Getty Images North America)

David Ortiz was asked what he sees in Grady Sizemore: “He looks all sexy and good looking. What do you want me to tell you?” #redsox
— Pete Abraham (@PeteAbe) February 27, 2014

Spring Is.

When I was in second grade, I wrote a poem entitled Spring Is. Now you may wonder how I would have such a clear memory of the occurrence, so I'll tell you: my teacher, Mrs. Norman, made a really big deal about it, everybody in the class had to copy it down for handwriting practice and at the end of the year awards assembly, she gave me a poetry award. The first line of my magnum opus was, Spring is nice.

The sentiment holds true today. Spring is nice. If you needed further proof, at one o'clock this afternoon there will be baseball on MLB network. Alright, it's Toronto at Philadelphia (and who really cares) but it's new. They also have Reds at Cleveland at five and Dodgers at Diamondbacks at nine.

Even Your Birthday is Square.

(Source: Jamie Squire/Getty Images North America)

Happy birthday to Daniel Nava and to George Washington but mostly to Daniel Nava.

Happy Birthday Allen!

(Jared Wickerham/Getty Images North America)

Allen Webster looks more like a librarian than a pitcher. But at only 24 today he's been so intriguingly inconsistent it's hard not to expect good things from him. So a happy birthday and many happy returns to him.

On The Road.

Maybe it's all a little bit silly. It is, after all, just a truck. And what? They don't sell sunflower seeds in Florida? You need to haul them all the way down there? But today it's just a truck. Soon enough it'll be pitchers and catchers, then workouts, then spring training games, and when you're finally, finally sick of those: real baseball.

So embrace the silliness, it's a good day.

Happy Birthday Burke!

I don't know much of anything about Burke Badenhop. I know that his name lends itself to a fielding pun. (I can imagine Orsillo salivating over: The ball took a badenhop. Hehehehehe!) And I know that his thirty-first birthday is today. So happy birthday!

Palm Trees.

NESN has announced it's spring training coverage. They're covering 12 games this year: March 2, 8, 9, 10, 15, 16, 19, 20, 22, 23, 25, and 28. Sadly, they seem to have dropped the Saturday morning show with Tom Caron sitting at a desk, chatting away, while players worked out in the background. I really did enjoy watching that.

In other Florida news, Xander Bogaerts seems like a sweet boy, if a bit spoiled. According to Pete Abe, when asked about the 80 degree weather in Fort Myers he described it as a little cool. Hmmph.

DATE PROGRAM TIME Sunday, Feb. 16 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Monday, Feb. 17 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Tuesday, Feb. 18 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Wednesday, Feb. 19 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Thursday, Feb. 20 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Friday, Feb. 21 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Saturday, Feb. 22 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Sunday, Feb. 23 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Monday, Feb. 24 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Tuesday, Feb. 25 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Wednesday, Feb. 26 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM WEEI’s Dennis & Callahan Morning Show in Fort Myers DATE PROGRAM TIME Wednesday, Feb. 19 Dennis & Callahan in Fort Myers 6:00 AM – 9:00 AM Thursday, Feb. 20 Dennis & Callahan in Fort Myers 6:00 AM – 9:00 AM Friday, Feb. 21 Dennis & Callahan in Fort Myers 6:00 AM – 9:00 AM Monday, Feb. 24 Dennis & Callahan in Fort Myers 6:00 AM – 9:00 AM Tuesday, Feb. 25 Dennis & Callahan in Fort Myers 6:00 AM – 9:00 AM Wednesday, Feb. 26 Dennis & Callahan in Fort Myers 6:00 AM – 9:00 AM NESN’s 2014 Red Sox Spring Training Game Telecasts DATE OPPONENT TIME* Sunday, March 2 Baltimore 1:00 PM Saturday, March 8 Baltimore (Sarasota) 1:00 PM Sunday, March 9 Pittsburgh (Bradenton) 1:00 PM Monday, March 10 Tampa Bay 1:00 PM Saturday, March 15 Philadelphia 7:00 PM Sunday, March 16 Tampa Bay (Port Charlotte) 1:00 PM Wednesday, March 19 Pittsburgh 7:00 PM Thursday, March 20 New York Yankees 7:00 PM Saturday, March 22 Atlanta (Orlando) 1:00 PM Sunday, March 23 Tampa Bay 1:00 PM Tuesday, March 25 Tampa Bay (Port Charlotte) 1:00 PM Friday, March 28 Minnesota (Hammond Stadium) 1:00 PM *Select spring training day games will be replayed in their entirety at 7:00 pm as the schedule permits. About NESN NESN has consistently been one of the top-rated regional sports networks in the country with award-winning Red Sox and Bruins coverage. The network is delivered to over 4 million homes throughout the six-state New England region and an additional 5 million homes nationally as NESN National. Forbes Magazine recently ranked NESN as the Eighth Most Valuable Sports Business Brand in the world. NESN.com, the network’s online sports news service, is one of the most visited regional sports network websites in the country. NESN also produces a number of distinctive programs under its umbrella Original NESN Entertainment (ONE). NESN is owned by Fenway Sports Group (owners of the Boston Red Sox) and Delaware North (owners of the Boston Bruins). NESN Team Dale Arnold John Beattie Andy Brickley Tom Caron Mike Cole Zack Cox Jamison Coyle Jenny Dell Ricky Doyle Dennis Eckersley Jack Edwards Jamie Erdahl Anna Fogel Nicholas Goss John Henry Leah Hextall Luke Hughes Doug Kyed Charlie Moore Marcus O’Mard Don Orsillo Adam Pellerin Jerry Remy Jim Rice Jen Slothower Alison Smith Gary Striewski Ben Watanabe Yardbarker FOX Sports Local Arizona Carolinas Detroit Florida Kansas City Midwest North Ohio San Diego South Southwest Tennessee West Wisconsin YES Network

Read more at: http://nesn.com/2014/02/nesn-announces-unprecedented-red-sox-spring-training-coverage/

ed Sox LIVE from Fort Myers Telecasts DATE PROGRAM TIME Sunday, Feb. 16 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Monday, Feb. 17 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Tuesday, Feb. 18 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Wednesday, Feb. 19 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Thursday, Feb. 20 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Friday, Feb. 21 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Saturday, Feb. 22 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Sunday, Feb. 23 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Monday, Feb. 24 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Tuesday, Feb. 25 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Wednesday, Feb. 26 Red Sox LIVE from Fort Myers 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM WEEI’s Dennis & Callahan Morning Show in Fort Myers DATE PROGRAM TIME Wednesday, Feb. 19 Dennis & Callahan in Fort Myers 6:00 AM – 9:00 AM Thursday, Feb. 20 Dennis & Callahan in Fort Myers 6:00 AM – 9:00 AM Friday, Feb. 21 Dennis & Callahan in Fort Myers 6:00 AM – 9:00 AM Monday, Feb. 24 Dennis & Callahan in Fort Myers 6:00 AM – 9:00 AM Tuesday, Feb. 25 Dennis & Callahan in Fort Myers 6:00 AM – 9:00 AM Wednesday, Feb. 26 Dennis & Callahan in Fort Myers 6:00 AM – 9:00 AM NESN’s 2014 Red Sox Spring Training Game Telecasts DATE OPPONENT TIME* Sunday, March 2 Baltimore 1:00 PM Saturday, March 8 Baltimore (Sarasota) 1:00 PM Sunday, March 9 Pittsburgh (Bradenton) 1:00 PM Monday, March 10 Tampa Bay 1:00 PM Saturday, March 15 Philadelphia 7:00 PM Sunday, March 16 Tampa Bay (Port Charlotte) 1:00 PM Wednesday, March 19 Pittsburgh 7:00 PM Thursday, March 20 New York Yankees 7:00 PM Saturday, March 22 Atlanta (Orlando) 1:00 PM Sunday, March 23 Tampa Bay 1:00 PM Tuesday, March 25 Tampa Bay (Port Charlotte) 1:00 PM Friday, March 28 Minnesota (Hammond Stadium) 1:00 PM

Read more at: http://nesn.com/2014/02/nesn-announces-unprecedented-red-sox-spring-training-coverage/

Happy Birthday Fred!

 (Christian Petersen/Getty Images North America)

An old favorite, let's take a moment to wish a happy 62nd birthday to Freddy Lynn. Many happy returns.

Catch A Falling Star.

On l'affaire Middlebrooks.

Lately we have learned that not only does Will Middlebrooks have the attention span of a rabbit but he also has all the intelligence of an amoeba. A month ago, Will outed his relationship with Ms. Dell and, as a not unpredictable result, got his girlfriend demoted.

When you get that much stupid in a relationship, especially when one of the participants has a voice that would work effectively on parmesan, you can't help but marvel at the fact that they aren't regularly murdered.

I'm not sad that she's gone. I dislike the slut-shaming aspect of the whole mess but I very much doubt that there's anyone who would consider her to be a journalist. Even the most ardent Hazel/Heidi/Jenny supporter couldn't say with a straight face that her job was anything more than being a pair of breasts in a tight shirt and occasionally trying to read a promo so that they would have a reason to show said breasts on television.

More than my dislike of the double standard, I hate that her job exists. I hate that we encourage women to define themselves and their worth as human beings by the amount of fat that grows on their chest. And I hate that no one ever taught Jenny/Heidi/Hazel that they had no value beyond their bra size. Almost as importantly, I hate that the job is called sideline reporter, baseball doesn't have sidelines.

Hey, NESN, why not get rid of the job entirely? It adds nothing to the broadcast. And Don could do a much better job of reading the promos.

Ho Yeah!

Yesterday it was announced that Boston had signed Rich Hill to a minor league deal. Not a particularly noteworthy event but his mother is called Peggy and that makes me smile. And for that reason I hope he hangs around.

All You Really Need.

Earlier today Pete Abraham linked to a speech given by former best beloved Craig Breslow at the NY Baseball Writer's Association dinner over the weekend. The speech was an introduction for Detective Kevin McGill of the Boston Police Department, who represented the city of Boston by accepting the You Gotta Have Heart award. It's a well done speech.

Tempest in A Coffee Cup.

According to Bradford, the Red Sox have signed Grady Sizemore to a one year deal. If he should make it out of spring training in one piece and be what he once was, it could be a really good deal. Big if, of course. He last played in the majors in 2011 and it's been even longer since he was healthy. Maybe it works out, though.

The Act You've Known For All These Years.

 (Source: Ronald Martinez/Getty Images North America)

It was eleven years ago today that David Ortiz signed on with the Red Sox. He's been going in and out of style but he's guaranteed to raise a smile.

Responsible Citizen.

David Ortiz has leant his name to a campaign (link in Spanish) intended to inform residents of the Dominican Republic of the proper way to obtain residential and travel visas to the United States and how to avoid false documents.

Says Ortiz: "We often believe it's the only way we can go (fraud) and we follow but in reality we must familiarize ourselves, inform ourselves, and some stranger says they can get you papers and they can get you into the US without problems, you have to reject the proposal because it doesn't work that way." (Translation mine.)

Having been raised in a very bourgeois household, I can't say that I relate but I feel like I can empathize with the desire to do something better, even at a very great cost. I say good for him.

Old Sock.

Gabe Kapler has a lifestyle and fitness blog. For a man who not that long ago proclaimed to be greatly embarrassed by the shirtless photos of his youth, he posts a lot of shirtless photos. But they certainly are pretty. And the pup is lovely.

Meanwhile, I had chocolate chip cookies for supper--they were delicious. 

When Did He Grow to Be so Tall?

(Source: Jared Wickerham/Getty Images North America)

Since we're hurting for content over here, we'll start these up again and wish a happy 30th birthday to Jon Lester. I must admit I'm a little shocked that Lester is thirty years old, I triple checked my math. Where did the time go?