Who Would You Rather Have as a Representative?

Kind, humble, generous Tim Wakefield in his spiffy suit along with his cutie-pie daughter?

or

This?

One of These Things is Not Like the Others.

Jonathan Papelbon looks right at home with an over-enthusiastic guy in a pirate suit and two girls in short skirts, fishnets, and tight satiny shirts. Dear, sweet, humble, good Tim Wakefield? Not so much.

A Taste of Fame.

Pawtucket catcher Mark Wagner made his national television debut (probably) this morning on Good Morning America. One of the ABC correspondents had been tapped to deliver the ceremonial first pitch for a PawSox game and looking to not make an ass of himself, turned to Wags for advice. Says Wagner:

"Act like you really want to do it. And you're like: I want to do this 100% and I'm going to throw the best I've ever had."

Terrible grammar but video here.

Mike Scioscia Lite.

I have long suspected that Joe Maddon was a jackass. It started with those stupid glasses that he wears which shrilly exclaim a desire to be hip. It extended to his need to prove how brilliant he is and how creative and wonderful he is with his slogans. He'd probably think that "think outside the boxscore" was genius. And then there's the whole inciting a riot thing.

And he has ultimately proven his jackassery today. Dustin Pedroia has dropped out of the game to be with his wife. (Absolutely the right decision.) So who did Maddon choose as his replacement? Ian Kinsler who was second in fan voting? Nope. Some other deserving second baseman? Nope. Really? Nope. Justin Morneau (who probably belonged to be there more than Youkilis or Teixeira) then? Nope. Miguel Cabrera? Nope. Chone Figgins? Nope. Well who then? Which other qualified, deserving player did he select to fill that spot? He picked his very own first baseman Carlos Pena *tilde implied*.

Look, I like Haverhill. I do. He seems like a nice guy. But Carlos Pena *tilde implied* is not an All-Star and does not belong at the All-Star game.

Stymied.

I don't really know what to say about that game but it certainly seems like it deserves to have something said about it. It wasn't pretty--not the game and not the way I ended up watching it. Sat on the floor, sat on the couch. Turned the sound off, turned the sound back on again. Stomped around, grumbled a bit. Messed around on the computer, launched things at the television set.

Do you complain about the bullpen (specifically Justin Masterson and Manny DelCarmen) having a couple of bad nights seemingly in a row? Do you point out that when the bullpen is doing well, they're all do welling and when they suck, they all suck? Do you ignore that and say that John Smoltz looked pretty good? After having wailed about the lack of offense not all that long ago, do you comment on the fact that they were able to hit tonight? And do you cross your fingers that they'll be able to do it again tomorrow? (The hitting that is; I wouldn't want to see that kind of pitching again for awhile.) Do you congratulate JD Drew on that fan-freakin-tastic play? Do you write that Daniel Bard was good and Takashi Saito got the job done? Do you congratulate John Smoltz on his first AL win and Aaron Bates on his first major league hit?

Or do you not bother with any of it because they won and no matter how terrible, awful, no good, and very bad it was, in the end, that's all that really matters?

It's Dangerous Out There in L'il Rhody.

I should preface this with: I know nothing about cars or car theft. Forgive me if I mistype.

Clay Buchholz woke up this morning to find parts of his car missing; the wheels/rims (the newsgal uses the terms interchangeably; I don't know if they're the same thing) were removed from his car in the wee hours. Luckily for him, the thieves were spotted by a neighbor and the car parts returned.

Perhaps because everything turned out alright in the end or maybe because he's been on the other side of the act of thievery (c'mon it's a natural place to go with this story) he seems mostly okay with it.

He does need a haircut, though.

Dr. Cosby is Sending a Message.

When I was a kid my dad had these old Bill Cosby records that he would play for us. (This was one of my favorite routines and lead to many attempts on my part to do the same.) I can't imagine what struck these two as so funny but it's a great picture.