Acey Duecy.

I haven't attempted to play poker in a very long time. I can play Setback. I can play Spit. I used to be able to play Gin Rummy. I can play War. I am really good at Uno, not as good at Crazy Eights. I got a little bit competitive at Hearts once--stacked the deck. People were upset; it wasn't pretty.

My Dad tried to teach me poker once or twice, five-card draw, seven-card stud (I think these are games), and after I got the hang of it declared myself to be a card sharp. The old man thought this was particularly funny and insisted that the term was card shark. And so the poker lesson dissolved into an etymological lesson and started the hunt for the actual term (we were both right but I was more right) and where it could possibly have come from.

If you do play the game though, on June 8 there will be a poker party in Faneuil Hall (and subsequent golf tournament) to benefit Pitching in for Kids; which raises grant money for children's charities. The event will be hosted by Tim Wakefield and Jason Varitek.

Up on Smoltz.

So John Smoltz pitched last night in Manchester, New Hampshire and I didn't go because 1: I thought the game was in Portland, Maine and 2: I assumed that his start on Sunday would also be with Portland and would be down in Norwich, CT. A Sunday afternoon game in Conn sounded much more doable than a scramble to Portland after work on a Tuesday. But as it turns out, his Sunday start will be down in North Carolina and as much as I'd like to see John Smoltz pitch in a minor league stadium, I don't think it's likely that I'll be flying down there. I suppose Pawtucket is an option but I'm not a big fan of McCoy--it's sort of like an operating theater. It's not a big deal, I guess.

Anyway, meat of the post:

Smoltz was pleased with the way things went overall. The slider was disappointing but his splitter and change up were satisfactory. Smoltzie claims that he was still just practicing and not really playing the game. There's still a little more rust to shake off but once he gets into the competitive spirit of the game, things will be sharper.

There are naysayers, however. A couple of nameless scouts felt that he might not be in any shape to make a difference come June. Said one:

"He's not the John Smoltz we all know and love, that's for sure. That fluid arm action he had, it's kind of restricted. He's kind of pushing the ball. You could see the shoulder is not 100 percent.

His velocity was 87 to 90 mph. He still throws five decent pitches. But he's probably a fourth starter at this point unless his arm speed and fluidness comes back and his velocity takes a jump."

We shall see.

I also thought this picture of Mark Wagner, not entirely certain if he's allowed to smack Smoltz's ass, all kinds of adorable.

Inspiration.

I probably refer to musicals too often but whatever. Some serious sacking up is in order boyos. They're the freakin' Mets.

Happy Thoughts.

Seriously? That was crap. You might argue that the offense should have been able to come up with something more than two runs; that would've been fabulous. Or you might point out that while I was watching him get ready to pitch I was suddenly reminded of the migraine issue. But I don't care. While I'm generally for spreading the blame around, I'm perfectly happy to put this one squarely in Papelbon's lap. Dude doesn't suck, but that did. Rather than stress about it though, I present someone's photo of a kitten (who pitched very well) and a puppy. Also, I don't know that I've ever been so mad at Alex Cora. Screw you, Alex Cora. I inexplicably liked you.

Baby Makes Three.

Mrs. Kelli Pedroia was just on the NESN broadcast promoting not getting skin cancer and, surprisingly, she appeared to be six or seven monthes pregnant. Congratulations to the both of them. (I hope, of course, that she didn't just start in on her Memorial Day picnic early. Given the unhealthy skin-and-bones look she was sporting before, it seems unlikely.)

Meet the Mets.

(For the longest time I really thought the second line of the song was "Beat the Mets." which didn't make any sense but what are you gonna do? They're bridge and tunnel folk, they're not the most intelligent creatures to roam the planet.)


It was a good day when Johan Santana left the Twins for the National League. Sadly, the lefty returns to the Fens tonight. His command is impeccable; the man is a strike out machine and rarely gives out walks. He does seem to have contracted a case of Tim Wakefield syndrome this year--his offense has decided that because it's Santana pitching, they don't have to score many runs and so they don't. Jason Varitek has had the most success against Santana (8 for 18, with 1 home run, 1 walk, and six strike outs). Jason Bay and Dustin Pedroia are both 2 for 5 with a double (Bay also has a home run and a walk). No one else has seemed to be able to do much of anything with him. It would be an ideal night for Matsuzaka to be unhittable and not have a similar meltdown to the one he had last year when he came off the disabled list agaisnt St. Louis.


Mike Pelfrey is scheduled to start on Saturday. Pelfrey is a big, young righty who was once called a right-handed Randy Johnson. He is hittable, though. He pitches to contact and gets a good number of groundball outs. He has had command issues, with more walks (17) than strike outs (11) this season. Only Mark Kotsay has faced Pelfrey and he's gone 0 for 6, with a walk.


Sunday's starter is likely to be Tim Redding. Redding has bounced around a little bit, he started with Houston in 2001 and had a decent year in 2003. He was traded to the Padres in 2005 only to be sidelined for a month and a half with shoulder problems; was traded to the Yankees and made one dismal start for them (4 walks, 4 hits, 6 earned runs, 2 strike outs, 11 batters faced in one inning) against the Red Sox. He spent 2006 as a White Sox minor-leaguer; started 2007 in AAA for the Nationals and was a decent pitcher after a July call-up, until an elbow problem knocked him out in September. He played all of 2008 for the Nationals and while not particularly good at least he didn't break something. The Nationals, however, declined to offer him a contract at the end of last year and he latched on with the Mets. Unfortunately, the shoulder proved to be a problem for him again and he only made his first start of the season last week. He was decent in his start but walks were problematic. Historically, lefties have handled him well.

Offensively, the Mets aren't a huge power team (their home run leader is Carlos Beltran with six.) They hit well though, especially doubles and triples. They'll talk a walk and don't strike out too much (David Wright, on the other hand, has 41 strike outs so far this season.) Their best players are Wright, Beltran, and Carlos Delgado (Delgado is currently on the DL.) Another potential problem for the Mets is the loss of Jose Reyes to a leg injury; he's not on the DL but isn't likely to play in Boston. Also, Alex Cora won't be playing in Boston as he has injured his thumb. They will run but they don't seem to be very good at it, they lead the National League in both stolen bases and caught stealings.

Papi!

Hot damn! I don't know which is more exciting the home run that David Ortiz just hit or the new shoes that I bought today.

No Words Are Necessary.

Silly Double Xs.

Normally I ignore things like this; a list of the ten hottest baseball players as compiled by the good folks at Fox Sports. The commentators (no one should ever bother with the people who comment on Fox Sports stories but that's another story) accuse the author, Jenna Winterburg, of being a man but I think she's more lacking in imagination. Her choices are uninspired and so I present my list of the hottest baseball players by AL team:

Boston: Mike Lowell hands down and if you really want someone else Jacoby Ellsbury.
New York Yankees: They're a dark soulless lot but I suppose I could give you Robinson Cano.
Baltimore: Nick Markakis and if you're into boyishness, Brian Roberts.
Toronto: Alex Rios is probably your best bet.
Tampa: Haverhill isn't bad. If you can stomach the smugness, Evan Longoria. And, of course, the most beautiful man to step between the lines in the past fifteen (arbitrary year selection) years Gabe Kapler.

Kansas City: David DeJesus, Coco Crisp.
Detroit: Curtis Granderson, Magglio Ordonez (for the curls).
Minnesota: Joe Mauer. Also, Michael Cuddyer isn't awful--though it might have more to do with the goofy-dorkiness of the magic.
Chicago: Bartolo. Jermaine Dye and Carlos Quentin.
Cleveland: Cliff Lee.

LA Angels: Torii Hunter.
Oakland: Jack Hannahan, maybe Bobby Crosby.
Texas: David Murphy might be an alright choice.
Seattle: Felix Hernandez.

So there you have it. I don't know the National League well enough to make informed choices but there are some lookers on the Mets.

A Stroke of Genius.

Sometimes, it's like there's a very clever person living inside my brain. Sadly, she only pipes up occasionally but when she does it's generally with something fabulous. Or I might just be ripping off a sign I saw at the game. The more I think about it, the more likely that seems.

But on the off chance that this is an original thought, how awesome would it be if you could get 37,000 people to whistle the chorus of Bobby McFerrin's "Don't Worry, Be Happy" during David Ortiz's next at bat? The key, of course, would be to replace "happy" with "Papi" like so: *Whistles* Don't Worry. *Whistles* Be Papi. *Whistles* Don't worry, be Papi now. Repeat ad nasuem.

It might not be very helpful but it would be very awesome. Plus, it might freak out the baby pitcher and that might be the only way to get to him.

Will No One Rid Me of These Meddlesome Jays?

I will take this opportunity to pat myself on the back and point out that I called the Jays being in a good place this season. Did I think that they would be this good? Well, no. But I figured that with the way Cito Gaston kept them in it until the last series with the Red Sox last season, they'd only be better with a full year with him at the helm. Plus, they've got Millar.

You look at the rotation for this series and think: Woot! No Roy Halladay! It's true, but it's not necessarily all good. The Jays pitching is looking good this season and it's not just the starters, the bullpen is in good shape as well.

Brian Tallet pitches tomorrow. The big lefty is better known as a reliever but he's made six starts this season, five of which have been decent. He throws a low-nineties fast ball, a slider, and a change up. Walks have been a problem for Tallet (he walked five in his last outing against the Yankees) but he does well after he puts people on. In limited exposure, Dustin Pedroia and Julio Lugo have both had success against him (they're both two for three). David Ortiz is two for five but his two hits were a double and a home run; he also drew two walks. Jason Varitek is two for six with a home run and two walks. JD Drew (3 AB), Mike Lowell (2 AB), Rocco Baldelli (2 AB), and Jacoby Ellsbury (2 AB) have never gotten a hit off Tallet. JD does have a walk, though.

Brett Cecil is Toronto's new prize pig. Granted that the teams the baby lefty has faced haven't been all that impressive (Cleveland, Oakland, and Chicago), he has impressed in his three major league starts. He throws a low-nineties fastball, a slider, a curveball, and a change up. More often than not, the first pitch he throws will be a strike. He gets a lot of ground ball outs but also has really pretty strike out numbers (15 so far, 6 against Cleveland, 6 against Oakland, and 3 against Chicago). He also doesn't walk anyone. He has hit three batters but they were all in his first start against Cleveland. He is absolutely dominating against lefties.

Robert Ray is scheduled to pitch the last game of the series. Ray is another baby pitcher but this time he's a righty. Ray throws a high-eighties fastball, a slider, a cutter, a curve ball, and a change up. He does throw strikes and doesn't give up too many walks (with the exception of his first start against Baltimore). He doesn't have huge strike out numbers. He also gives up a displeasing number of flyballs, which might not play well in tiny Fenway Park.

Offensively, they're swinging for the fences and succeeding; they lead the league in hits and doubles, and are third in home runs. They won't strike out a lot and they will take a walk. They don't run a lot.

Graduation Season.

A couple of honorary degrees were passed out to the Sox glitterati this past weekend.

Bryant University in Rhode Island saw fit to honor Red Sox CEO/President Larry Lucchino with a doctorate of humane letters.

Also getting an honorary degree this past weekend was Johnny Pesky. Pesky received a doctorate of humane letters from Salem State College in Salem, MA. Pesky was very thankful for the honor, saying:

"I am very flattered by this. I don't know why they wanted to do it, but I am very flattered."

Awww.

The Tragedy of MacBaldy.

A loving tribute to MacBeth.

(Notes: Anything that happens to be an iamb is pure coincidence. I don't do rhymes. I like stage directions, so I put them in. I strongly suspect that once I hit publish, the spacing will completely disappear, but know that I did it properly. And I know that Duncan was the King--Duncan Pedroia was too hard to pass up.)


Scene I: Training Room, Fenway Park.

Jed Lowrie, Julio Lugo, and Nick Green are gathered around the hot tub.

Enter Rocco MacBaldy.

MACBALDY: Uh, guys? You do know that you're not supposed
to be in here without a trainer, right?

LOWRIE: Tis MacBaldy.

LUGO: He who would be DH.

[NICK GREEN giggles]

MACBALDY: Whatever, dudes. There's a sign on the door.

LOWRIE: Should we not tell him?

LUGO: To what end, Lowrie?

[NICK GREEN giggles]

MACBALDY: Look guys, I could get Paul Lessard down here.

LOWRIE: Would you know your future?

LUGO: Stop it, Lowrie.

[NICK GREEN giggles]

MACBALDY: My future?

LOWRIE: Indeed.

MACBALDY: According to whom?

NICK GREEN: Nomar! [Claps enthusiastically and commences giggling.]

MACBALDY: Nomar?

LOWRIE: Nomar.

LUGO: Nomar.

NICK GREEN: Nomar! [Continues giggling.]

MACBALDY: So...Did you call him or did he call you?

LOWRIE: Oh, MacBaldy. Haven't you any faith?

MACBALDY: Alright. Fine. How did you hear from Nomar?

LOWRIE: As Boston short stops, Nomar is our God.

LUGO: We turn to him when things are bad.

NICK GREEN: Magic! [Gestures emphatically at the hot tub.]

MACBALDY: You're telling me that you conjured up No-
mar Garciaparra in the hot tub.

LOWRIE: Indeed.

MACBALDY: And that he told you my future.

NICK GREEN: He says that you're going to be DH!

MACBALDY: Got it. Listen guys, this has been a blast.
But I've got to get to BP. You should
probably think about getting out, too.
[Exeunt]


Scene II: Batting Practice.

Enter Rocco MacBaldy and the Jacobite Ellsbury.

MACBALDY: So the strangest thing just happened to me.

ELLSBURY: Did you put on someone else's pants? That
happens to me sometimes.

MACBALDY: No. I--Wait! What?

[Ellsbury shrugs.]

MACBALDY: You know Jed well, right?

ELLSBURY: Sure. As well as anyone.
We played together as children.

MACBALDY: Does he seem a little bit strange sometimes?

ELLSBURY: Why? What did he do?

MACBALDY: He told my future.

ELLSBURY: Really? What did he say?

MACBALDY: You believe him?

ELLSBURY: Of course. I've never known him to be wrong.

MACBALDY: Yeah, well. This wasn't a Jed prediction.
This came from Nomar Garciaparra.

ELLSBURY: Yeah, that's how Jed works-he's a conduit.

MACBALDY: Okay.

ELLSBURY: So, can I ask what he told you?

MACBALDY: He said that I would one day be DH.

ELLSBURY: Interesting. Do you want to DH?

MACBALDY: Well, I really prefer to play center
but I would like to play everyday.

ELLSBURY: Then this must be your opportunity.

MACBALDY: What?

ELLSBURY: Take it.

MACBALDY: How?

ELLSBURY: Make yourself the DH.
David doesn't hit well when he is un-
happy. If he doesn't hit well, then they
won't keep running him out there as DH.
Find him. Make him unhappy and you will
get yourself some regular playing time.

MACBALDY: That just seems so-

ELLSBURY: Here he comes now. Do it.

[Exeunt]

Scene III: Home clubhouse, Fenway Park.

Enter Rocco MacBaldy and Dunstan Pedroia.

MACBALDY: Thank you for helping me, Dunstan.

PEDROIA: No prob.

MACBALDY: The Jacobite Ellsbury thinks that I
should upset David so I can play more.

PEDROIA: Cool beans. How are we going to do that?

MACBALDY: He's a kind-hearted soul. I thought that if
he heard us talking about all the bad
things in the world, then he might be too up-
set to concentrate on swinging the bat.

PEDROIA: Like the lack of jet packs.

MACBALDY: No. Real problems.
Starving children. Sick kids. Shh. Here he comes.

Enter David MacOrtiz.

PEDROIA: Sup, David?

MACORTIZ: Not much. Sup with both you guys?

MACBALDY: Nothing really. We were talking about
sick kids in Africa

PEDROIA: and starving ones.

MACORTIZ: Yeah, man. There are a lot of people out
there who need your help. Everywhere there
are people who need your help but you can't
give them the help they need. It's real sad man.

MACBALDY: Know what else is sad? Steroids ruining
the game of baseball for all the young kids.

MACORTIZ: That's sad too, man. All these kids they look up
to you and now who will they look up to?

PEDROIA: And there are no jet packs.

MACORTIZ: Whatever, guys.
I got to get ready for tonight's game.

[Exeunt]

Scene IV: Dug out, Fenway park.

[Off stage] MACORTIZ: With all the sick kids in the world

UMPIRE MCLELLAND: Strike three!

Enter MacOrtiz.

MCTITOISH: Are you alright, David?

MACORTIZ: Not really, man.

MCTITOISH: Do you want to sit?

MACORTIZ: I think so. Yeah. Send
in MacBaldy or somebody. I ain't
got nothing at all going on today.

MCTITOISH: Don't worry. It'll come around. You'll see.
MacBaldy! You're in next time around.

[Exeunt]

Scene V: Batter's box, Fenway park.

Umpire McClelland stands behind the plate.

Enter Rocco MacBaldy.

MACBALDY: Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle.
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That stuts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, fullof sound and fury.
Signifying nothing.

UMPIRE MCLELLAND: Strike three! You're out!

MACBALDY: Huh? What about strikes one and two? Damn it.

[Exeunt]

The Gruff Boys.

It would be easy enough to lay the blame for today's loss on Nick Green. He was, I suppose, directly responsible for the winning run; an accurate throw probably gets the runner and we move on to the tenth inning.

The fault, however, lies with the offense. It is not a good thing when you load the bases with no outs and can't get home a single run. It is, in fact, a Mariner-like offense and that is not a good thing either (but kudos to Happy for getting out of the same exact situation in the next half inning.) Still, if this chameleon-esque trend continues we may be in luck when the happy hitting Blue Jays come into town.

Also, Rocco Baldelli better get his act together soon or I may be forced to start rooting for him. I can't imagine that, given my habit of really pulling for guys who are struggling, my support would be a desired thing.

Programming Alert.

There's this gal who hosts a slew of programs on the Travel Channel called Samantha Brown. Brown, a New Hampshire-ite, is bubbly, humorous, and bordering on adorable. She also has a seemingly fabulous job. She gets to go to all sorts of exotic places, stay in fabulous hotels, and eat in expensive restaurants. Last September, she hosted a program called Samantha Brown's Great Weekends: Atlanta. As part of the show she got a pitching lesson from John Smoltz.

Says Brown of the John Smoltz experience:

"Its a little nerve racking when we do things like this -- meeting big time sports celebrities while having to learn to pitch which is considered one of the most difficult actions in all of sports -- or is that hitting a baseball? Yeah, I think I have that wrong. Hitting a baseball is more difficult than pitching ... tell that to my right arm.

John Smoltz turns out to be a gentle giant and because of the camps he runs himself for kids he's able to teach me pretty quickly."

The program re-airs this morning at 9:00 am.

Vapor Lock.

It's funny how things change. A week or two ago you'd be crazy if you counted this team out before the final out was recorded but there was a finality to Jon Lester giving up those runs. The game was over, there was no come-from-behind magic to be had on the road.

It started out well enough (four runs in two innings, a single, a double, and a triple for Ellsbury) but then it just kind of stalled. I don't know what happened. Complacency? The opposing pitcher (I'm not going to attempt to spell his name and I don't feel like looking it up) suddenly figured out how to not suck? Bad luck?

I'm digging the commentary of Dave Roberts but despite what he said, Lester again didn't look good and, quite honestly, he was lucky he was playing Seattle this time. He looked so defeated in the dugout afterward that my immediate thought was "I hope his dad is ok." (Which I probably shouldn't type for fear of rumor mongering but there you have it.)

Still, until the beginning of October there's always tomorrow (or, you know, twenty and a quarter hours from now.) And with Josh Beckett on the mound we turn to the Muppets' rendition of the Hawaiian war chant for extra inspiration:

Go West Young Man!

I thought that a change of title might improve the chances of a better performance on the West coast. They might need all the help they can get.

When most of the Angels starting pitching staff went down, it seemed like they might be in for a rough year--saved only by the fact that they play in the AL West and they wouldn't be facing too much competition. Then they lost Vlad Guerrero to a strained pectoral muscle and it would appear that they're offense would suffer. But somehow they've hung in there and have gotten themselves about .500.

Pitching tomorrow for the Angels is Jered Weaver. On April 10, Weaver threw 6.2 innings against the Red Sox. He struck out eight, walked two, and gave up four hits. He allowed only one unearned run. Overall, walks had been a problem for him in the past but he seems to have gotten it mostly under control. Lefties continue to have an easier time against him. He does seem to be giving up more home runs this year.

Matt Palmer is likely to make the start on Wednesday. Palmer made three starts not-so-great starts for the Giants last year before singing a minor league deal with the Angels this past winter. He was called up at the end of April and has done a decent job for them so far. He's made three starts against Detroit, the Yankees, and KC and won all of them. He throws a high eighties fastball, a curveball, slider, and a changeup.

Joe Saunders will pitch the last game of the series. On April 11, Saunders threw seven innings against Boston. He allowed four runs, seven hits (including two home runs-one to Mike Lowell and one to Jason Bay) and walked three.

Kendry Morales, Torii Hunter, and Mike Napoli have become most of their offense. Chone Figgins and Bobby Abreu lead the club with twelve stolen bases each. It's not too difficult to run on either Mike Napoli or Jeff Mathis.

The Sex Injury.

I suppose that most things are possible but it seems unlikely.

Dustin Pedroia was pulled from yesterday's game after re-aggravating a strain in his left groin. As amusing as it might be a groin strain doesn't refer to the reproductive system but rather to a bundle of six adductor muscles in the inner thigh. The muscles are: the pectineus (light blue), the adductor brevis (yellow), the adductor longus (green), the adductor magnus (purple), the gracilis (red), and the obturator externus (dark blue). The main function of the muscle group is to move the leg inward; they also function to help rotate the hip.

A muscle strain can be as minor as just stretching a muscle too far to tearing the muscle fibers to tearing the muscle completely. The only way to treat the injured muscle is rest and then work specifically to strengthen the muscles. If Pedroia plans to return in the next few days, chances are that he didn't tear the muscle.

Better Than His Brother Joe.

I may have mentioned before that my Dad was a huge Dom Dimaggio fan. There was a time in the 1980s when I believed that Dimaggio still played for the Red Sox. Throughout my childhood there were three players my Dad talked about with any consistency: Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs, and Dom Dimaggio. Those were his guys. How was I supposed to know that one of them hadn't played in thirty years? (My Dad still thinks that it's very funny that I thought Dimaggio was playing well into his sixties. We can't all be comedians.)

I suspect that my Dad's love was originally based on the glasses. And, in turn, I suspect that my love of centerfielders was inspired by my Dad's love of Dimaggio.

Says his son of his father's passing:

DiMaggio died at about 1 a.m. with the Red Sox television replay of Thursday night's game on in the background, said his son, Dominic Paul.

"He was in and out of consciousness, but he was acknowledging it. He was a Red Sox fan until the end," his son said.

Godspeed Dom.

This Both Sucks and Blows.

The lag time between the time stamp on this post and when it's actually published is going to be impressive. I've been sitting here, writing and deleting, writing and deleting, trying to come up with something appropriate to say about Jerry Remy's bout with cancer.

My inner Pollyanna reads the press release and says one thing but my more practical side says "Yeah, but lung cancer." What's more, he doesn't need someone like me--with no actual information--spreading rumors about his prognosis.

Even though the man is entitled to his privacy, he feels like family (or at the very least a close friend) and so, even if it's just in this little space, I'll treat him as such and wish him the best of luck in beating this. A baseball world without Jerry wouldn't be nearly as entertaining.

Rally time, Jerry.

More Pedroia.

ESPN aired a little piece on Dustin Pedroia last night. I don't imagine that many people watched it because there was a game on. There's not really anything new in the interview but since it's they put it up...

Cold Front from Canada.

Jason Bay was incredibly hot against the Yankees. But he might prefer to not be. Says Bay of the rainy, raw weather in New York over the past couple of days:

“I’d much rather have weather like that than that 95 degrees and humidity, which I know sounds strange. This is like a spring-summer day back where I come from.”

Hee!

Also, I'm fairly certain that he lives outside of Seattle in the off-season which would explain the love of rain.

Keep Muddling Through.

David Ortiz knows what's up. He knows that right now he's not having very much success at the plate. He also knows how to deal with it:

“You know what you’ve got to do when bad days show up? Smile at it. Show your teeth. Just laugh at it, and keep fighting. Don’t worry, good things are going to happen.”

I hope so. I really do. It's hard to let go of the belief that he's just about to let one fly.

Suiting Up.

I've mentioned before that I hate Yankee games but tonight's just keeps getting better. There will not be a parade of people going through NESN's broadcast booth chatting with Don Orsillo. Tonight playing the part of Jerry Remy will be Mr. Dennis Eckersley. I may have to hope that it doesn't get rained out.

Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows.

Well, that just sort of generally sucked. At least Penny wasn't so bad. Penny seems to be a creature of habit. He's got himself a nice little pattern going: 6 innings, 3 runs; 3 innings, 8 runs; 6 innings, 3 runs; 2.2 innings, 7 runs; and 6 innings, 3 runs. Unfortunately, his next start (against Tampa) will probably end up being 2.1 innings, 6 runs.

If there's anyone out there who could right the ship, anyone would can bring the necessary mojo to beat the Yankees and bring the team back to Fenway with a winning road trip, that person would be Dave Roberts. And just in time, Mr. Roberts--a man who has had fabulous timing in the past--will be making his NESN debut tomorrow. 5:30, in front of your t.v. Be there. I will.

And I Laughed.

It's not funny. Or, at least, it shouldn't be funny. Like the Lugos and the Javier Lopezs of the team, I find myself trying to stick up for Brad Penny. I don't like when guys get picked on, especially when most of the time it isn't entirely their fault that the team lost. But when Tom Caron Freudian-slipped that Bad Penny would be pitching tomorrow, I got a case of the giggles.

And what I really wanted to write here was that Penny had gotten the best of the Rays hitters that he had faced. But, sadly, that isn't the case. Pat Burrell has seen him the most and has ten hits in forty-two at bats (three home runs and a double) with three walks. He did strike out twelve times, though. Kapler has three hits in seven at bats but two of them were home runs. You could make excuses and say that those at bats would have come last year when Penny was hurt and Kap was red hot, if you wanted to. Haverhill and Crawford are both one for three. And Gabe Gross is one for two with a walk.

After having been called out by Tom Caron hopefully, tomorrow's game goes well for Penny.

The Buck Martinez Experiment.

Look, NESN. I know it's not your fault; you didn't give him pneumonia. I hate to hear that Jerry Remy will not be doing tonight's or Saturday night's broadcast and I imagine that you do too. And while I realize that he is damn close to irreplaceable and consequently anyone you bring in will pale in comparison, let's try just a little bit harder to find a replacement than you did last night, shall we? Buck Martinez is not the answer. He never will be the answer. He talks too much and thinks that his audience is filled with imbeciles. Thanks for your time.