Summer Reading List.

I acknowledge that I give the Boston sports media a lot of crap but there's something to be said for the ability to capture a moment and preserve it forever; not with a photograph but with words. To have your description of an event be the one that everyone knows, must be an intoxicating thing.

The most famous example around here would be John Updike's "Hub Fans Bid Kid Adieu". It's a classic. Everyone knows Updike's "lyric little bandbox of a ballpark" and the head-down trot around the bases.

When Updike died last winter he was working on a fiftieth-anniversary edition of the essay. The original text is easy enough to find online but the new printing (which comes out tomorrow) also includes two other pieces about Williams written by Updike.

The British are Coming.

If you can find one sportswriter who doesn't set your teeth on edge, then you must embrace him and hope that he never, ever, ever retires. For me, it's Gordo; I'm an all Edes, all the time kind of girl. ESPN Boston is a godsend and has really removed any reason read the Globe or *shudder* the Herald. And with the recent deletion of Peter Abraham from my Twitter list (I enjoyed the snark during spring training but it quickly grew old) I find that, in addition to the world being a happier, more peaceful place, I haven't stopped by Boston.com in ages.

Reading the Globe's sports section is a chore; it's filled with self-important, combative goons and those are just the people who are paid to write for the site. If one chose to read the comment sections, then the idiocy would increase exponentially.

My point? I've got one in here somewhere. There has been talk about bringing a soccer game between two Scottish clubs, the Rangers and the Celtic (you can just imagine my confusion), to Fenway in July. Apparently, there was an opinion piece in the Globe yesterday that the game would be better played out in Foxboro because you wouldn't want to release mad Scotsmen into the streets of Boston. According to the piece, the Scots are so bad that they'd make Philly fans look tame. Scottish television then got wind of the piece and issued a rebuttal (which is how, with my boycott of the Globe, I backdoored into the story).

It would seem that the Globe's ability to piss people off is international, as the original article has drawn angry commentators from, presumably, Scotland. The interesting thing about the comments is that they generally aren't of the "We aren't that bad" or "Nobody actually booed Santa Claus" variety; they mostly seem to be "They're just as bad as we are."

I know that the troika is in the business of making money and that finding other uses for Fenway is an easy way to do that; concerts, and the like, bring in plenty of cabbage. But, personally, I'd keep soccer out of Fenway--especially, during the season. As it is, keeping the infield playable isn't an easy task; throwing a soccer field on it for a couple of days, doesn't seem like it would help the cause. Also, given the Scottish propensity for destruction (which they don't deny), I don't know that I'd trust them with Fenway. The old girl is a bit rickety and you wouldn't want to have do slapdash repairs because they tore out a few seats or burned the place down.

McDonald for the Win.

I've been saying all day that Wake would lead the way. It didn't exactly work out that way but at the moment that pretty little W is all that matters.

Next Up: the Texas Rangers.

I can't imagine that anyone in the baseball world thinks that the Red Sox are any sort of a threat at the moment. The Rangers are probably strutting around town and Baltimore is probably giddy thinking "Oh boy! We get to play Boston this weekend. We might actually have a chance to win!" Unfortunately, even if they should go 4-158, the games have to be played.

So onward... The knock on Texas was always their pitching; they could hit with the best of them but their starting pitching was awful and their bullpen was terrible. They addressed it over the winter by bringing in Rich Harden and Colby Lewis, and moving CJ Wilson from the 'pen to strengthen their rotation. They also added Darren Oliver (from the Angels) and Chris Ray (from Baltimore) to a bullpen that already looked strong with Frank Francisco (who hasn't looked very good this year) and Neftali Feliz (who has).

They let Marlon Byrd go. They claimed Ryan Garko off of waivers from Seattle to fill the role they were going to give to Mike Lowell but, in limited playing time, he hasn't been fabulous at it. The big off-season acquisition for them was Vladimir Guerrero and while he hasn't huge amounts of power, he is hitting at a .348 clip.

Texas has been dealing with a string of injuries. Starting pitcher Tommy Hunter has an oblique problem and relief pitcher Warner Madrigal has a forearm injury. As for position players, they are without Jarrod Saltalamacchia because he is back on the disabled list with a back problem. As a result, Taylor Teagarden has started seven games for them; offensively, it hasn't gone well, he doesn't yet have a hit. Even more importantly, Ian Kinsler sprained his ankle back in March and has just started running on it.

Colby Lewis will be the first pitcher to go for Texas in the series. Lewis was originally drafted by Texas in 1999 and was in their rotation in 2003. He was claimed off waivers by the Tigers in 2004 and hung around there until 2006. In 2006 he signed with the Nats and was released in spring training 2007. He hooked on with Oakland as a relief pitcher in 2007, was claimed off waivers by Kansas City in November and released a month later. He's spent the last two years in Japan.

He throws a low-nineties fastball, a slider, a curve ball, and a change up. He's made two starts this season and would appear to be two completely different pitchers. In his first outing against Seattle, he allowed one run over seven innings and struck out three. In his second start (against Cleveland), he went five and one-third of an inning allowing only two runs. Impressively, he struck out ten in that game. He doesn't give up a lot of hits but the number of walks he allows might be a concern (four in each game so far). He's also more of a fly ball pitcher, so if Vic wants to ground into a double-play, he's really going to have to work for it.

Matt Harrison is slated to start on Wednesday. Harrison also throws a low-nineties fastball, a slider, a curve ball, and a change up. He has one career start against Boston (September 6, 2008). He allowed four runs on seven hits with one walk over six innings in that game. There are lots of balls put in play on Harrison (and with the slightly shaky defense shown by Texas so far, it might not be the best thing for him) but he does have good control.

CJ Wilson was their overly opinionated, jackass of a set up man (with a stupid beard) last year. Seriously, the man is a jerk; he has the chutzpah of a Curt Schilling, without the gravitas to back it up. He is supposed to be their starter on Thursday. His fastball which was in the mid-nineties when he was a reliever is in the low-nineties as a starter. He also throws a slider, a curve ball, and a change up. And over the winter he added a shiny new cutter. He does have a pretty nasty lefty/righty split, with lefties hitting only .118 against him while righties hit .313. He threw seven shut out innings against Toronto in his first start but gave up five runs (three earned) in six innings against New York.

Joaquin Arias (who is filling in at second base for Kinsler) and Elvis Andrus don't have a lot of power between them but they will, seemingly, single you to death. Vladimir Guerrero is also hitting well but not with a huge amount of power. And then there's Nelson Cruz, who is absolutely on fire at the moment with seven home runs. As a team, they don't run a lot but coming into Boston that's likely to change. And they strike out in really horrible numbers; they've played twelve games this year and have three players who have struck out thirteen times. (As a caution: lead by Messrs. Drew and Ortiz, Boston had the same total number of strike outs in twelve games.)

F5.

Well, boys. I don't know what to say. This season has gotten off to a craptacular start. The offense has lived up to the worst fears of the crazy people who call in to 'EEI and maybe even exceeded them. Besides Jon Lester, the starting pitching has been somewhat of a mixed bag; good and bad starts from everybody. Manny Del is either hurt and hiding it or he can no longer pitch. And the defense hasn't really lived up to expectations. At all. Perhaps setting my sights too high, I envisioned a club where nothing got out of the infield and nothing fell in the outfield.

So here's my thought: the season needs an F5. Theo's team has not loaded correctly. It's stalled. It doesn't look as he intended it to look. Theo needs to go down to his secret lair below the park and hit refresh.

And when his newly refreshed team hits the field tomorrow, I've picked out an anthem for them: a little Twisted Sister to get them going. If that doesn't work, it might be taken up by the fans--that is, if they could bear the scolding that Kevin Youkilis would undoubtedly dole out.

Notes on Miserable Games.

Boyos:

Do you remember when you used to not suck? (Not talking to you, Pedey. You're still awesome.) Do you remember when home games were practically guaranteed wins? (Because God forbid you should win on the road.) Those were fun times. Maybe you should try to go back to doing whatever it was you were doing then.

Rain, Rain Go Away.

AP Photo

Today's game has ended with more of a semicolon than a full stop. Supposedly it will be resumed tomorrow at 7:10, with David Ortiz leading off. It should be odd. Maybe, it will only take one pitch for it to be over; that would be dramatic.

Rain Delay Theater Presents: The Life of King Henry the Fifth.

Act I
Home Clubhouse, Fenway Park.
Enter John Lackey, Dustin Pedroia.

Lackey: So this girl, she had the biggest--
Tito [Off Stage]: Lackey?
Lackey: Yeah, Tito. In here.

Enter Tito, carrying a large box.

Tito: Hey Pedey. I ran into Sciosc- in the hall and he asked if I would give this to you. So here you go.
Lackey: Thanks.
Tito: No problem. You ready for tonight?
Lackey: For sure.
Tito: Good. Then I'll see you guys later.

Exit Tito.

Pedroia: So what you get?
Lackey: Give me a second twerp.
Pedroia [losing interest]: Fine. Whatever man.
Lackey: Do you got a knife?
Pedroia: Here. So you were saying about that girl...
Lackey [Cutting through the packing tape]: What? Oh, yeah her. [Lackey pulls a note from the box and begins to read] She had the...What the hell?
Pedroia: What's that?
Lackey: Here. Read it. It's a note from Sciosc.
Pedroia [Reading]: Dear John, [Pedroia giggles] I hope that you find these useful for your time in Boston. You used them enough when you were here in L.A. Love, Mike. Huh. What did he send? Some of your old crap?
Lackey: Golf balls.
Pedroia: What? Oh! I totally get it. Golf balls because you spent so much time on the disabled list playing golf instead of playing baseball. Ouch! He burned you man.
Lackey: I don't--
Pedroia: You're not going to let that go...
Lackey: No.
Pedroia: What are you gonna do about it?
Lackey: Something. He can't just insult me like that.

Exuent Omnes.

Act II
Home Clubhouse, Fenway Park.
Enter entire Red Sox team. The team sits; Lackey and Pedroia stand before the assembly.

Pedroia: Friends, Romans, Countrymen. Lend...
Lackey: Wrong play dude.
Pedroia: What? Oh sorry. Listen, guys. Mike Scioscia is a jackass. You are not going to believe what he just did to John. He tried to insult him by sending him golf balls. He implied that Lackey was just taking money from the Angels and not making a real effort to help them win ballgames. [Assembly grumbles] From what we've seen, we know that that's not true. [Assembly grumbles agreement]
Lackey: We need to show Scioscia that he was wrong, that I always gave my all for that club. They just haven't been good enough and he is full of himself and overrated. [Assent from the assembly] Then forth, dear countrymen. Let us deliver our puissance into the hand of God, putting it straight in expedition. Cheerily to sea, the signs of war advance: No king of England, if not king of France. (2.2.185-9)

Exuent Omnes.

Act III
Home Dugout, Fenway Park.
Enter John Lackey and Red Sox.

Lackey: Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more, or close the wall up with our Red Sox dead. In peace there's nothing so becomes a man as modest stillness and humility, but when the blast of war blows in our ears, then imitate the action of the tiger. Stiffen the sinews, conjure up the blood, disguise fair nature with hard-favored rage. (3.1.1-8)
Pedroia: Oh hell yeah. We're going to win tonight.
Scutaro: What's he throwing Pedey?
Pedroia: Fastball is flat. He can't get the curve into the strike zone. And you can spot the change from miles away.
Scutaro: And the zone?
Pedroia: So small it's like trying to throw the ball through the eye of a needle. And Lackey, you're looking really good man. You set them up and we will knock them down. And that strikeout of Hunter? The man couldn't have looked more stupid if you paid him. You shouldn't make your friends look that silly.

Exuent Omnes.

Act IV
Home Dugout, Fenway Park. Top of the ninth inning.
The Red Sox sit glumly on the bench. John Lackey stands in front. John Farrell enters.

Farrell: John, I know this is important to you but this is not the best way to do this. You should throw a little bit easier. Striking out all the batters is selfish. The team needs you to be able to throw and to throw really well in October. Your elbow is gonna disintegrate.
Lackey: You're right, for sure, that I need to do this. But trust me, my motives are really good.
Farrell: I can't believe you John.
Lackey: You'll just have to.

Exit Farrell.

Ellsbury: This is hopeless. They're just so much better. Bunt single, first to third, and a sac fly.
Youkilis: It's too bad that we can't use the players down in Pawtucket or up in Portland. Then we might actually stand a chance. If we could only call on Westmoreland...
Lackey: God's will, I pray thee wish not one man more. By Jove, I am not covetous for gold, nor care I who doth feed upon my cost; it ernes me not if men my garments wear; such outward things dwell not in my desires. But if is be a sin to covet honor I am the most offending soul alive. No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England. God's peace, I would not lose so great an honor as one man more methinks would share from me for the best hope I have. Oh do not wish one more. Rather proclaim it presently through my host that he which hath no stomach to this fight, let him depart. His passport shall be made and crowns for convoy put into his purse. That fears his fellowship to die with us. This day is called the Feast of Crispian. He that outlives this day and comes safe home will stand a-tiptoe when this day is named and rouse him at the name of Crispian. He that shall see this day and live t'old age will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbors and say, "Tomorrow is St. Crispian." Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars and say, "These wounds I had on Crispian's day." Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot but he'll remember, with advantages, what feats he did that day. Then shall our names familiar in his mouth as household words -- Lackey the Ace, Ortiz and Pedroia, Cameron and J.D., Scutaro and Youk'lis -- be in their flowing cups freshly remembered. This story shall the good man teach his son, And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by from this day to the ending of the world but we in it shall be rememberèd. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile, this day shall gentle his condition. And gentlemen in England now abed shall think themselves accursed they were not here and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us upon St. Crispin's day. (4.3.23-67)

[Cheers from the bench.]

Exuent Omnes.

[Heard from off-stage: Sounds of a baseball game. Cheers from the crowd. Dirty Water.]


Act V
Home clubhouse, Fenway Park. The next day.
Pedroia and Scutaro enter.

Pedroia: So Scoots. Why exactly do you have a banana taped onto your baseball cap?
Scutaro: It's a tradition in Venezuela.
Pedroia: You said that was only for yesterday.
Scutaro: Yeah well... Mike Scioscia was trying to be funny and told me that I should eat it. So I'm going to kick his ass.
Pedroia: Dude. You can't beat up the opposing manager.
Scutaro: Watch me.
Pedroia: Seriously. Scioscia is an old man and you would get in big trouble. Why don't we just make him apologize, send him to sensitivity training.

Enter John Lackey.

Pedroia: Hey John! Good win last night. How you feelin'?
Lackey: It was good, for sure. I feel pretty good.
Pedroia: Well, that's alright. You talked to Scioscia yet?
Lackey: Not yet no. But I probably should, right?
Pedroia: Yeah. I think that would probably be best.

Exit Pedroia and Scutaro. Enter Mike Scioscia.

Lackey: Sciosc! You're not supposed to be in here man.
Mike Scioscia: I know. I just needed to talk to you.
Lackey: Be quick about it before someone sees.
Mike Scioscia: I wanted to apologize about what I did to you yesterday. It was inappropriate and was immature.
Lackey: Yeah, I'm sorry about what went down too. You were very influential in making me into the pitcher that I am. I do appreciate all that you've done.
Mike Scioscia: Aww, John. You should also know that I knew that you always gave everything you had.

Exuent Omnes.


Seriously. That's how Henry V ends: a joke about a guy wearing a leek on his hat and Henry and the King of France kiss and make up.

Colonials and Indians.

No one has ever accused Curt Schilling of being politically correct or tempering his words or generally being aware of how people perceive him. It's just who he is: a loudmouthed, opinionated guy who, because he was able to throw a ball with great speed and accuracy, was presented with a platform from which to shout his opinions. I'm not saying his opinions are wrong, it's just that had he not been a baseball player he'd still be the annoying coworker who is never wrong and makes sure that everyone knows it.

And so it should come as no surprise when Curt finds himself in a bit of an imbroglio. The current problem? A company he has ownership in (not the video game company) has put out a board game that depicts the King Phillip War. The game seems to be a combination of Dungeons and Dragons (I might be wrong about this because I've never played Dungeons and Dragons) and Risk. One player takes the side of the English, the other the Native Americans and they battle it out to either capture Boston or defeat the Native Americans. It's an idea that some find offensive.

Curt, of course, will not be deterred:

"If everyone intent on keeping historical events stopped at content that might be offensive, we'd lose sight of the horrific mistakes of this nation, the world and the human race are capable of, and that would be a horrific thing."

I am not a history buff and I won't pretend to know much of anything about the conflict. Now it's granted that the historical record may not be very accurate but it was a historical event. Insisting that it paints a population in a negative light and therefore should be ignored is silly; especially when you haven't seen the game. We've all been so well conditioned to accept the English as the aggressors that they were (Colors of the Wind, people), one would assume the English would come off just as poorly. And to say that it trivializes a tragedy seems obtuse simply because the King Phillip War is probably already trivia to most people.

And lest anyone think that I'm as out of touch as Curt, I still refuse to call the Cleveland baseball team by anything other than Cleveland. I hate the stupid guy with the drum and I find Chief Wahoo incredibly offensive.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Questions? Comments? Complaints? If you've got some free time on Friday and the ability to get down to Hartford, then Larry Lucchino will be glad to hear them--assuming, of course, that they have something to do with the Red Sox; it's a focused griping session. Front Office types will be taking over the Hartford Club (in Hartford) as a sort of good will tour to hear all the whining that Red Sox fans can muster. And if you can't make it down to Hartford, the tour will be making it's way to a New England city near you at some point this summer.

Gastrointestinal Issues.

Someone needs to inform Chan Ho Park that there's no shame in giving up a home run to Dustin Pedroia; it happens to the best of them. It's just what happens when dealing with a player of his magnitude. (Pedroia would probably be the first in line to pass along the news but I don't think that that would go over too well.) It seems that he would rather own up to a rather embarrassing issue than acknowledge the greatness of Pedroia. After the game on Opening Night--and I don't know how I missed this video until today--Park explains exactly why Pedroia was able to get the better of him. Keep telling yourself that Chan Ho.

Twin Spin.

To be filed under: You Learn Something New Everyday. According to the company's website, Target Corporation opened as Dayton Dry Goods Company in Minneapolis in 1902. It became a full fledged department store nine years later and in 1962 it was renamed Target. They expanded West to Colorado and South to Texas in the late sixties, out to California in the early eighties, and the Pacific Northwest and the Southeast in the late eighties. (It doesn't mention when they opened in New England but as my cousin who lives in Vermont will tell you: there are no Target stores in Vermont.) Who, besides the Minnesotans who terrified poor Justin Masterson last Spring, new?

The Twins, meanwhile, are off to an extremely hot start. They took three out of four from the Angels and two out of three from the White Sox. Carl Pavano (who goes tonight) allowed one run in seven innings in his first start. He didn't walk anybody and he struck out six. Kevin Slowey who pitches Wednesday (after the off day on Tuesday) allowed one run in five and one-third innings. Francisco Liriano is likely to pitch the last game of the series on Thursday. Liriano gave up three runs in six innings last Friday. Luckily for him, he was playing the White Sox and they weren't able to capitalize on the five walks he issued.

Their bullpen has allowed all of three runs in the eighteen and two-thirds of an inning they've pitched. Nearly all of their games have been close and Jon Rauch, acting as their closer, has already collected four saves this season.

They seem to be doing most things right, offensively. J'oh Mauer (I find his accent to be absolutely precious) is not resting on his laurels: he's got three doubles, a home run, and five walks so far. Justin Morneau, J.J. Hardy, and Delmon Young each have a pair of home runs. Nick Punto, Delmon Young, Denard Span, and Michael Cuddyer each have a stolen base. Justin Morneau and Jason Kubel do lead the club with six strike outs each. And J.J. Hardy has grounded into three double plays.

It should be a real test for my boys; while they could hang with the Yankees, they seemed somewhat at a loss against the Royals.

.500!

AP Photo

I feel like I've been a bit of a Negative Nelly around here lately, even if it was supposed to be understood sarcastically. So...Yay! Go team! But for God's sake: Don't kill each other.

Luckily, he escaped with a bruise. Moving will be painful, breathing won't be easy, and he'll probably need something to allow him to sleep tonight, but cracked ribs could take eight weeks to heal. Not particularly known for his ability to stick it out says Ellsbury:

"I guess the thing is wake up tomorrow and see how I feel. As long as nothing is broke, I think ... I guess it's pain tolerance. I feel pretty good. I know it's going to be really sore tomorrow. I also hit my hip pretty good. I think I'll be alright."

From your lips...

You're Welcome.

AP Photo

I lined up all of my best talismans before tonight's game: I ate my lucky lunch; I wore my lucky sweater; I set out my lucky rock but I wasn't really certain that it would make a difference. But Zach Greinke gives up back to back home runs? One of them to Jason Varitek? Offense in general? An effective bullpen? I may be more powerful than I think.

But seriously, good job boyos. Keep it up.

1-161.

I figured: I'd get over it. Stomp around a bit. Glare at my framed photograph of Daniel Bard; turn him around so that he has to face the wall all night. Commiserate with poor Wakey.

But I'm beginning to realize that there's nothing worth seeing here: Terrible bullpen. Mostly terrible starters. Terrible hitters. As much as they might protest, the only thing that this team can do is catch the ball. I love defense--watching Adrian Beltre has been huge amounts of fun--but defense isn't going to win us games. We need to get someone who can swing a bat well and drive in runs because it's going to be a long season if we have to wait for 'Tek-less, Papi-less 2011.

I was willing to believe in run-prevention; it seems like a valid enough way of building a baseball team. But we've seen enough to know that either it doesn't work or this team just isn't any good at it. Irregardless, it's time to give up on the experiment and go with something that will win you baseball games: a big bat.



[Aside: I don't actually have a framed photograph of Daniel Bard in my home. He doesn't have to worry.]

Same Old Song and Dance.

AP Photo

Wake must be used to it by now, right? Sixteen years of generally pitching well only to see his teammates blow it for him. Either that or he's a bit of a masochist. Very frustrating. I wouldn't be surprised if sweet, gentlemanly Wake just snapped one day and popped one of them.

Also, the Royals really don't know how to throw a party; that little pre-game ceremony was poorly done. It looked like it was thrown together at the last minute and the whole thing was confusing. Golf clubs? Huh? Look! We got your dad a watch! What? If you really want to re-present him with a trophy that he's probably had sitting on his mantle all winter (which gets a bit of an eye-roll), do that. But leave out all the extraneous crap, it seems desperate.

Going to Kansas City.

Onto bigger and better things, I guess.

Scheduled to go first for Kansas City on Friday is Kyle Davies. Davies versus Wakefield is actually a rematch of Davies major-league debut (when he was with the Braves); a game he won. On May 21, 2005 at Boston, he went five innings and gave up four hits, with no runs. He walked three and struck out six. That was the last time he faced the Sox.

He throws a low-nineties fastball, a curve ball, and a change up. He had a slider but mostly abandoned it in favor of a cutter last year. He has good stuff but has never really been able to harness it. He gets plenty of strike outs but gives up lots of hits, walks, and way too many home runs in the process. He was faring better toward the end of spring training, though.

Zack Greinke takes on Josh Beckett on Saturday. In his first start of the season, Greinke gave up one earned run on six hits in six innings. He had one walk and four strike outs against the Tigers. Greinke was pretty much grooving until the sixth inning when he gave up three singles in a row and allowed a run to score. I guess somebody's got to do it.

And Gil Meche is supposed to come off of the disabled list to take the ball on Sunday. He was on the disabled list with shoulder bursitis. He throws a low-nineties fast ball, a slider, a curve ball, and a change up. He's a ground ball pitcher. Results-wise, he's similar to Kyle Davies: lots of strike outs and lots of hits but he gives up fewer walks and fewer home runs. Last season Meche started once against Boston and lasted only 3 and two-thirds of an inning. He gave up six earned runs on six hits (two home runs: one from Jason Varitek and one from Kevin Youkilis), while walking three. Of the eleven outs he got, six of them were strike outs.

With the exception of Soria, the bullpen in KC is somewhat of a motley crew. This is a group that contains both Kyle Farnsworth and Luis Mendoza. (Admittedly, Mendoza is much better in the bullpen than he was as a starter for Texas.) If he can throw strikes, Juan Cruz is worth watching, though.

Meanwhile, the players that make up the 2010 Kansas City Royals are not, historically, a group that walks a lot. It seems like Wakefield has fared well against the Royals in the past. If the knuckler is working and they're up there swinging away, it might make for a very quick night. There also isn't a whole lot of power in the group.

For their off-season acquisitions they got Scott Podsednik, who always seemed to be a thorn in the side of the Red Sox; they declined the option on Coco Crisp and got Rick Ankiel; they also declined the option on Miguel Olivo's contract and brought in Jason Kendall . And they traded Mark Teahen to Chicago for Chris Getz, who's got some speed. Of course, there's always the hope that David DeJesus will blossom. And there's Billy Butler.

Henny Penny.

Dearest Team:

Did someone back there decide that John Lackey is the new Tim Wakefield? Because I don't imagine that he would have signed here had he known that no matter how well he pitched, you people weren't going to score any runs for him. And (for sure) I'm really starting to like Lackey; I'd completely forgotten about the underbite, the pointy teeth, and the mouth-breathing until he showed up on my television screen tonight.

And as I muttered to myself that you all were terrible at baseball, I knew it wasn't true. Lackey held the Yankees to three hits over six innings, which is extremely impressive. Watching Beltre, Cameron, and JD, I could find myself climbing aboard Theo's run-prevention express. But, dear hearts, the train isn't going to go anywhere if you can't find a way to get men home. It wasn't like you lacked for opportunity; you were facing Andy Pettitte.

It's like trying to watch the Giants (ignoring at the moment that they scored ten runs today) except that the Giants are 3-0. Of course, the Giants are playing the Astros and (sorry Brad Mills) the Astros are a truly bad team: they don't really do anything well. But the similarity stands; the Giants aren't going to score a lot of runs but they can pitch.

And in the end it probably doesn't really matter to you. It's just one game out of one hundred and sixty-two, and all that. You can fly off to Kansas City and avoid going out into the general population and not have to deal with the braying Yankee fan--a horrid sub-class of humanity. But those of us stuck manning the fort, would really appreciate it if you would try super hard next time to score at least a couple of runs.

Four More Years! Four More Years!

Today, Josh Beckett signed a four-year, $68 million contract to stay in Boston. Perhaps now he can afford to buy a comb.

Brave New World.

Wonders never cease. During the course of the spring I actually found myself warming to John Lackey. This is amazing progress given how much I disliked the man, his Hapsburg chin, and his stupid mole--and then he spoke and it made the whole package more cartoonish. Now, I may still be a little punchy from the game but in another miracle-of-miracles after watching the video of his presser, I actually like Kevin Youkilis.

Chatty Cathy.

I kind of miss surly Josh Beckett; the one whose vocabulary didn't seem to extend beyond a handful of swears, "yes", "no", and an assortment of grunts because at least when he sucked, it made for an amusing post game interview. I wouldn't call this Josh Beckett entirely comfortable with the interview process but he does use his words albeit in a not particularly entertaining way.

Things To Sustain Us on a Baseball-Less Monday.

This post may do nothing to prove that I am not a terrible person but it turns out that Bud Selig is a tease and I need something to amuse myself on a baseball-less Monday.

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I swear that it's not like I've spent any time at all examining Mark Teixeira's hair but I don't remember it being that dark. It looks so very, very wrong and flat that I suspect it's a bad home dye-job. And there's nothing as sadly pathetic as a man who dies his hair. (Of course, now that I've written it, it probably means that it's always been that color and I look crazy and petty. If I was wrong, it would prove though that I don't spend my time mooning over horse face.)

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I don't care one way or the other about the majority of Yankee players. I really find it impossible to dislike Curtis Granderson (He hits a home run off of Josh Beckett? You just have to remember him crying over having to play for the Yankees and it's all forgiven.) There's a special level of disgust toward Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez, no doubt about that. But the player I most enjoy seeing fail--call it Kevinyoukilitis--is Joba Chamberlain. If he's sad, well all the better.

Awesome Possum.

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What a game. I will admit to complaining about this game as early as last summer when the schedule first came out; starting against the Yankees seemed unnecessary and like overkill but that was fun.

It didn't start out that way but it was good enough. The pitching was not fabulous and there weren't many runs prevented. But the defense wasn't bad and they mustered enough hits to survive the night.

And there was Petey. You can't go wrong with Petey.

Can't Keep a Good Schill Down.

Back in January Curt Schilling moved his blog off of 'EEI's website and back to the relative anonymity of his own website. Unable to avoid the limelight, Curt has hooked onto ESPN agreeing to contribute to ESPNBoston, ESPN.com, ESPN Radio, and Baseball Tonight. His premiere will be on tomorrow's Baseball Tonight, to talk Sox-Yankees before the big game.

Onion Goggles.

There's this wonderful group of people who, even if they know a piece is from The Onion, will first insist on believing it and second insist that it can't possibly be true. I know that that sounds condescending but I find a little bit of gullibility charming and do wish that I could part ways with a little bit of my cynicism. According to The Onion, there are big changes coming to the Fens:


Red Sox Announce Plans To Return Fenway To Original 1912 Conditions

Homeward Bound.

Baseball is a funny little game. I don't follow the other games that are played professionally --football, hockey, basketball-- but it seems to me that baseball, above all the others, is a game full of ghosts. The stars of yesterday, who may have been dead and buried/frozen for quite awhile, might as well be walking around on that field. Their stories (who they were as players, as people) live on so that they seem to be more than just stories handed down or read in book, they're more than just numbers on the back of a baseball card, they seem to be very real and still quite relevant.

And tomorrow it all starts again. Somehow these players, this year will make their mark on history. New legends will get their start. A player will have a break-out season. A top-rated prospect will bust. Players that only the most dedicated followers of a team's farm system will have heard of, will burst onto the scene. A player will finally live up to his hype. A team *knock wood it's not the Sox* will lose a player to injury and fall out of contention. Somebody will exceed all expectation and be the feel-good story of the year. The Twins will muddle their way through to an AL Central win. And maybe, just maybe, this will be the year the Cubs win it all.

A shiny new baseball season begins. Anything is possible. And I can't wait.