Roger.

Roger Clemens in happier times.

I first should say that I didn't watch the interview. The transcript is up on Boston.com and it doesn't make me happy.

I really don't know whether to believe him or not. Call me bitter, but when he left the Sox and suddenly got better it pissed me off. I was a freshman/sophomore in high school his first year in Toronto, being a Sox fan was not yet something I could wear with pride, and he goes and screws us? Blah. I think I decided then that he was on steroids and resigned myself to that fact.

So when the report came out and he was named, all I thought was: Way to be obvious, Georgie. Now, Clemens comes out with this interview and I don't know what to think anymore. Part of me really wants to believe him and the other part is yelling at me for being a naive, sentimental girl. The thinking part tells me that pitchers do not get better in their mid-thirties from simply working out harder, unless their previous work outs were crap. They just don't. They get weaker with age. The body deteriorates. Throwing a baseball is not a natural movement-it wears down your elbow and your shoulder. [aside: I was wicked sore this morning from playing Wii baseball yesterday. It said that I could throw a 94 mph fastball and I'm fairly certain that this would translate into real life. Right?] The other part of me insists: But it's Roger Clemens. You remember Roger Clemens. Come on, he was great! (She was also the one who had me worried back in May, when I knew that he was a washed up pitcher and wouldn't really help the Yankees.)

But he's Roger. He's the Rocket. I'll tell you what he meant to me. When I was in first grade my sister and I played on the T-Ball team that our Dad coached. One of the fundraisers that they did was to take your picture, slap it on a baseball card, and sell it to your Mom. On the back they put your height, your weight, handed-ness, and (because nobody had any stats) they listed your favorite team and your favorite player. My Dad filled out the information for both of us. He listed us both as Red Sox fans. According to my Dad, I was a big Wade Boggs fan and my sister was a Roger Clemens fan. I was so jealous of my sister that she got to be a Roger Clemens fan. I had no idea who in the hell Wade Boggs was but at five I knew Roger Clemens and I knew that he was great.

But now? I just don't know. I've spent so long believing that he was on steroids and thinking that he sucked. I really want to believe him but I know that I shouldn't. I suppose that in my heart of hearts I don't believe him but that makes me sad. I mean, come on, he's Roger Clemens, a baseball god. And then it makes me angry. Even if we go with the assumption that it was pure Roger during his time in Boston, his whole career becomes suspect. All that time spent idolizing a man who turns out to be nothing more than a cheater.