Henny Penny.

Dearest Team:

Did someone back there decide that John Lackey is the new Tim Wakefield? Because I don't imagine that he would have signed here had he known that no matter how well he pitched, you people weren't going to score any runs for him. And (for sure) I'm really starting to like Lackey; I'd completely forgotten about the underbite, the pointy teeth, and the mouth-breathing until he showed up on my television screen tonight.

And as I muttered to myself that you all were terrible at baseball, I knew it wasn't true. Lackey held the Yankees to three hits over six innings, which is extremely impressive. Watching Beltre, Cameron, and JD, I could find myself climbing aboard Theo's run-prevention express. But, dear hearts, the train isn't going to go anywhere if you can't find a way to get men home. It wasn't like you lacked for opportunity; you were facing Andy Pettitte.

It's like trying to watch the Giants (ignoring at the moment that they scored ten runs today) except that the Giants are 3-0. Of course, the Giants are playing the Astros and (sorry Brad Mills) the Astros are a truly bad team: they don't really do anything well. But the similarity stands; the Giants aren't going to score a lot of runs but they can pitch.

And in the end it probably doesn't really matter to you. It's just one game out of one hundred and sixty-two, and all that. You can fly off to Kansas City and avoid going out into the general population and not have to deal with the braying Yankee fan--a horrid sub-class of humanity. But those of us stuck manning the fort, would really appreciate it if you would try super hard next time to score at least a couple of runs.