F5.

Well, boys. I don't know what to say. This season has gotten off to a craptacular start. The offense has lived up to the worst fears of the crazy people who call in to 'EEI and maybe even exceeded them. Besides Jon Lester, the starting pitching has been somewhat of a mixed bag; good and bad starts from everybody. Manny Del is either hurt and hiding it or he can no longer pitch. And the defense hasn't really lived up to expectations. At all. Perhaps setting my sights too high, I envisioned a club where nothing got out of the infield and nothing fell in the outfield.

So here's my thought: the season needs an F5. Theo's team has not loaded correctly. It's stalled. It doesn't look as he intended it to look. Theo needs to go down to his secret lair below the park and hit refresh.

And when his newly refreshed team hits the field tomorrow, I've picked out an anthem for them: a little Twisted Sister to get them going. If that doesn't work, it might be taken up by the fans--that is, if they could bear the scolding that Kevin Youkilis would undoubtedly dole out.