Open Mouth. Insert Foot.

He goes away, disappears for a couple of months, and you forget just how unpleasant he really is. From this absence without the benefit of being an awesome pitcher to help you forgive/ignore the things he says, the things he says come across as entitled, selfish, egotistical, and really just stupid. He's like Curt Schilling except that Curt had some sense (however twisted and warped it was) of reality and his place in it. Perhaps some fear of God would be good for Papelbon.

The interview with Edes starts off well enough. He's redirecting his anger at his performance last October by using it as motivation for his off-season workouts. That's good to hear. But then it descends into his normal idiocy. His wife is having another baby in April and they have decided to call the poor mite Gunner. Because Gunner is supposed to be a bad ass name. Here's the thing Pap: Gunner is not bad ass. It's hillbilly. Either that or people will possibly think the poor kid is Scandinavian and that you just can't spell. Sue would be bad ass. Gunner is stupid. [Edited: Removed because it was deemed to be excessively mean for calling into question the child-rearing skills of Ashely Papelbon.]

And then he says that he didn't know of any of the moves the club had made. I don't actually have a problem with that. Tim Wakefield, whom I respect tremendously, has said something similar. But Wake is a good, kind, generous soul; Papelbon is not. And so when I read "Cameron, Mike Cameron? We got him? I swear to you, I didn't know." my brain translates it to: "Cameron? Mike Cameron? We got him? I swear to you, I didn't know." And before he's even played a game, I'm fully behind my new centerfielder.

And I agree with him that Mike Lowell, should his wrist problem not be insurmountable, could play everyday; as long as he doesn't play third or hit the ball on the ground if there are runners on. Anywhere. If Mike hits the ball to short, the opposing team would probably have time to drive the ball down to Pawtucket tag out the runner there, grab a bite to eat, and get back to Boston before Mike hobbled his way down to first. And I adore Mike Lowell. Arthritis is degenerative. He's not getting better. A year out from the surgery will probably help to alleviate some of the pain but he's still going to "run like a turtle on an iceberg". But it's good to know that Papelbon will stand by fellow clients of his agent.

And then he starts in with the best ever crap again and how he's not trying to make the most money he can for himself, not at all, he's trying to make the world a better place for closers everywhere. Which rankles but we already touched on it when he said it last year.

And then there's his goal of immortality. He doesn't particularly want to help the team win or win the World Series. He's happy to do those things, if they'll help him reach his goal of getting into the Hall of Fame. I'm not sure he realizes how unlikely that is given his shoulder, his flat fastball, and his inability to throw the splitter or the slider for a strike anymore. But no one ever said he didn't suffer from grandiose delusions.

Maybe they should bring Timlin back to babysit him. I don't remember Papelbon being this annoying when Timlin was running the show down there.