Brobdingnagian.

You can't help but look at this Globe photo of Jason Varitek and be impressed by his physical form; especially in comparison to the slight paunch exhibited by both Martinez and Brown. Clearly the man works hard on chiseling his body. But the Globe left out some of the story. As is evidenced in the AP photo, not only did he become chiseled he became bigger. A lot bigger.

Oh, the Irony.

Jason Varitek, bless him, doesn't always give the best interviews; he has a slightly goofy voice, he seems to really be thinking as he speaks, and he puts words together in a weird, sometimes indecipherable manner. The idea of watching an entire eleven minute interview can seem somewhat onerous. But this eleven minute interview has a payoff, albeit a payoff that comes four minutes into the interview. Asked about how his role as team captain changes now that he's not an everyday player, Varitek responds:

"I think my voice now goes to complete mute. And, um, you all of a sudden go from a level of respect to absolutely none at all.

Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.

Here's a tip, though: Unless it's completely inappropriate, never apologize for making a joke and never explain a joke. If they don't get, then they don't get it; explaining only makes everybody feel dumb.

Thin Ice.

Jason Varitek was back at Fenway earlier today along with some old Bruins to test out the ice before the Winter Classic. WBZ has video. Oddly, and it might just be the giant coat but his legs look really skinny.

He also spoke with the media while he was there. Edes has the full transcript but Varitek speaks with such strange syntax that it's sometimes difficult to figure out what he's trying to say when it's written down. Plus, he has a weird issue with tenses.

So, I knew that being a catcher was hard on the joints in your legs but I didn't realize just how difficult it must be. Says Varitek on the last time the season ended without him being in pain:

"I don't know. But one good thing, at the end of the season I didn't play as much, so my sea legs came back a lot quicker. Usually the determining point of ... when I can start training is if I can go down the stairs straight. I don't have to sidestep to get down the steps. Then my body is feeling pretty good. You can't play that position. Once you're down and the adrenaline leaves the system, something's going to hurt.''

Geez, man.

Our Fearful Trip is Not Quite Done.

In a surprise to-absolutely-no-one move, Jason Varitek exercised his player option yesterday afternoon to become Boston's backup catcher. I guess it's okay. His teammates all seem to like him and feel that he's important (though maybe Kottaras less so in this instance). He did have a nice start to last season, so maybe he'll benefit from the extra time off. A girl can hope, right?

Mr. Mean.

The Projo has a nice little article on exactly what Victor Martinez meant to his former teammates. Essentially, they seem to feel that without Martinez, Cleveland became a rudderless ship. And that they were treading water waiting for someone to take charge. It has to be difficult: To be sputtering along and suddenly find yourself in a class of organic chemistry students without a teacher that's still expected to pass the final.

And to see his affect on the Red Sox clubhouse you need to look no further than David Ortiz. Victor Martinez comes over and shares elaborate handshakes with David and Papi starts hitting again for real. Plus, he seems like just a really good guy in general.

The reason I bring it up though is Martinez's description of Jason Varitek:

“You play against him, and he looks kind of mean. That’s the way he plays. He’s one of the guys I always looked up to. He’s pretty smart, he knows what he’s doing, and all the things he’s done for this organization, no one’s going to take that away from him."

“When I got here, it kind of surprised me, because I never knew that was the kind of person that he is. He’s great, great. He’s been there for me the whole time.

It made me smile because that was the impression that I had of Varitek, as well. I could imagine him being a bully when he was in school and I can't imagine anyone ever telling him to "go suck an egg." When, in reality, he's not a bad guy; he's a decent human being--albeit one with flaws.

Acey Duecy.

I haven't attempted to play poker in a very long time. I can play Setback. I can play Spit. I used to be able to play Gin Rummy. I can play War. I am really good at Uno, not as good at Crazy Eights. I got a little bit competitive at Hearts once--stacked the deck. People were upset; it wasn't pretty.

My Dad tried to teach me poker once or twice, five-card draw, seven-card stud (I think these are games), and after I got the hang of it declared myself to be a card sharp. The old man thought this was particularly funny and insisted that the term was card shark. And so the poker lesson dissolved into an etymological lesson and started the hunt for the actual term (we were both right but I was more right) and where it could possibly have come from.

If you do play the game though, on June 8 there will be a poker party in Faneuil Hall (and subsequent golf tournament) to benefit Pitching in for Kids; which raises grant money for children's charities. The event will be hosted by Tim Wakefield and Jason Varitek.

Swinging Bachelor.

The bachelor life may not be agreeing with Jason Varitek. Seemingly desperate to get out of the house, Varitek spent his Sunday morning hanging out with the local little league. He offered a semi-confusing pro-education message that they should "take care of their school" and tossed out the first pitch. (I kid because I love.)

Home.

I suppose it's not really fair to make fun of the musical tastes of a fifteen or sixteen-year-old Kevin Youkilis. We all do stupid things when we're young and naive. But you can go ahead and put another tic in the "Kevin Youkilis is a tool" column. In the video (which was taken during yesterday's picture day) Youkilis reveals that the ring tone on his cellphone is Pearl Jam's Betterman. He also expresses an appreciation for Adam Sandler. I don't know which is worse.

I originally planned on skipping this video. Part of it, though, was asking the players which park they liked playing in besides Fenway; Pedroia likes the rally monkey, Ellsbury likes playing in front of his family in Seattle, and David Ortiz is appreciative of the short porch in Yankee Stadium. But the reason I changed my mind on the video was Jason Varitek's answer: "Besides Fenway, my favorite ballpark is Fenway because it's home." He starts off sounding like he's making a joke but then he gets to that last clause, his voice changes, and he sounds so sincere. It brought a little tear to my eye.

All Smiles.

Apparently, it's pick on Rocco Baldelli Day. What can you do?

Photos from today's workout:

Why is Jason Varitek smiling as he rounds third and heads for home? He's thinking about the ridiculousness of him being able to beat the throw to the plate if this were to happen in a game.

Mike Lowell is just happy to be Mike Lowell. Wouldn't you walk around with a similar expression on your face, if you had the great fortune to be Mike Lowell?

A twofer (because it's a thing of beauty.)

But when isn't David Ortiz smiling?

A baby-faced Dustin Pedroia can't keep it in.

Even the truly scary Julio Lugo can crack a smile.

It's a valiant effort, really. It's almost nearly close to being a smile. Good job Rocco!

Jason Varitek is Alive and Well and Living in Fort Myers.

It was not a pleasant off-season for Jason Varitek but he seems happy enough to be back.

It's Just a Little Crush.

Manny Delcarmen is absolutely thrilled that the Red Sox have re-signed Jason Varitek. According to Manny Del, Varitek is the backbone of the team and it would have been weird to be there without him. He is willing to admit that Varitek's hitting was not so hot last season (he expects that it will be better going forward) but he'd take him anyway.

And yay for me for getting the video to work!

Extra! Extra!

Watch more Welcome Back Kotter videos on AOL Video

I guess we're going with Welcome Back! This is, of course, coming from the guy who started the whole deadline is Saturday, er...no it's Friday, but you know the deal is so distasteful to Varitek that he might just be petulantly considering retirement stuff. According to Massarotti, Varitek has accepted the one year, one mutual option version of the contract offered to him. Heyman has him agreeing to two years.

Catching Up.

I was flipping through my old CDs today when I came across this song. It reminded me of Jason Varitek's current situation, so I thought I'd share. In case you've been living under a rock: on Sunday the news broke that the Sox had made a contract offer to Varitek, $5 million for 2009 and a mutual option for 2010. The offer came with the caveat that they needed to know by, at first the deadline was unknown, then it was Saturday, and now it seems to be either Thursday or Friday.

As the song says: And the lord of lords, he laid out a feast. He said "listen to me boys, this will be last one of these. So you better get to the table, get to the table on time."

Intrigue.

Jason Varitek has requested a meeting with the Sox brass in Atlanta. John Henry has flown down there to oblige him. What could it all mean?

I really would prefer if they had a catcher rather than a cardboard cut-out behind the plate but I'm not sure that Jason Varitek is the right answer. He is an answer and he might ultimately prove to be the best answer available but re-signing Varitek at a rate close to anything that he wanted (money and years) isn't likely to be the correct answer to the problem. Still, they're not a group that panics and makes rash decisions.

Meanwhile, Jarrod Saltalamacchia hasn't really hit in the majors, strikes out too much, can't seem to throw anyone out, and has issues blocking the plate. Miguel Montero is better defensively, doesn't strike out as often, but otherwise doesn't have much of a bat. And poor Georgie K. down in Pawtucket isn't likely to get much of a chance.

I suspect that the likely outcome of the meeting will be Varitek's return to Boston. But who knows?

Sox on the Town.

The other night (Thursday to be precise) Theo Epstein delivered the key note address at Enterprise Bank's Celebration of Excellence. As part of his speech, Epstein issued five points to a better business. They are: 1. Setting a clear standard. 2. Build a clear process. 3. Surround yourself with good people. 4. Focus on the big picture. And 5. Embrace your values. So there you have it, you too can run a business like Theo Epstein.

If you're willing to head down to the wilds of Worcester (I have a cousin who lives in Worcester and the street he lives on is not paved) tonight, you could catch a glimpse of Jason Varitek. Varitek will be appearing at the Y.O.U. ball at the DCU center. Y.O.U. is an organization that provides services and programs for at-risk youths.

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Yankee Stadium!

Since it seems less and less likely that the much maligned "Dougie and 'Tek Show" (you know that Dougie would demand and receive top billing) will ever come to fruition, I've reharnessed my creative energies to create "The 'Tek 'n' Eck Show." Which, if I do say so myself, is a very good title.

In the show, the two men bond over their mutual hatred of Yankee Stadium. They then proceed to get involved in a whole series of sitcom-y situations. In a classic take on "The Odd Couple" premise, their main shtick is that Eck flies off the handle at the slightest provocation-causing great amusement for the audience-and Varitek has to come in to calm him down and clean up the mess. In return, Eckersley teaches 'Tek to live life outside of baseball (obviously, filming would have to wait until after Varitek retires.) Eckersley would be effusive and bright; Varitek would nervously mumble his lines. And in the end we would all learn something about life, or friendship, or some such. It's comedy gold. And I'm sure Tom Warner is already all over it.

Bang-A-Rang!

It was certainly a good night for Red Sox players called Jason. Jason Bay and Jason Varitek both hit solo home runs in the second inning. Jason Bay also hit a two-run home run in the eighth.

So woot for a win (especially after the head-scratchingly bad performance yesterday)! My admiration for Jon Lester (which tends to fade between his starts) is back at full strength. And kudos to David Ortiz for knocking in Pedroia with a double and then using his stealth speed to score on a fielder's choice.

Happy Birthday El Capitan!

Today is Jason Varitek's thirty-sixth birthday. There is no doubt that he is vital to this team-witness the monumental collapse of 2006 when he was out with a bum knee for proof. Josh Beckett needed to learn to trust 'Tek when he first arrived. You feel as if, given the opportunity, he is capable of steering the S.S. Boston Red Sox safely to port every time. There's no worry with Jason Varitek: He's got everything under control.

What's more, he seems like a quiet, stoic, decent human being both between the lines and outside of them. He comes to the defense of his pitchers both physically (saving Bronson from Rodriguez) and verbally/emotionally (steadfastly defending Jon Lester's performance from two nights ago.) He gave out autographs for Halloween. He's always been closed off emotionally-hard to get a good read on-but more recently, he's shown a little bit of a goofy side; suggesting to Pedroia that he look into Nutrisystem after the dance competition, pranking the Josten's salesguy.

He's not much of a hitter and he started off the season with a mini-slump (I don't really think you can call it a slump if it's only a couple of games) but tore out of the gates up in Toronto. Hopefully, he can have a fabulous 2008.

Any way. Many happy and healthy returns to Jason Varitek.

Summer Reading List

In the Hartford Courant today there is a review of a couple of books about baseball. The book about the Bucky Dent game sounds like a really interesting read. That said, I don't think I could read it.

The author also mentions Tony Massarotti's book as having lots of information on "behind the scenes front, office machinations and dirt about players and management off the field..." Massorotti isn't my favorite Herald writer but it does sound like my kind of book. Plus, the forward was written by Jason Varitek.

Speaking of forwards, I was right. The forward to Mike Lowell's book, which I'm pretty sure comes out in May, was written by Josh Beckett.

Lowell and Varitek in Washington

After their visit with W, Lowell and Varitek answered some questions.

Lowell touched on a number of topics, starting with how much he enjoyed his visit today. He said that he thought that W was a funny guy, he spoke about why he re-signed with Boston, and said that he looking forward to next season. He really comes across as very suave.

Varitek also answered some questions. He talked about enjoying this trip more than the visit after 2004, appreciating the opportunity to visit the Walter Reed Hospital, and why the Red Sox are awesome. He doesn't come as suave as Lowell.

I don't know why they had Okajima standing between them. Maybe he answered some questions before the video started. He came across as very quiet.