Pa-hone-icks.

Gentlemen:

I don't think that I ask for too much; 162 wins a year, repeated World Series championships, perfect games, general feats of baseball greatness, and most importantly the dismantling of the Yankees. So I have a small favor to ask of you, if your grand scheme is to be like the phoenix and rise dramatically from the ashes of this disastrous season, could you please do it tonight? I've had a rough twenty-four hours topped off by spending the night in the ER with my mother (She's fine but given her familial history better safe than sorry) and I really need an evening to just veg out on the couch and be carefree. If you boys could do that for me, I'd be super-duper grateful.

Thanks in advance,
Liz