A Bundle of Joy?

In these press conference videos it's often hard to hear the questions asked but apparently one reporter at today's had an interesting theory about David Ortiz's slump. At 1:54 Francona responds to one of the questions "If he ends up pregnant on Tuesday, then we've got an issue." I guess that being pregnant would not be super helpful in trying to swing a baseball bat.

Happy Papi.

Undoubtedly, David Ortiz is going bad. And undoubtedly, I can't shake the belief that he will eventually right the ship. My inner Pollyanna is strong and I will cling to any strands of hope that I can find. He does, after all, have a three-game hitting streak going. I can't leave him for dead. And why would anyone want to when smiling, laughing David Ortiz is a sight to behold?

A Heads Up.

I decided a couple of months ago that if I just ignored half of what Kevin Youkilis does and says then I would like him just fine. And so far it's worked out well; I haven't been annoyed with him in quite awhile. But I'm breaking the rules today to pass along the information that Youkilis will be having brunch in Needham on July 25 to help raise money for teen suicide prevention programs. So, you know, be prepared for him to do or say something stupid soon--I have that kind of power.

The Mean Streets of Minneapolis.

This one may be a week old but it's still too good to let fall by the wayside. Babe-in-the-woods, Happy Masterson describing an evening out in Minneapolis:

"Went to eat at Applebee’s and a group of girls invited me to their table by buying me a water. I said "Thanks, but not thanks." Got hit on while I was walking by a gay bar and then as I turned the corner there was what seemed to be a homeless women trying to bum a smoke off me. Of course, I don’t carry cigarettes on my person, so I told her I didn’t and she then went on to give me the good game booty pat. That caught me off guard. And then she continued to speak in a bit of drunken stupor of how she wished that I was her man."

First off all, do they charge for water at Applebee's? Because if they don't (and really even if they do), Masterson's chickadees may want to work on their seduction technique. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that "Why don't you come over here? We've got water." has never been a successful come on.

Something Squirrely.

Michigan squirrels are an opinionated bunch. They're unpatriotic and, quite obviously, Detroit Tigers fans. For two innings one little guy attempted to distract JD Drew by dashing around in front of him but it was all for naught. Instead of being a distraction, the squirrel became a source of fun. Someone in the Red Sox dug out decided to point out that the squirrel wasn't much larger than Dustin Pedroia:

"I got made fun of pretty much half the game. Our hunting guys were out there licking their chops."

Perhaps if you were really, really hungry and there was no other option, squirrel meat might be the way to feed a starving stomach but it seems like it would be extremely gamey and tough. Also, short jokes: Not just for newspaper writers anymore.

Tyger, Tyger, Burning Bright/ In the Forests of Detroit

Apologies to William Blake. Try as I might I couldn't come up with a more creative riff on Detroit or Tigers. Though, if you say it with a working-class London accent, it almost rhymes.

Rick Porcello, who pitches tonight for Detroit, is seriously hot stuff. He throws strikes with both a four-seam and a two-seam fastball, a really good low to mid-eighties change-up, a curveball, and a slider. Right-handed batters have been pretty much useless against him. Lefties, meanwhile, haven't had huge amounts of success but at least they stand a chance. He doesn't get a lot of strike outs but he makes up for it with a lot of weak grounders. When he does leave the ball up, on occasion, he can be made to pay. The Yankees hit him up for six runs on six hits in 3.2 innings. Because he's up a little bit earlier than most expected (common thought was that he wouldn't be ready until the All-Star Break at the earliest) he is on a strict pitch count and other than Ryan Perry and Joel Zumaya, Detroit's bullpen isn't much to write home about. In other words: Go Rangers!

Armando Galarraga is the scheduled pitcher for Wednesday's game. Last year he put together a pretty good season but that success seems to have eluded him thus far. Of course, assuming last year was all luck (.247 BABIP) and that this year will be a regression to the mean might prove to be fatal as E6 has moved on to San Fransisco and their infield defense is much improved. He throws a slider and a fastball to right-handed batters. He gets strike-outs on the slider mostly by fooling the batter. He'll also throw a change-up to left-handed batters. But while he can, mostly, command the fastball and the slider, the change-up is a different story. He also continues to have a home run problem.

Dontrelle Willis is probably the probable pitcher for Thursday afternoon's game. He's made four starts since being activated from the disabled list: 1 good one, 1 not so-terrible-one, and 2 yeesh-that-wasn't-pretty ones. He's very hittable, more so to lefties than righties. But he did baffle Texas: 2 walks, 5 strike outs, 1 hit, over six and one-third of an inning.

Offensively, Placido Polanco and Magglio Ordonez *tilde implied* are really struggling. Apart from Miguel Cabrera, (surprisingly) Brandon Inge-who has settled in nicely at third base, and Curtis Granderson, you're not going to see a lot of power from the lineup. They don't run and they don't walk a lot. They also don't strike out in drastic numbers.

They don't score a ton of runs and so they're winning on pitching and defense. Edwin Jackson, freed from the clutches of Jim Hickey in Tampa, is having a stunning year. Justin Verlander is turning back into the Verlander that he was a couple of years ago. And they can go get the ball with the best of them.

Mea Culpa.

So, May was sort of a sleepy month around here. Hopefully, June proves to be more interesting.