Dustin Want a Cracker?

I've been working on this scheme wherein I kidnap Dustin Pedroia. (Obligatory short joke: He couldn't be that hard to subdue, right?) Nothing sordid, mind you. And not even really like Misery at all. I would simply bring him home and keep him there to say things that would amuse me--like a parrot. In the first few days of camp, he hasn't disappointed.

He told Edes yesterday:

"You know what I'm going to do this year? Bat fifth and DH. I'm waiting to tell Papi that second base is all his."

There are so may fantastic images in those three sentences that I don't even know where to start.

It's unlikely that he's concerned about an organizational shift in focus from hitting for power to defense. Holding court today and saying:

"Yeah, it kind of upsets me [when people talk about a lack of offense] but I really don't care what you guys think anyway."

and

"I don't even buy into that stuff. We have great pitching, we have great defense, and we have good offensive players. I don't even know what run prevention is. I'm kind of a baseball players. I don't know how to read very good. I don't know how to write very good. We just go play. We'll be fine."

You also don't know how to talk very good. But come on, think about it: Run. Prevention. There aren't too many things that that could mean.

And from the Edes:

"Look at Scutaro. He scored over one hundred runs last year. He was a pain in the butt. Cameron, he's going to hit a ton of home runs at Fenway.

And me, I'm going to have at least ten more hits this year, because that's how many Beltre took away from me."

Which of course sent me scampering to look up how he did against Seattle last year. He was 5-26 against Seattle but if he feels he should have been 15-26, more power to him.