Oriolitis.

What the hell was that? The ending was alright but the beginning? Bah. The beginning was terrible.

Hopefully, they're just trying to get all the suck out of them before they get to the play offs and they haven't contracted a severe case of Couldn't-pitch-tee-ball, otherwise known as Oriolitis (named after it's discoverer the recent Baltimore Orioles). The disease is slow progressing and they've been exhibiting an early symptom, Finds-grounding-into-double-plays-extra-fun, since early days. Unfortunately for a team hoping to win baseball games (as a team on the verge of making the post season would be looking to do), the prognosis for Oriolitis is not good. It's just not easy to do when you suffer from those symptoms.

So is there a cure? How does one overcome Oriolitis? Well, Eli Lilly is hard at work modifying E. Coli bacteria for injection but is yet to have any success against Oriolitis-it's quite virulent. The only known course of treatment is to go home and wait until next year and even that's not always effective.

So, fingers and toes crossed that they're just in a little funk right now and that when it really matters, they'll be able to get it together again.

The Not Ready for Primetime Pitchers.

Michael Bowden breezed onto the scene last year and did well. And maybe it's because of the Steve McQueen resemblance and the cute little accent or maybe because well-regarded pitching prospects have done well for the Sox or maybe because their names both start with B and so he was paired with Buchholz in Pawtucket and often mentioned in the same breath but regardless of how it came about expectations were high for Bowden this season. He has not met those expectations.

But that's not to say that he's useless. He has shown signs of being the pitcher he might very well become; he's k'd Jeter a couple of times, he was making some good pitches today and not getting the call. Mostly it's because throughout his minor league career Bowden has been a guy who's struggled right after a promotion before settling down (not that he doesn't battle bouts of inconsistency afterward). The kid has the mentality of a pit bull and he's not done yet.

Hunter Jones, meanwhile, came out gangbusters in April, hit a really rough patch in May, and hasn't been hugely successful in September but if he could get his control back, there would be something to like there.

Dustin Richardson could possibly be the most exciting of all of them. He was a starter until this year, he's not unhittable, and control can be an issue, but his strike out numbers are mind-boggling. In 10.2 innings at Pawtucket this year, he struck out 16.

Small Pleasures.

Maybe it was because I started the game on mute and didn't hear a single word of drivel from the FOX guys but I wasn't particularly disturbed by yesterday's game. And after Matsuzaka loaded the bases with nobody out and the Yankees got nothing? Well, I was perfectly fine with them losing because that was beautiful.

But boyos, do you remember back at the beginning of the season when you played the Yankees like a badly tuned fiddle? Remember running roughshod over them? Stealing home? Grand slams from Senor *tilde implied* Varitek and taking back a six run lead? Maybe you should try to channel that mojo this afternoon.

And as a side note: Victor, I love the enthusiasm but please don't hurt yourself.

Be Better Tomorrow.

I'm having a tough time deciding which is worse: losing to the Yankees or losing to the Royals. Losing to the Royals (except for Greinke) is pathetic. It takes talent to lose to the Royals--they're not a good baseball team and they shouldn't win games. Losing to the Royals is completely your fault (except for Greinke), especially when you give the game away.

The Yankees, on the other hand, are supposed to win games. It's not embarrassing to lose to the Yankees. The only problem is that you then have to deal with Yankee fans. I hate Yankee fans (smug, useless, boring people) but that's not news. Losing to the Yankees is probably worse.

And so we go back to the show tune shtick because it worked in the past. And I really don't want to have to deal with Yankee fans again until October (and preferably not even then). Thank you.

Confessions.

Yankee games turn me into a terrible, terrible person. Earlier today I was thinking that they should try to bounce some batted balls off of the Yankee pitchers. And then I had this amusing image in my head of Sabathia being unable to continue pitching because his fat wouldn't stop jiggling. Didn't really see it going the other way though. Apologies to Lester. Mea Culpa.

Also, Phil Hughes squatted behind the mound before he pitched, much in the way Daniel Bard does. I don't know if he also uses that time to pray but it shouldn't really matter because as I informed him through my television "God doesn't like you."

I feel better.

The Point is Probably Moot.

Ignore Beckett. In the background you can hear the sweet strains of Rick Springfield being creepy about his best friend's girlfriend. So here's my question: Who is the woman in her mid-forties masquerading as a ballplayer? And is he the one singing along (about 30 seconds in)? Because whoever he is he has a pretty good falsetto. These are things that I need to know.

Bird-Brained.

Well, Paul Byrd since the bullpen was so putrid last night it's all up to you. Sadly, you've drawn the unfortunate lot of having to face off against Greinke but somebody had to do it. Technically, it shouldn't be too hard to keep your team in the game--they're the Royals *knock wood* they don't score many runs. Hopefully, it doesn't suck too badly. Anyway, in your honor, I've been working on my puns all morning. (And I know that they're not all puns and I'm cool with it.)

1. Please don't lay an egg out there, Paul Byrd.

--or conversely--

2. Put up a row of goose eggs.

3. Pauley want a cracker? Don't suck and you can have one.

4. Paul Byrd: It's your tern. Don't waste it.

5. Paul Byrd: Robin the Royals.

and my personal favorite

6. Paul Byrd: Taking on Greinke and not chicken about it.

Forgive me.