Bird-Brained.

Well, Paul Byrd since the bullpen was so putrid last night it's all up to you. Sadly, you've drawn the unfortunate lot of having to face off against Greinke but somebody had to do it. Technically, it shouldn't be too hard to keep your team in the game--they're the Royals *knock wood* they don't score many runs. Hopefully, it doesn't suck too badly. Anyway, in your honor, I've been working on my puns all morning. (And I know that they're not all puns and I'm cool with it.)

1. Please don't lay an egg out there, Paul Byrd.

--or conversely--

2. Put up a row of goose eggs.

3. Pauley want a cracker? Don't suck and you can have one.

4. Paul Byrd: It's your tern. Don't waste it.

5. Paul Byrd: Robin the Royals.

and my personal favorite

6. Paul Byrd: Taking on Greinke and not chicken about it.

Forgive me.

When it Rains.

Congratulations gentlemen. You have found a new and particularly effective way to completely ruin a day. A day that didn't start out well but then you come home and the score is 6-0 and you think "This'll be fun." But then it's not fun. Not fun at all.

You do remember that you're playing the Royals right? And that other than a little bit of pitching they don't do really any elements of playing baseball well. Even John Smoltz beat the Royals.

I would say that it was a new low but the bullpen already lost one to the Royals on July 9. But that was somehow extra pathetic. And it may be time to start being concerned about Manny Del.

Or maybe it's Sean Casey's fault. They did lose two out of three to Seattle when he was in the booth.

Stymied.

I don't really know what to say about that game but it certainly seems like it deserves to have something said about it. It wasn't pretty--not the game and not the way I ended up watching it. Sat on the floor, sat on the couch. Turned the sound off, turned the sound back on again. Stomped around, grumbled a bit. Messed around on the computer, launched things at the television set.

Do you complain about the bullpen (specifically Justin Masterson and Manny DelCarmen) having a couple of bad nights seemingly in a row? Do you point out that when the bullpen is doing well, they're all do welling and when they suck, they all suck? Do you ignore that and say that John Smoltz looked pretty good? After having wailed about the lack of offense not all that long ago, do you comment on the fact that they were able to hit tonight? And do you cross your fingers that they'll be able to do it again tomorrow? (The hitting that is; I wouldn't want to see that kind of pitching again for awhile.) Do you congratulate JD Drew on that fan-freakin-tastic play? Do you write that Daniel Bard was good and Takashi Saito got the job done? Do you congratulate John Smoltz on his first AL win and Aaron Bates on his first major league hit?

Or do you not bother with any of it because they won and no matter how terrible, awful, no good, and very bad it was, in the end, that's all that really matters?

I Have a Large Supply of These.

I'm pretty sure that losing to the Kansas City Royals requires that the show tunes be brought out more quickly; it's something that needs to be nipped in the bud. Besides which, even though Justin Masterson might be highly offended by GodSpell (I think there are some religious-types who don't take kindly to it) it seems appropriate given that he was the losing pitcher.

I did briefly wonder if Masterson, being a soft-hearted soul, was trying to be kind to Ryan Freel after knocking him in the noggin trying to pick him off second earlier in the season when Freel was with Baltimore. I rejected that idea pretty quickly and decided instead that he should try to hit him again when he was throwing over to first base, for old times' sake.

I suppose that being tied with the Yankees isn't so bad. Winning thirteen out of fifteen (as the Yankees have done) isn't sustainable; they've got some losses coming to them and they're out to LA to meet the Angels. Having them sniff first place only to fall back is pretty good, too. But boyos: no more of this losing to the Royals. Got that?

Moment 3: Jon Lester Proves Me Wrong.

May 19. Kansas City at Boston.

I never really saw what was so special about Jon Lester. He was molasses and walked too many people. In fact, I recall thinking on the night of May 19 that I could tune into the House finale and only have missed an inning or so when I went back to the ballgame.

I must not have been paying close attention to the game because I didn't realize what was happening until the sixth inning. When I watch baseball on t.v. I run the sportsline scoreboard on the computer to keep an eye on all of the other scores, in the sixth inning of that ballgame I looked down at the clock to see if it was time to change the channel and it wasn't; it wasn't even close to 9:00. I refreshed the page a couple of times in disbelief and went so far as to open another box score to make sure it was right. And then? Then Jon Lester had my attention. The game actually ended before House was over and I could have watched most of the second half but I didn't.

It was either Remy or Orsillo that, at a later point in the season, said Lester was chameleon-like and the game he had thrown two starts previous to the no-hitter against Halladay had an incredibly positive influence on Lester, as Lester was being Halladay for that game. Perhaps they were right and it was Halladay's influence that set him straight. Regardless, at that point a new Lester seemed to exist. Obviously, people smarter than myself had seen what he could and would be long before I recognized it but my attitude toward Lester changed that night. Lester's starts went from being a chore to being something to look forward to. And I don't think I'm the only one.

So, for Jon Lester and his family, Terry and company, and what it meant to all of them, Jon Lester's no-hitter takes spot three.

Next Up: the Kansas City Royals.

Normally, a road trip to Kansas City isn't cause for concern. Normally, it's "Goin' to Kansas City. Kansas City, here I come." But the weather is supposed to be downright Floridian out there for the next couple of days. The Royals just split a series with the White Sox and are in a feisty mood (Olivo was hit by a pitch during today's game and picked a fight about it.) And the last time they played Boston it didn't go very well for them: Lester no-hit them in the first game of the series, Colon and Masterson both beat them, and in the final game of the series, the Royals pitching staff gave up two grand slams. It's not the perfect recipe for success for a team with the road-woes that the Sox have had.

Throwing tomorrow is Gil Meche (and Clay has his work cut out for him.) Meche throws a nice low-nineties sinker that gets a lot of ground ball outs. He also comes back with a decent fastball to get a lot of strike outs. Command has been an issue in the past but the walks are down this season. He pitched well against the Sox on May 20. In seven innings, he gave up only two runs on five hits. He walked only two but struck out eight. Interestingly, his most recent outing (against Oakland) had the exact same pitching line. Lefties and righties hit him about evenly but he walks more righties. He seems to start out strong but then start to become fatigued deeper into the game.

Brian Bannister takes the ball in the second game of the series. He throws a low nineties fastball, a really good high eighties cutter, and a big, swooping curve ball. Command and, consequently, walks have been a problem for him. If his command isn't spot on, he becomes hittable. He threw against the Sox on May 22. He gave up seven runs on twelve hits (including a grand slam to JD Drew-Lowell also hit a grand slam in the game off Gobble.) Lefties have hit him at a .300 clip and righties have gotten to him for an average of .274.

Luke Hochevar took the loss in Lester's no-hitter. He pitches on Wednesday. He's a big righty rookie who throws a mid-nineties four seam fastball and a low-nineties sinker. He is also in possession of a low-eighties change up, a curve ball, and a slider. His curve ball is his best breaking pitch and he uses the slider as his out-pitch. At the start of the season he was walking a lot of guys, giving up quite a few hits, but also getting a lot of strike outs. Lately, it seems that the walks and strike outs are down but he's still getting hit. Against Boston, on May 19, he went six innings and gave up seven runs on five hits (including a two-run home run to Jason Varitek.) In that outing he walked six and struck out two. From what we saw of him he seems to be pretty easy to run on-Pedroia stole second and Ellsbury later stole second and third in the same Pedie at bat. Lefties have a grand old time against him but he's not too shabby for righties to hit either.

Starting short stop Tony Pena, while a pretty good pitcher, is having a dismal season at the plate. But they still seem to be running him out there despite the fact that their backup short stop, Mike Aviles, is possibly their best hitter (for what it's worth, he's not so hot defensively.) David Dejesus also swings a nice bat for them. Mark Grudzielanek, gold-glove-winner and maker-of-few-errors at second base, and Joey Gathright, stealer-of-bases and outfield-assisting-centerfielder, are on the disabled list. Jose Guillen leads the team with fifteen home runs and Alex Gordon is behind him with twelve. Alex Gordon has a team-leading nine errors at third base.

Bannister v. Matsuzaka (Game 50)

Watching Daisuke pitch is headache-inducing. He throws one hundred and eighteen pitches but only makes it five and two-thirds of an inning into the ballgame. He gives up three runs on six hits. He strikes out seven but walks six batters. And he gets the win. I don't know how he does it.

Lopez came in to finish off the sixth inning for Daisuke. He seems to have tapped into Jason Varitek's ability to will his goals into being achieved. While Varitek decides to become a two-time champion, Lopez devotes his mental powers to playing mind games with me. He came into the game with two outs and a runner on second to face the leftie Gordon. And for the second time in three days, he did his job. He got the strike out on four pitches. I want to like Lopez (after all, he's certainly not a bad looking guy.) I want to trust that he'll be able to get his outs. With his history of being unable to do that, however, it's hard to think he's turned a corner. But maybe this time, though.

Hansen came out for the seventh inning and didn't have the best of luck. He gave up a homerun to the first batter he faced. He walked the second batter and gave up a double to the third batter that allowed the runner to score. He got two of his outs (on a fly out and a pop out) before he walked another batter. Luckily for him, he got the last batter to ground out to first to get himself out of there.

Aardsma came out for the eighth inning and it wasn't as bad as it seemed. I swear. It's not just because I've decided to back him. It wasn't. Yeah, he gave up the homerun but he didn't walk anyone! A definite plus! And he didn't hit anyone! Even better! He got the first batter to strike out. To the next batter he gave up a single, that Pedroia very nearly had. Then he gave up another single, which Cora (who was a defensive replacement for Lugo) very nearly had for the force out at second and could possibly have been a double play ball. Unfortunately for him, neither of those defensive plays were possible but he did get the next batter to fly out to right. Then he gave up the homerun to bring everyone home and cut the Sox lead to three. He did get the last batter to strike out, though.

Papelbon came out for the ninth. He got two ground outs to start the inning. Then he gave up two singles before getting the last batter to fly out to left.

The Red Sox got the hitting started in the second inning. Manny got a single. Lowell got a single. Youkilis got a single. And then JD Drew sidled up to the plate. With no outs, he watched the first pitch sail past his knees for a strike. The next two pitches came in low and away. The fourth pitch he saw was still away but a little too high and he nudged it foul. The next one, though, while still away was just the right height. He started his beautiful swing, put good contact on the ball, and shot it up over the wall for the grand slam. He returned to the dugout all smiles.

They scored another run in the third inning. With two outs, Lowell hit a ground ruled double to right. Youkilis then got a single and Lowell came around to score.

In the sixth inning they got themselves some more runs. Drew got a single to start things off. Cash got a single and Drew moved over to third. Lugo hit a sacrifice fly and Drew came in. Ellsbury walked. Pedroia got a double to bring in Cash. With Ellsbury on third and Pedroia on second, Ortiz popped out for the second out of the inning. Unlike Joe Girardi, they decided to walk Manny, which brought Mike Lowell to the plate. The first pitch thrown to him was too high and too far inside. The next one was still inside but was much lower. It was just about knee high, in fact. Mike Lowell whacked at the ball and it skimmed just over the top of the wall for the second grand slam of the game.

Lastly, regarding Lugo's baserunning miscues: they weren't all that bad, either. He was caught stealing in the second and called out at home in the fourth. In the second, he had reached via a single. Twice the pitcher unsuccessfully tried to pick him off but he was just unlucky on the pitch he decided to actually run on. The pitch which was, presumably, supposed to be a strike ended up being close to a pitch out and Lugo just wasn't fast enough to beat the throw. In the fourth, there were two outs when he was standing on second. It's true that Lugo had very little chance of making it home a single to right that didn't leave the infield and Mills probably shouldn't have waved him around but the batter was Ortiz. Ortiz was not going to make it safely to first and the inning would have been over. The only chance to keep the inning going was to take the chance of sending Lugo and hoping that the throw to home was off. It wasn't and he was out but it was certainly a risk (if you could call it that) worth taking.

Tomko v. Colon (Game 49)

That was a nice, solid performance by Colon. It was probably the best one could hope for going into the game. He went five innings and threw seventy-four pitches. He gave up two runs on six hits but struck out four. And although he did walk two, his command of his fastball was nearly impeccable. He was moving around the strike zone with confidence-left, right, up, down, it didn't matter. He put the ball where Varitek wanted it to go.

Hansen was the first reliever out of the 'pen. He threw ten pitches for a strong 1-2-3 sixth inning. He struck out the first batter and then got two ground outs. Lopez came out to pitch the seventh inning and saw four batters in the process of getting his three outs. I really felt quite bad for teasing him yesterday when he walked the first batter he faced. He came back to get the next batter to strike out looking so I didn't feel as rotten. He got a ground out and a swinging strike out to end the inning cleanly.

The next guy summoned from the bullpen was Manny Del. Delcarmen faced three batters for his three outs and got a fly out and two ground-outs. Timlin pitched the ninth and started off well. He got two quick outs: one on a fly out and the other on a bad bunt bid that he fielded well. But then he walked the next batter and gave up a single to the batter after that, that brought in another run for the Royals. He finally got the last batter to fly out to right.

As for offense they were able to put up some nice numbers in support of Colon. Ellsbury was on top of things right out of the gate-hitting a homerun in his first at bat. They didn't score again until the fifth inning when Varitek answered with a homerun of his own. After which Coco got a double, moved over to third on a wild pitch, and scored on a single by Lugo. Ellsbury and then Pedroia both got hits of their own to load the bases. Ortiz hit a sacrifice fly to center and Lugo came around to score. After which, Ellsbury came around to score on a wild pitch before Manny struck out swinging. They picked up another run in the seventh inning. Ellsbury got a single and then stole second before Pedroia got a single that brought him home. And that was it for runs.

They continue to have a problem with leaving men on base. There were eight men left on base in this game, including leaving the bases loaded in the eighth. They also hit into two doubles plays (thankfully, neither one of them involved Lugo.)

Meche v. Masterson (Game 48)

Another feel good win tonight. Justin Masterson seems like one of the sweetest, kindest people on earth and as a reward for being such a good person, you want him to do well-especially after he performed so well last time only to have the bullpen blow it for him. You hope for only good things for him. But, being unable to leave well enough alone, I worry for him. Much in the same way that I worry about Papelbon being too intense and burning himself out, my fear for Masterson is that the life of a ballplayer might be too rough for his gentle nature. After all, baseball players generally aren't known as the most wholesome of creatures. And while he was dressed as if he was headed out on a Mormon mission after the game, he did give a good post-game presser. Through out, I couldn't help but think: Kid talks a lot. I suppose I should just leave the worrying about him to people who actually know him and will be able to keep him centered. He pitched well today and seemed happy with the result so who am I to spread my mother hen wings and enfold him-he can probably fend for himself.

He went six and one third of an inning, over which he threw ninety-one pitches. He walked three and struck out five. He did give up three hits but they were all to Alex Gordon-the only Royals hitter to figure out what to do against him. He was charged with a run. Before he was done in the seventh inning he walked a batter who would come around to score while Manny Delcarmen was pitching.

The first pitcher to relieve Masterson, though, was Lopez. Perhaps I'm just really easy to impress or maybe I have low expectations of him, but I was impressed with Lopez tonight. He was brought in to face a lefty and got him out. Not only did he get the out without walking a couple of batters first, but it wasn't a fly out, a ground out, or a foul out that erased the hitter but an honest-to-goodness strike out looking.

With two down Delcarmen was brought in to finish off the seventh inning. The first thing that Manny Del did was give up a single that brought in the Royals only run. He did get a swinging strike out to end the inning.Okajima was brought out for the eighth inning and seemed to have a little bit of trouble. He gave up a lead off double but got the second batter to ground out. He walked a batter, got a strike out, and walked another batter to load the bases before they went with Papelbon for the last four outs.

Papelbon finished off the eighth with a swinging strike out. He came back out for the ninth and got the first batter to ground out-it was a very nice play by Youkilis that kept it from going as a hit. He then got the next two batters to strike out swinging to end the game and get Masterson the win.

The Sox only needed two runs to win the game, which was good because that was all they scored. In the second inning, Lowell started things off by striking out. Youkilis and then Drew both hit singles to center. Varitek walked to load the bases. Lugo hit a sacrifice fly that brought in Youkilis. Then, Coco picked up a ground-ruled double and an RBI as Drew scored. The Red Sox just had a really hard time hitting Meche-they managed to collect only five hits while striking out ten times and walking only twice.

Hochevar v. Lester (Game 47)

(I like the symmetry with Jacoby in this picture.)

Lester pitched one hell of a game last night. He really had dominant stuff-he was all over the strike zone, changed speeds well, and his command (which had been improving by leaps and bounds over the past couple of games) was pretty much spot on. All of which resulted in him striking out nine on his way to the no-hitter. Last night, you could see what Francona and Farrell had seen in him from the start.

The moon and the stars have to line up perfectly for anyone to throw a no-hitter and the situation was no different for Lester. There have been two things that John Farrell has been publicly harping on Jon Lester about this season-getting ahead of batters and working at a less glacial pace. I suppose it's a testament to the genius of Farrell that when Lester managed to do both of those things simultaneously, he tosses a no-hitter. Of the twenty-nine batters he faced, twenty of them were greeted with first-pitch strikes. But, to me, one of the most impressive things about this game was that it ended in exactly two hours and thirty minutes. I could have caught the last half of the season finale of House after watching a complete Jon Lester start. Amazing.

Offensively, the Red Sox were also struggling to get hits. They had a big offensive push in the third inning. Both Drew and Varitek singled. Lugo then hit into a double play that brought in Drew. Ellsbury tripled. Pedroia walked and then stole second. Ortiz walked to load the bases and then Manny walked to knock in a run. Then Lowell reached on an error (props to Ortiz for still running when the ball looked all but caught) that knocked in two more runs. Youkilis then got a ground-ruled double that brought in Manny before Drew flied out to end the inning.

The only other man to be left on base was Ellsbury in the fourth inning. He walked. Then stole second and then stole third but didn't get any further. Varitek topped off an impressive performance by hitting a two-run homerun in the sixth inning (Drew stood on first after having been hit by a pitch.)

Also, Don Orsillo requests cash for his birthday (December 16). You can send it to him care of NESN (but don't ask for the address because he doesn't know it.)

Next Up: the Kansas City Royals.

Monday's pitcher for the Royals is Luke Hochevar. In the five starts of his rookie season, Hochevar is three and two. He's also only once gone fewer than six innings. He throws a four-seam fastball in the mid-nineties and a sinker in the low-nineties. He has a low eighties changeup, a curveball, and a slider. He's mostly a sinkerball pitcher. His best breaking pitch is his curveball but he uses his slider as his out-pitch. If he's on, he gets quite a few strike outs but he also induces a lot of ground outs. (He's only given up two homeruns this year.) He does occasionally have problems with his control.

Scheduled to go Tuesday against Masterson is Gil Meche. Meche is also a sinkerball pitcher. His sinker sits in the low-nineties. He also throws a mid-nineties fastball, a hard slider, a curveball, and a change-up. He has the ability to ring up hitters but has, historically, struggled with his command.

Wednesday's pitcher facing Colon is Brett Tomko. Tomko throws both a four-seam fastball and a two-seam fastball in the nineties. He has vastly improved his curveball and he's got a good changeup. In the past, if things have started to go wrong for him, he's had trouble putting it behind him and just getting on with the pitching. He's also had issues with completely losing the strike zone at times but he's cut down on the walks this year.

The last pitcher that the Royals plan on fielding is Brian Bannister. He has a fastball in the low-nineties, a very good cutter in the high eighties, and a looping curveball. He has worked on his command (and improved it) but because he's not over powering if he's not on, he can get in real trouble.

Their best hitter is probably the catcher Miguel Olivo. Mark Grudzielanek is their second biggest power threat. Alex Gordon, Mark Teahan, Billy Butler, and David Dejesus are also good hitters.