This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things.

I really don't know what to say boyos. I go away on a nice little (well-deserved, I think) vacation and at the request of my traveling companion "Give the baseball a rest" and everything goes to hell.

It's raining. My traveling companion is asleep. I'm flipping through the channels and stop on Fox to see a terrible play out in left and think: What the hell was that? Then they zoom in (and play it over and over again from various angles) and Youkilis is gamely trying to play out there. Again: What the hell?

So, Smoltz was DFA'd. Lowrie is now on the DL. They've picked up Chris Woodward. Apparently last night's game was fifteen innings long. And most annoyingly, they've lost the first two games of the series to the Yankees. Blah.

I May Need to Stop Going to the Movies.

Including today, I've gone to the movies four times since the baseball season began; on three of those days the Sox lost their game and I'm fairly certain that they didn't lose on the other occasion only because they didn't have a game to play. [Aside: Orphan isn't too bad. It's not fabulous but it is creepy. And the makeup at the end is very impressive.]



I'm not entirely ready to jump on the John Smoltz is done train. (It may just be because I tend to be very contrary.) They think he's fine and I don't suppose I'm in any place to disagree with them. I suppose any of the team's other pitchers would have had a good chance of getting the loss it the offense only managed to get two runs for them. Blah.

Meh.

That was certainly not what I was hoping for and from the genuinely pissed off look on John Smoltz's face, it seems like it wasn't what he was hoping for either. But it's hard to get too worked up about it. They won the series, that's what mattered. Even the Nationals aren't so terrible as to not run into a win every once in awhile. Time to move on to Atlanta and Jurrjens (whom they just saw), Vazquez (whom they saw often enough in Chicago), and the red-headed stepchild (not really but he is ginger) Hanson and an offense that doesn't do much.

Won't Be Fooled Again.

So looking at the thumbnail of this video, my first thought was: Good God. What did John Smoltz do to his hair?

Yesterday Smoltz participated in the golf part of Wake/Tek's Pitching in for Kids charity extravaganza. He likes to do charity work and he likes Tim Wakefield. He does not yet know when he will be pitching but he's looking forward to it. Also, there may be some sort of battle royale in the works between Mikey Lowell and John Smoltz for the role of team smart-aleck.

Up on Smoltz.

So John Smoltz pitched last night in Manchester, New Hampshire and I didn't go because 1: I thought the game was in Portland, Maine and 2: I assumed that his start on Sunday would also be with Portland and would be down in Norwich, CT. A Sunday afternoon game in Conn sounded much more doable than a scramble to Portland after work on a Tuesday. But as it turns out, his Sunday start will be down in North Carolina and as much as I'd like to see John Smoltz pitch in a minor league stadium, I don't think it's likely that I'll be flying down there. I suppose Pawtucket is an option but I'm not a big fan of McCoy--it's sort of like an operating theater. It's not a big deal, I guess.

Anyway, meat of the post:

Smoltz was pleased with the way things went overall. The slider was disappointing but his splitter and change up were satisfactory. Smoltzie claims that he was still just practicing and not really playing the game. There's still a little more rust to shake off but once he gets into the competitive spirit of the game, things will be sharper.

There are naysayers, however. A couple of nameless scouts felt that he might not be in any shape to make a difference come June. Said one:

"He's not the John Smoltz we all know and love, that's for sure. That fluid arm action he had, it's kind of restricted. He's kind of pushing the ball. You could see the shoulder is not 100 percent.

His velocity was 87 to 90 mph. He still throws five decent pitches. But he's probably a fourth starter at this point unless his arm speed and fluidness comes back and his velocity takes a jump."

We shall see.

I also thought this picture of Mark Wagner, not entirely certain if he's allowed to smack Smoltz's ass, all kinds of adorable.

Programming Alert.

There's this gal who hosts a slew of programs on the Travel Channel called Samantha Brown. Brown, a New Hampshire-ite, is bubbly, humorous, and bordering on adorable. She also has a seemingly fabulous job. She gets to go to all sorts of exotic places, stay in fabulous hotels, and eat in expensive restaurants. Last September, she hosted a program called Samantha Brown's Great Weekends: Atlanta. As part of the show she got a pitching lesson from John Smoltz.

Says Brown of the John Smoltz experience:

"Its a little nerve racking when we do things like this -- meeting big time sports celebrities while having to learn to pitch which is considered one of the most difficult actions in all of sports -- or is that hitting a baseball? Yeah, I think I have that wrong. Hitting a baseball is more difficult than pitching ... tell that to my right arm.

John Smoltz turns out to be a gentle giant and because of the camps he runs himself for kids he's able to teach me pretty quickly."

The program re-airs this morning at 9:00 am.

Polka!

I'm not good at surprises. I'll read spoilers. I'll look for Christmas gifts. I'll read the end of a book before the beginning. So when NESN tells me that tomorrow they're going to reveal what instrument John Smoltz played as a child I feel the need to investigate. You've got to figure that it's interesting or different (lots of ballplayers play guitar and that wouldn't be a big deal) and it's a doozy. John Smoltz, at least according to this report, is a virtuoso accordionist!

I Guess the Shoulder is OK.

John Smoltz's reputation proceeds him. And, as it turns out, it might not be an exaggeration.

On January 25, Smoltz (and teammate Julius Erving) won Michael Jordan's Celebrity Invitational golf tournament. This is the second time that Smoltz was part of the winning team at the event--he tied for first place in 2004 when he was partnered with Angie Everhart. He tied for second place last year. As his prize he received $20,000 which he donated to the Kings Ridge Christian School in Alphretta, GA. I suspect that the school was the one he mentioned having built when he discussed his love of Atlanta. Overall, the event raised $150,000 for charity.

Whoever put the team of Johnny Damon and Roger Clemens together must have a cruel sense of humor.

Things That Make You Go Hmmm.

I know that all teams have idiotic, inarticulate fans. Fans who talk/type just to hear/see themselves talk/type. And I know that the folks who post on the MLB boards are only slightly above the people who bother with the Fox Sports boards. If it seems that the Yankees have more than their fair share of moronic fans, then well that might just be bias on my part. Generally, it's not an idiocy worth noting. Generally. But this (from the comment section of the John Smoltz article):

"Ha! Yanks shop at Macy's. Sawx shop at Wal-Mart."

is beyond perplexing.

Let's just start by ignoring the fact that Smoltz has never been a "Wal-Mart" pitcher. [Aside: I would say he's at least a Filene's pitcher.] Macy's is the highest-end store this person could think of? Really? Macy's? Really? If you stick to just department stores both Lord and Taylor and Nordstrom offer a better product than Macy's. Hell, within Federated you've got the chichi Bloomingdale's. It boggles. It really does.

But Wait! There's More.

John Smoltz is apparently willing to become this season's Bartolo Colon. After spending twenty years in Atlanta, Smoltz will likely sign with the Sox as early as tomorrow afternoon. It will be strange to see him in anything other than a Braves uniform. The Sox do meet the Braves in Interleague this season--three games at Fenway (June 19-21) and three games at Atlanta (June 26-28)--which would make it even stranger.

After pitching 200+ innings in the previous three seasons, Smoltz had surgery on his right labrum on June 10 of last year. They don't expect him to be ready to play again until next June. He wants to be a starter but he did close for the Braves from 2001-2004. If he can return to form, wow.

And you thought Theo was sulking in his bedroom like a sullen teenager after missing out on Teixeira, Nirvana on the stereo, practicing CMaj-amin-FMaj-GMaj(7)-CMaj and GMaj-emin-CMaj-DMaj(7)-GMaj for Saturday. Didn't you?

Also, Smoltz's son is the spitting image of him--in profile anyway. There's little call for a Maury Show appearance with that nose leading the way.