Brush Up Your Shakespeare.

It's been awhile since we've played this game but when you've just been seriously embarassed, it might be time to reconsider the whole baseball as a profession thing. Never fear though, I'm here to help guide these men to more appropriate professions.

(Programming note: Like the last time we played, I will only be covering the Americans--and Xander Bogaerts because I'm under the impression that he had a more middle class upbringing--because then you get into a discussion of poverty and opportunity and that's just a drag. Also, I'll be ignoring our Japanese friends because I really don't know anything about them.)

Mike Napoli: I'd suggest bartending for Nap. He seems like an easy going guy, who likes people. Not a dive bar or a club or some ultra-hip place, but a little laid back bar on a beach, something out of a Jimmy Buffet song, seems appropriate.

Stephen Drew: This one stumped me for a long time. The obvious answer when you think of a Drew is preacher or missionary or something in that vein, and as the fun Drew, I just don't see that for Stephen. What I finally settled on was art restorer. He's got good hands and he's got a good eye and it's a quite job where he wouldn't be too put upon by the outside world.

Dustin Pedroia:The answer to the question, 'What would Dustin Pedroia be if he wasn't a baseball player?' seems to inevitably be...a baseball player. But if forced to choose, I think that he might do well in the world of non-profit fundraising. Find a cause he supports and throw all of his energy into charming people into giving up their cash.

Xander Bogaerts: He's a good-looking kid but not too good-looking. He's polite and well-spoken. He's charming. I think that a career in politics is definitely in the cards for him.

Mookie Betts: Elvis impersonator. If it turns out that he can't sing, we'll let him off the hook since he's from Tennessee and give him a job as a tour guide at Graceland.

Jonny Gomes: The first thing I thought was survivalist but that's not a job. Then I thought ex-military, former Green Beret, but that's a title and not a job that one can take up in their mid-thirties. So, because he seems to care greatly about the well-being of others and little about his own, I landed on firefighter.  And I could see that.

Jackie Bradley Jr.: Bradley Jr. seems like a smart kid but perhaps a little cautious--not the type to run into a burning building for fun. So, I've dropped him in finance and made him a banker. Not in the go-go world of Wall Street but in a large investment house managing pension funds.

Daniel Nava: He's a hard-worker and he's dedicated. He's calm and understanding. He doesn't flip out (at least I don't ever recall an instance of Daniel Nava flipping out). I see an elementary school teacher in Nava.

Brock Holt: Brock Holt could do anything he put his mind to. (Also, I don't know anything about him so I can't think of anything for him.)

A.J. Pierzynski: Pierzynski seems to have a clear idea of right and wrong. He doesn't seem to be afraid of anyone. He cuts an imposing figure. I think that he'd do well as a cop.

David Ross: Soft spoken and self-effacing. Seems like a good-listener. Experience dealing with lunatics and obsessives. I think that David Ross would make a fine psychologist.

Shane Victorino: I'd put Victorino on television but he talks way too fast but he might be able to find work as a radio show host.

Will Middlebrooks: I don't want to seem mean, he seems like a sweet boy, but he's just too dumb to have a job, so I'll go with unemployed.

Jon Lester: Jon Lester doesn't seem to like people or to like dealing with people or really to want to have anything to do with people. I think that he could learn computer coding and his lack of social graces wouldn't be such a problem in his new career as computer programmer.

Clay Buchholz: Clay has really long fingers and may have missed his calling as a concert pianist. I don't know about taking up piano this late in life, so if that didn't work out--I'd think that large hands would be beneficial to a mechanic.

John Lackey: Mime. Really this would be a service to the world because John Lackey should have a job where he is prohibited from ever speaking.

Jake Peavy: If there was anyone on this team that fit into the mold of a preacher, it would have to be Jake Peavy. He seems so very enthusiastic, it's hard not to want to follow him. I don't know where he fits on the God scale from say a Masterson to a Pedroia but if religion isn't his thing he could always be a salesman.

[Skipping Brandon Workman and the rest of the 'pen to get to]

Craig Breslow: It seems pretty clear at this point that Craig should have stuck with medicine.