Out(s)! What a Nice Word.

Alright Andrew Miller. It would appear that you are the last great hope. But these aren't the Padres you're facing, these are the mighty Pirates. And so as we do in all times of great distress here at The View From 312 Feet (I really don't like my title), we turn to the world of musical theater for advice and inspiration. Today we learn from Sweet Charity that you need to "Get up, get out(s), and do it!"

Something Better.

Saturday night monster movies are a tradition in my house. It's impressive how many movies I've seen about giant spiders or dinosaurs crossed with crocodiles or radioactive bats. Generally, the creatures are the product of irresponsible, greedy scientists (it's almost enough to make you distrust the scientific community) and almost always come with the moral to not be irresponsible or greedy, don't genetically modify or radiate or cross-breed animals in the hopes of creating super creatures, and, for goodness sake, leave the weather alone.

Last night's premier was called Swamp Shark. And much like the title indicates, it was about a particularly nasty shark that got into a swamp--I believe as the result of greed, although I'm not entirely sure what the sheriff was up to. The basic premise is that the shark starts eating people and then they have to kill it to keep it from eating more people.

Normally, I keep my love of cheesy creature features locked up tight, out of public view. Tonight's movie, however, featured something that required outing myself. Playing the role of Deputy Stanley was Mr. Wade Boggs. I wouldn't begrudge the man a job but it just seemed like it ought to be mentioned.


Now, it's not Boggs' first dramatic turn: he did have very strong feelings about Pitt the Elder on The Simpsons. Clearly the man is a star because despite having only two and a half scenes, he gets a credit in the titles.




His role consists almost entirely of first arresting the big dude and then guarding him while he's in the cell. And how's this for dedication to the role? Despite the movie being set in Louisiana (or somewhere very close to Louisiana with all the talk of bayous) Wade is the only actor who attempts any sort of an awkward southern accent. The conversation he has with the big dude when he's in the jail cell is clever though: it turns out that the big dude (I don't even know if he had a name and I stopped watching it ten minutes ago) used to be a professional football player. So Deputy Stanley tells him that he used to play football too, only it turns out that it was high school football, his team nearly went to the State competition, and he was only a backup.

For this role, Wade shows a wide range of emotions:


Confusion


Wariness


Concentration


Panic at being choked (And who hasn't wanted to, if not choke Wade Boggs, at least inflict some sort of pain on him? Big dude got to punch him too.)

Swamp Shark. Check it out. But if you're only watching it to see Wade Boggs, you could skip the first hour and a half.

Short Reactionary Post.

What a stupidly annoyingly frustrating horrible team. Seriously boys? That's the best you can do? They're the freaking Pirates! That was just terrible. Blech.

Rain.

(Getty Images)

I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand--
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.

--Shel Silverstein.

Everytime I Got Up to Pitch I Said A Hail Mary.

I had thought that if I slept on it, I wouldn't feel like posting this. But since I'm still bummed about last night and nicknames are slippery things, it's best to do it before I start calling him Freddy more permanently. Plus who knows *knock wood*, maybe he won't screw up again for the rest of the season and it would be an opportunity lost.

So the World May Hear.

(AP Photo)

Jed may be headed out to California to have his shoulder examined but first he took some time today to help with the Starkey Hearing Foundation Boston Red Sox Hearing Mission at Fenway Park. The mission passed out more than sixty hearing aids to patients.

Home Coming.

Tonight, in his capacity of first base coach for the Padres, Dave Roberts returns to Fenway. It might not have been his home for long but it certainly was an important stop along the road for him. Welcome back.

Also, coaching tonight for the Padres is former Sox shortstop Glenn Hoffman. So welcome back to him too.