Diversifying Operations.

Major League Baseball is a business. That's what they all say, right? It exists to make rich old men richer. We all get that. But what do you do when you've cut expenses and your revenue streams are tapped out? You branch out and forge new revenue streams, engage in new operations; the most successful corporations do it. My best guess is that MLB has taken on a contract from some (not being political) nefarious government to engage in a sleep deprivation study; with the specific purpose of finding out how long a subject takes to crack while being subjected to indirect stressors and deprived of sleep.

Currently on their website, MLB is seeking volunteers for the study by advertising a Dream Job. The description of which details a position where the subject/employee will watch every baseball game played during the 2011 baseball season and blog about it. The subject/employee will "literally follow baseball non-stop, as you will be charged with watching every single game of the 2011 season, blogging about all your thoughts and opinions, and discussing the hottest topics in baseball." Among the qualifications are strong writing skills, creativity, and being a baseball expert. They do fail to mention that the candidate will need to be able to operate a time machine.

On more days than not, there are fifteen baseball games that the subject would be required to watch with enough attention to be able to form an opinion on said game. Even if we assume that by cutting out all of the commercial breaks and pitching changes and catcher visits to the mound that the game could be compressed down to a crisp two hours, that's still thirty hours of baseball to watch in generally less than twenty-four hours. It sounds like a quick way to burn out on baseball and kill any joy that the subject originally had in the game which lead them to apply for such a position.

I do enjoy their correct usage of 'literally', though. It makes me happy.

You're Turning Violet, Victor!

Or: Do you see what playing for Detroit has done to Victor?

Or: Something clever about Avatar.

Or: Something about the photographer's blue period.

(Getty Images)

I had thought that the portraits taken on photo day at Red Sox camp were boring. Then I went searching for photos of Victor Jose and came across this and was glad for the gray seamless. I do kind of hope that this is the series they choose to use on scoreboards because how could I not?

Let Them Eat Cake.

(Getty Images)

Nate Spears isn't a prospect on the top of everyone's list but that doesn't mean he's not tops to somebody. Spears is a native Southwest Floridian and his grandparents still reside (I suppose when you start out in Florida, there's really nowhere to retire to) in the area. So with their grandson in the area it makes sense that they would stop by to visit him and being good grandparents it only makes sense that they would bring a little treat with them. Grandma Spears came bearing Red Velvet cake during her visit. I want someone to bring me cake at work. I love cake.

Plaigarism or Something Similar.

I don't remember my Covelli being much of a soundbite machine during his time in Boston. There's nothing wrong with that, of course. The quick witted-ness and cleverness required to be, say, Dustin Pedroia doesn't come naturally to everyone.

So it must seem easier when someone asks you for something soundbite worthy to just lay claim to something someone else, say Dustin Pedroia, said. My Covelli did an interview that appeared in The Thrillist San Francisco today. When asked about his weirdest teammate, he responded:

"Obviously I'm gonna say Manny Ramirez. What's funny about him, if Manny likes something, he'll take that one line and say it throughout the day. Like I'll say "It's gonna be a laser show today, get your goggles on," and then he'll just keep saying [Crisp starts using really thick Dominican accent] "Everbody put goggles on. It's going to be laser show."

Which, you know, sounds really familiar.

Crocodile JD.

Close Enough.

(AP Photo)

JD Drew is an all business, humor-less stick-in-the-mud. At least, that's what he'd like you to think. He accidentally let his guard down today with Pete Abe by telling him the story of the time he nearly went alligator hunting. Which really how you not think of this?

Wax On.

(Reuters Pictures)

There's an interesting piece in the Hartford Courant today about Jason Varitek and Jarrod Saltalamacchia; not so much for the things Saltalamacchia says (although if you want to hear what he says 'EEI has some audio) but for what 'Tek has to say.

On building trust with a pitcher:

"It comes with proving you can be relied upon day after day. It may take ten games, it may take fifty or a hundred, but Salty's going to be a good catcher for us. I believe in him as a player."

Let's hope that it doesn't take one hundred games for the pitchers to be comfortable with him or even fifty because that's a long time. But that's got to be nice to hear.

Kids Today.

I had recently thought that Jacoby Ellsbury might be turning into a hipster doofus; he seemed to have the self-important thing down and also that pathetic trying too hard thing. It seemed to be a label that fit. I would have been confident in saying that he could drop an 'über' in conversation without blinking. It turns out, though, that he may only be a faux hipster doofus. It seems that Ellsbury does not know what a record is.

While talking to the media today, he made it clear that he didn't want to talk about what happened last year by telling them "I'm going to sound like a broken recorder."

The last time I checked (and who really can keep up with this stuff), vinyl was cool again. I'm certain that Brian Wilson, king of the baseball hipster doofuses (doofusi?), has a large collection of records and would probably be glad to go on and on about the superiority of the recording quality. I guess Ellsbury's faux doofus-ness is actually a good thing. The world is a better place with one less hipster in it.